Instead, I felt compelled to share this quote:
Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. ~ Joseph Campbell
This quote touched me because I have been feeling very little joy in my life, if I am being honest and I always am... I had begun to wonder if joy was something I would ever feel again. I have happy moments, I have many blessings in my life but I had not felt joy for a very long time. The kind of joy that takes your breath away... that quote made me remember that until I could find the small joys, I will never have the breath taking joys.
All of this came from reading what I had written and I wanted to share one small part of it.... I realized I had been waiting for something that was never going to happen, I was waiting for 'I'm sorry' ... and a light came on, where I learned that by waiting I was actually stuck. I didn't like that feeling, that is not who I am, I have survived a lot of trials and challenges in my life that others have not... I not only survived, I thrived and became better for each of those trials.
I have decided that I don't need to hear the words anymore, not that it wouldn't be nice to hear but it is not necessary anymore... I believe doing this will bring me some peace... this is somewhat like forgiveness, sometimes you have to forgive, just to free yourself... I have to let that idea go, if I am to free myself to feel joy again.
I took a step forward today, I made a commitment to myself in that I will take the steps I need to, so that I can feel the breathtaking joy I know exists.. I have to admit that it is a scary thought, because as wonderful as that joy is the flip side is pretty dark... I do believe it is worth trying though, otherwise in a year, I will still be in the same place that I am now and I am not going to let that happen... I lost the weight in less than a year, I will find that small joy... the one that will burn out the pain.
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