One Year Ago I Changed My Life

Now here is a post I have been thinking about and planning for a year.  I remember thinking back then how much I wanted to change my whole life, I was not aware of how I was going to change it as much as I did. All that I knew was that I did not want to be in the same place that I was a year ago.  I was unhappy, overweight, alone... just going through the motions.

Then 'he' ticked me off severely and I knew then I would have to change everything.  At first I was thinking what could I do differently that I had not done in the past, so that I could be successful?  That was of course when the contest came up at work.  I threw myself into it, I walked everywhere and I ate so well.  The weight literally fell off of me, the first eleven weeks I lost over 37 pounds.  I kept seeing positive changes and right about that time, I started doing this for myself. 

I came to many realizations over the past year, where I found that I needed to love myself where I was and not when I had lost a certain amount of weight... I also found that I wanted this for me, not for anyone else and I proved that to myself and others when my life completely fell apart the end of September and I did not go back to eating and putting the weight back on.  That is how I failed in the past ... this time I was different, this time I wanted it for all the right reasons.

I didn't want it for a certain event, I didn't want it for someone else, I didn't want it to prove to others I could do this... I wanted this for me, I wanted to be healthy and I fell in love with how committed I was to myself and to my future.  I added years to my life by losing the 80+ pounds I lost, I still have a few to go but that can come over the summer.  I feel really good about how I have changed my body and my health, maintaining it is actually harder than losing it but it is what I want now, I don't want to ever go back to where I was..
What ended up changing?  My health improved, except for the lack of sleep... still working on that one.  Am I any happier?  A month ago I would have said no but I can see how it is getting better with time... there is a light ahead, I have hope... it was a really long hard road. Am I alone?  Yes, but I am at least attempting to date, which is further ahead than I was a year ago.

When I made that decision to really commit, not just wish or hope for it, I had no idea how much my life would change.  I don't even know that I was prepared, I hit some huge bumps along the way that threatened to pull me down and each time I was sure I would fail or give up... I kept pushing myself and holding onto that little bit of hope that I would be strong enough to get through whatever was thrown at me.  While I was in the worst part of it, I was absolutely sure I wouldn't make it through.

There were nights that I crawled into bed and cried, got up in the morning and cried...  I didn't go back to food but I wasn't always successful with other things in my life.  Some part of me kept holding on, sometimes it was something that someone would write, other times it was a message from a person that barely knew me but seemed to know exactly what to say to me. A lot of the time it was being able to write everything I was feeling down in this blog.
That wasn't always easy either as you know that someone (not him) felt they needed to dig through everything I had written to discredit me, so that they could feel better about themselves.  I would actually like to thank that person today but I think she finally gave up reading my blog, especially after she accidentally followed my Pinterest board.  As soon as she realized what she had done, she deleted her own account and I haven't seen her ... nice to know she got a life of her own.

One of the best things that came out of this all was that of course I lost the weight and became healthier than I have ever been.... two I refuse to hide anything, I am an open book and no one will ever change that about me and three, most importantly I gained my self esteem and self worth back.  I know there are people who don't think I did but that is their problem, not mine.
One year ago I changed my life by making a decision, sticking to it and never giving up.  Was it easy?  No... but it was and is worth it... I will never give up on myself again, I did many years ago and finding myself this last year has been one of the most challenging, yet rewarding experiences I have ever been through. The biggest question that I am sure people have for me, as I have had this question for myself.  Would I have made the same decision knowing what I ended up losing?  I don't know, I am grateful I had no idea what I would lose, I might not have taken the path I did...
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64 comments :

  1. Launna,
    I want to tell you how proud of you I am. You look amazing and everyday I watch you blossom into the beautiful woman that you are.

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  2. Glad to hear that you have had such a growth year! Change is scary, but is also good! I am glad you are getting both happier and healthier!
    www.amemoryofus.blogspot.com

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  3. Hi Launna! Hope you having a good week so far:). I, again, have to say excuse for cannot read your post yet, I just wanted to drop by and checking on you real quick before my bedtime. My eyes are getting so heavy for having such a long long and real busy day. I will be right back tomorrow and talk more about your post. Thanks you so much for the lovely dropped over! Have a sweet dream Launna., Good night kiss.

