So, my lesson today was that although I feel like I have come so far, I don't seem to mind going backwards by repeating the past. I was astounded to think that I have done that. I was so content and very very happy with my life and then when things didn't turn out just the way I know it will; instead of stopping there, I went above and beyond to cover the pain I felt.
Not sure how to change it now but I definitely need to figure out a way. Honesty is always the best way, I think the fear of how things will turn out are actually worse then finding out the outcome. What is the absolute worst thing that can happen, if I am willing to deal with the worst outcome then I am ready to change.
Change is a part of life, it is needed for us to grow. I have to remember that, I just need to go with it, instead of always fighting it and repeating the past. I must say that my learning curve is getting much quicker, I guess because the older I get the less I want to cover pain as trying to do it for so many years has not helped me at all. Instead I have not lived my best life.
I am making changes, as of now... one by one... until I am where I know I am meant to be. I just needed that thump to get me started, I will learn to hear the whisper one day, when I have; the lesson has been wonderful immediately.