Letting Go Of One Dream To Find Another One

I have been holding back writing, I had a huge disappointment this week and I didn't want to come here and write from that place. Instead I walked another 50+ miles this week, over 100,000 steps and 11 hours of hard exercise. I know that I can't keep on this way, I need to figure out another way to deal with disappointment. So, 'the guy' called me this week to tell me he was taking job out West, just out of the blue. I honestly don't know what to think... I keep questioning why he would start a relationship if he had applied for a job so far away.

What I decided from all this was that I don't think I have what it takes emotionally to date. I don't understand games, I don't understand dishonesty... I just can't understand any of it. I don't know what this means long term for me but for now I won't let anyone into my life. It is much to hard to trust and find out they were not who they portrayed themselves to be. I really thought I had made myself clear with this guy, I thought we were both on the same page but he ended up being like every other man I have known. 
What did I learn from all this? I need to take a step back and just take care of myself, maybe just accept the fact that I may have to be single. I can't begin to tell you how much that sucks for me, we all want certain things and dreams for ourselves and unfortunately some of them never come to pass... Learning to deal with the disappointment might be the challenge I have to get through, accepting that my destiny doesn't include a long term love.

This has been a very emotional week for me, I have had a lot of time to think about what I really want. Things I don't want to hear is 'Maybe he wasn't the right guy but hold on the right guy will be there' or 'Don't give up, the right guy will be around the corner' or 'You deserve someone good' ... We all deserve to have the hopes and dreams we want, no one deserves it more than another person... Although I know I would be an amazing partner, I may never get that chance and I am going to have to learn to deal with that...
I am going to take the rest of this summer to continue to exercise and make some long term plans for my life. I have not been happy for a very long time, I need to find a way to have some joy in my life today. When I wrote last week that I had hope that I would have happiness in the future, many people reached out to me to say that happiness isn't in the future, it is something we should have now... others suggested that all I needed to do was choose it and that I could have it now...

I truly wish it was that easy, I think I have to figure out a way to get passed the disappointments I have had in my life and come to terms with the fact that I am not going to have the dream I have always wanted for my life. I think then I can move on and really find happiness and joy...
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65 comments :

  1. Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that. :( It's an awful feeling to be unceremoniously dumped... I know the feeling and it sucks. I won't say "the right guy will be just around the corner" because I can't tell the future! I know I felt exactly the same when it happened to me -- like I wanted to be alone for a long time. Sometimes it's better to be alone. You can always rely on yourself, even if no one else is reliable. There is a certain peace in it. I hope that that peace will find you soon!

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  2. I have been single for quite some time now, yet I am HAPPY.. The secret towards happiness is to never depend your happiness to someone else, to be certain, never depend your happiness to a guy. I am happy because of the people around me, my family, my friends, my workmates and most especially my lovely daughter. :) They made me feel contented and complete. I am not looking for love nor waiting for it because I believe it will happen, when you are not expecting it :)

    xx
    Rica | www.switbbydoll.com

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    Replies
    1. "I have been highly blessed and I am really aware of this... however; saying this, I have always wanted a companion to spend my life with and I have not been lucky in this department. This does make me sad but what really makes me have such little joy is losing my very best friend in the whole world for no really good reason... ever since I lost him, I have had a very hard time trusting anyone won't leave me... I am working on it daily and that is one reason I have given up on the idea of dating anyone in the near future... I am working on me more...I do know one thing, if anyone is to gain my trust in the future, they will be jumping through hoops that are on fire... I deserve that xox..."

      --> I understand now.. I was in the same shoe 3 years ago, I almost got married, I lost my baby and I almost went crazy. I can't even think on how to pick up those broken pieces. I don't know where to start, i cried and cried and cried until I woke up one day and realized that I have my family around me, and never did leave me for any circumstances. I started to be tougher, stronger, and wiser. Then I decided to focus more on myself. That is why I was able to come up with the words I mentioned above. Yet, I wish for you to be able to heal all the wounds in your heart and I am so happy to hear it from you that you will focus more on yourself now and agree that anyone who will gain your trust will be jumping through hoops on fire :) That's what I'm doing as well :)) You truly deserve that :)
      xx