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  4. Changing for good~~ Keep moving ahead maim.... Nice to know that you are doing good....
    ~~Sangay

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  5. Launna i really think that you are a special person.... wish to meet you one day
    unconventionalsecrets.blogspot.it

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  6. Changing for good, is always a great thing, keep moving forward, life is beautiful.
    Good to know you are doing good.
    Great post darling
    xoxo
    http://stunningchic.com/

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  7. Many changes may happen in life. We need to keep our body and mind fresh always. You have gone into great way of change in life. Keep going!

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  8. My adorable Launna,
    I think that change direction in our lives, is a very positive thing. You are a strong, beautiful and unique woman.
    Have an adorable day
    Kisses
    Maggie D.
    The Indian Savage Diary

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  9. What a hard ,importand Year! Your Letter seems so positive and i really love it to read all your Letters ,the come straight from your great Heart :)

    big Hugs and much love from Vienna ☼

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  10. A change is always something important in our lives, we must always read it as something positive!
    You are a strong woman and I admire you so much Launna, I'm glad that your life is more healthy .. have a great achievement, it is not at all easy to lose all that weight as you did!
    Keep it up my dear, think positive and see the many beautiful things life still has to offer!
    Have a lovely day darling!!!

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  11. You are always such an inspiration Launna. And I love that you were doing these things for yourself and not for anyone else. I think that's when true change starts - when we are changing for the "right" reasons. We too often try to change for the wrong reasons (i.e. for someone else or something else) You have taken control of your own life, and that's a beautiful thing my friend.

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  12. This was so interesting to read Luanna and hear how you talk about the changes you made in just a year. Some people try to change and 20 years later are the same and you made huge changes so fast. Also, you're completely right about feeling happy with yourself and it's not about the weight, it's about how you feel and I know you mentioned walking and eating well. I've been taking evening walks lately now that it's summer and sometimes it's a great way to clear your thoughts and just truly enjoy your surroundings and it might help you sleep easier too. :) keep it up and thanks for sharing this with us. Truly inspiring.

    xoDale

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  13. Oh Launna, I am so proud of you! You prove to everyone that it is possible to make a change and to turn your life around! To crawl out of that low and start rising to the top again :-)

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  14. You go girl and don't ever give up you or let other people pull you down.

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  15. love the first one words Launna
    http://tr3ndygirl.com
    would you like to pass from my blog?
    kiss

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  16. I loved this post and everything you have shared. It's so motivating to see you move forward with your life in a positive way. I am very proud of you.
    xoxo
    Beautetude

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  17. what a beautiful post!! sometimes anger is the best motivation... because he ticked you off, you knew you had to prove something... whether to the world, to him o her, or to yourself.. looking good is the best revenge =)

    www.lesley-kim.com

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  18. changes are always a good choice!

    SORTEO: BOLSO JET SET MICHAEL KORS. PARTICIPA YA!
    http://blondieanchors.com/

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  19. the first quote is so true!♥ and it's so important to keep in mind that we are changing mainly for us, not for someone else! your story is really inspiring!:)

    www.Lorietta.cz

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  20. Wow! Congrats on losing 80 pounds! That's a big milestone. And yay for getting your self esteem and self worth back.
    effortlesslady.blogspot.ca

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  21. Love the second to the last quote. Very touching! Have an amazing weekend. :)



    I AM ALSO ON: Instagram @kennydaily, Bloglovin and Facebook



    xoxo;
    What Kenny Hearts a Fashion and Interiors Blog

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  22. Launna, you can be very proud of your journey! You are such an intelligent and strong woman.

    http://bellapummarola.blogspot.it/

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  23. Ohhh Launna I don't think I'll ever tire of telling you how inspirational and amazing you are. And for being so brave as to share this journey and insight with us! You're truly incredible lady! You decided to change and you took action, real action that takes guts and strength to not only undertake but keep the momentum going, to this day still. Regardless of the battles along the way and things you perceived as lost the journey and transformation has been liberating to some extent and you've grown into an even more beautiful human being. Don't ever forget how special you are. Those that have hurt you and continue to do so are the ones losing out and wasting away their time and energy on something they can't and won't ever be able to control. Regardless of what they may think. Stay strong and keep pushing forward to that light. Better days and things are in store for you. Always have hope! You've taught me that.

    xxx

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  24. You just sound so much happier in your writing! I love that you are getting to a better place. You have done so much and had so many things happen in your life, but you are still one of the most pleasant people I have ever had the privilege of getting to know. I know there are some people out there that choose to hurt others. I had one that did that to me over the internet. She seemed to believe she had the right to judge me. She has moved on too! I was at a point where I was going to stop my blog, but I decided that she wasn't going to affect me.

