My mother held onto loving one man all her life, even though they were rarely together. She held on to this love for my father for nearly 50 years, I wonder if she missed out on real love, holding on to an idea of love. My father was with more women than I think he could have counted, all trying to fill a void in his life. If he had just actually committed to one woman, he may have found what he was lacking.
So, I somehow never understood that I was enough... I always felt like I had to fight for love, I've learned the lesson that I am enough, I am more than enough and that any man who wants me will have to make me feel special. I will do the same for the right man, I don't want to be in competition for someones love...
My best friend helped me to understand that, why weren't he and I best friends all our lives? If we had, I would have learned my self worth so much sooner... he refuses to let me see less than the best in myself. He tells me I am wonderful and special regularly, everyone needs to know that. I think he is amazing and more grounded than most people I know.
I know what I want now, I'm willing to wait... I want nothing less than the best. I have some changes to make but at least I have a goal to work towards, when we don't have goals we don't grow.
My oldest daughter somehow was strong enough to know her self worth despite my lack of it, I am hoping that now that I understand my self worth that I can teach that to my youngest. Self worth starts at home, it starts with me, knowing that I am special helps me be a better mother, partner, friend, sister.... the list goes on.
That is the legacy I want to leave my daughters, they are more than enough just being themselves and that loving isn't about pain or competition. When they love themselves, love will be drawn to them naturally. I finally learned that for myself.