    I don't know if you have tried meditation to help you rest. I have been doing a lot of reading on it and it seems to be really good for relaxation and getting your mind on track. I think I am going to try to start doing it routinely. Okay, where is all the time going to come from?

    Just keep being yourself and you will have many followers who care about you!! If you get someone who treats you like the last one, delete the comments and ignore them!

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  25. Hi Launna. What you wrote is very inspiring and kudos to you for what you’ve accomplished, for sticking to it and never giving up! Change is never easy, and even when we decide to make changes, sticking with it can sure be tricky. I think it takes real courage to stick with a decision that changes your life especially when the odds are against you. Love that Maya Angelou quote at the beginning, and your own quote at the end.
    http://jerseylils2cents.blogspot.com/

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  26. Have agreat end of the week darling!!!
    Kisses
    http://expressyourselfbypaolalauretano.blogspot.it

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  27. Amazing post dear!
    Happy weekend
    Kisses
    Manasi
    www.indianfashionandlifestyle.com/

    Participate in my International
    GIVEAWAY

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  28. Hi Launna! I am very proud of you that you changed so much!
    I love the spirit of never giving up! Keep that in mind. You are
    a very strong person and very sweet!

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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  29. Launna, dear, firstly, i am proud of you! you've started seeing the silver lining!! <3

    and this part > > "There were nights that I crawled into bed and cried, got up in the morning and cried... I didn't go back to food but I wasn't always successful with other things in my life."..<< I relate to that!! There was a period in my life when all of that happened. But i always kept telling myself that only after a harsh cold winter, would the colourful spring come. Launna, my spring came! And yours is here too!!!! <3 <3

    http://anshul90.com

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  30. Hello Launna!
    I asks to myself several times during the day which I have to change because things seems not working. I didn't pass my english exam, I couldn't almost sleep this night because of it, it's the third time that I fail it. I feel guilty because I could have studied more, watch more english films... I need something good and a bit of stability in my life. I have focus my mind in getting a house. I don't know if it's too much because I don't have work at the moment.
    The blog makes me smile. That is the good thing :)
    xoxo

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  31. That's awesome. It's all in your attitude and it looks like you found the strength to turn yours around. I think no matter what weight a person is or what their relationship status is, without the right outlook, you won't feel good.

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  32. Beautiful post :)

    New post on my blog, give me a comment? :)

    www.teanonsolomoda.com

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  33. Launna, you have come a long way from who you were a year ago. You have worked hard to get where you are. I'm happy for you and proud of you that you did this for yourself and realize that you are worth the effort! Hope you have a nice weekend!

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  34. Hi!
    sweet blog!
    do you follow each other??
    http://defishencia.blogspot.ru/

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  35. Launna, your story is really inspiring. I couldn't be happier and prouder for you not only for the physical change but also for the deeper effect it has in your life and for what it means. You're really a strong woman and I bet you are inspiring lots of people out there :)

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  36. I'm so happy to hear that things are getting better. I can hear the happiness in your writing. Change can be a really GOOD thing. Embrace it! <3

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  37. Have a Nice day my Dear
    Unconventionalsecrets.blogspot.it

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  38. Hi Launna:). After I read all of your words here, Just wow, you've had done so much of crazy goody such a thing, so inspiration of what you have had done and been doing. Keep up the wonderful work Launna, hang it tight:). and I'm glad, that person is gave up on doing some thing that a REALLY NOT smart thing to do to other.or either on herself. There are good and bad people everywhere as we all know. I hope you can get more sleep as easy as you ever want :).like - laying down on a pillow and sleep like a baby:) right away :). Your life will be completely, stay more and more on the positive sides Launna, which I know you already are, whenever your feeling down, then picture me and everyone else aren't living in heaven either. We all are got something to deal with, (I know, you know:). You are including to those whose sweet and proud lLaunna. I'm proud of a person you are.... good night kisses from me!!

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  39. Change is so stinkin tough and Launna you are fighting to live your best life. You always inspire me. Stay strong okay.....hugs.

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  40. Beautyful!

    lovesbeautyfashion.blogspot.com

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  41. You are a great example of people who have achieved so much even after hardships. You are absolutely right about change being hard but good for us in the long run.
    I must have missed reading a lot of blog posts. My heart medication has slowed me down quite a bit. Doctors have said that my heart is over working and is working too fast for my own good. I am planning on reading as many posts as I can. I shall write more often too.
    You take care of yourself
    Hugs
    - Munir

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  42. Some people make changes for change's sake, just to get out of a rut. What you did is more than make changes; you recognized problems, figured out how to make things better... and then DID it. Talk is cheap, but you do the walk, too. A LOT of walk. Good for you!

    Happy weekend!

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  43. No matter what has happened, all that matters is, that you came out of it stronger, better and more healthy. Congrats on that!
    I am honest... I really do envy you for shedding that much weight. :) I've been trying to do that since August 2010 with lots of sports & eating well... but only got more muscular instead... *blushes*
    And don't listen to others, who tell you, that you aren't stronger than you were before, or that you haven't gained more self esteem.

    Sorry, my keyboard is not working properly, that's why I had to rerite this comment a few times!

    P.S.: There is a light ahead you, which you can see? -Run, that's not hope, it's a train!!!! ;)

    Follow the Royal Peach

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  44. it's good to want to change something for oneself, not for others. if it's the latter, you're not doing it with all your heart. in your case you succeeded because you did it for yourself. so many people do not see why they cannot achieve something they want, because they don't do it for the right reason. i like you very much <3

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  45. and i'm glad you like my new place, when everything is finished i will show room tours on my blog

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  46. Amiga post maravilhosa bom final de semana

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  47. have a nice day Launna
    unconventionalsecrets.blogspot.it

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  48. lovely post and thoughts.
    xxx
    mari
    www.ilovegreeninspiration.com

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  49. Have a good weekend. I edited my post if you want to see :)

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  50. Soon the sleep will come, I have faith that it's true. :) I was wondering yesterday how it was going.

    I tried to go back to sleep this morning (something I next to never do) and my son got up right when my head hit the pillow. Isn't that the way? :) Now he's playing a game with dad, and I'm too awake to try again. ;)

    Glad your Internet Pest has flown off. That's worthy of a high five!! :) Have a great Sunday!

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  51. Oh, you are always inspiring. And change is hard yet everything is always evolving..no wonder we get so dizzy about making decisions and where we go and who with. But you are a survivor and I think the key is to find the good and keep going. All the best!

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  52. Hi Launna ,hope you have a lovely Sunday! kisses

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  53. Aqueles produtos são muito bons! ;D

    O que realmente importa nessa vida são as mudanças positivas!

    Ótimo domingo, Launna!

    Beijo! ^^

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  54. you always share very inspirating stories. I wish everything goes well with you and your dreams get real always.
    kss
    new post: http://tupersonalshopperviajero.blogspot.com.es/2014/06/boa-esperanca-algarve-arrives-to.html

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  55. Go on, Launna, try to love you as much as you can and life will be more gently. I need the same positive thought, believe me... :)
    A big hug from Milan :)

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  56. Launna! I stopping by to wish you a wonderful day, I hope you are having a joy week so far:). I will always make time to answer you, unless, I take my day off:). I had an awesome weekend family time and today too. :). Thank you so much for your beautiful words on mine too:). Always and always more than appreciate Launna:). Kiss!

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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  57. Wow, Launna, you have accomplished things over the past year the majority of people never accomplish in their life. It is a hard path, it is one of pain and regret and loss - but once we realize we don't need all that weight, once we start loving ourselves it is the most rewarding thing we could have ever done in our lives. Love - of ourselves and others - is the sense of life to me. Your story is such a huge inspiration and reading your lines it makes me so incredibly happy for you that it all worked out. You can be very proud of yourself! You are a very special person and you deserve all the best for yourself. I'm so happy I got to meet you here in blogland. And thank you for taking us on that journey with you! Big hug for you!

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