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  3. Hi Launna, I'm sorry to hear that this one turned out to be a frog after all. I understand how disappointing that must feel when you were so willing to open up and trust again. I don't like games, either, good on you to not go along with that. I wonder if changing the terminology might help? I always find it so defeating to say "Ive been disappointed", it gives so much power over your feelings to the other person and can make you feel so helpless and victimized in a situation like this. It is absolutely possible to be single and happy. And from what I am seeing, as an outsider who only knows you from your blog, I think you are doing so great with how you've moved on from your heartbreak and now you've dealt with this situation by walking and exercising. 100.000 steps, that's amazing! Don't be too hard on him or yourself. It did not work out. That happens. And I believe you can be happily single AND still be open to meeting a partner. Big hug xo

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  4. Hello Dear Launna,

    Life never stops, it moves like a river so keep flowing.

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  5. Oh no, I know that feeling, so awful, and I'm sorry to read that....
    I believe You can be Happy single, but not for a long time... be strong and don't worry!!!
    A lot of kisses from Italy!
    xo Paola
    Expressyourself
    My Facebook

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  6. Oh Launna, I am extremely sorry to hear that such a thing has happened to you but I know you are a strong person. Going through your blog posts, I know you have the capacity to move on happily alone. It's sad that not all have the same feelings and intentions. I can really feel your pain at this time. God bless you and may He give you strengths to deal with the situation. By the way, thank you so much for your nice comment on my blog. Take Care.

    With lots of love and wishes from Bhutan.

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  7. Hi Launna,
    I'm so sorry to read it. You're a special and strong woman.
    I'm sure that you can be very happy, because life never stops and you know it.
    Have a nice week
    Maggie
    Maggie Dallospedale Fashion diary - Fashion blog

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  8. Dear Launna, I am so sorry to hear this! You will definitely find someone someday. But you don't need that person to be happy. Just surround yourself with things that make you happy, and get rid of everything that doesn't. Find a passion and a reason to be happy :) You deserve the best!

    Love, Lisette

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  9. oh no, I'm sorry to hear. but your attitude is great. my philosophy is that we get exactly what we need at any given moment. and after many years of experimenting with that thought, it helps for the bad stuff too. but it's not always easy. as to being happy right now, I think I was one of the people who suggested that too. ooops :) just to clarify, I don't think that's an easy thing to achieve either or something you simply choose. for me it was more a shift in goals. rather than thinking I'll be happy once i have the perfect job, partner, body, apartment, circle of friends, insert whatever you want to, I decided to at least try to enjoy the journey to get all of this too. so now it's a bit of both. I still want things (to happen, not things to own), and every so often the 'if only' thinking still kicks in. but in between I try to simply enjoy life as it is. with all the shit and assholes and bad weather and bad hair days...

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  10. I wish there were words that would help, but I'm not sure they exist.
    R

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  11. July is a terribly long month! Hold on! & Keep strong and don't let him keep you down. Wishing lots of wonderful things and people to embrace and to keep your spirits up. And please keep writing! Sending positive thoughts your way!

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  12. Oh Launna, I feel so sorry to hear that :( It must be so disappointing to find that out after putting your faith and trust in him. I agree, it was dishonest of him to apply for a job so far away and then lead you on like that.
    You know, I've been thinking about this a lot myself lately, since people I know who I've always thought were "perfect for each other" go their separate ways. I don't think every single one of us are destined to get a spouse. Maybe we'll stay single our whole lives, and maybe there's a little lingering sadness that we won't accomplish that dream of marriage, but I think it's important to know that even if we do, we are loved. We are all embraced, by family and friends, and no guy can change that fact.
    But the reason I don't want you to give up hope is because you're truly trying. You've been hurt in the past, but you keep going. You have such a beautiful, honest character, someone who really tries in a relationship, so I think there is someone for you out there. But I don't think you have to let go of that dream. Of course, find another--find another passion, something to make you enjoy and appreciate this journey of life even more. I think you can do that and still be happy, while still being open to a relationship. But just know that you don't need a guy to be happy. You have so many passions and other people in your life that you love. Focus on that, while still being open to a relationship. It's about finding the balance. <3 lots of love

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  13. I am really sorry to hear abt ur disappointment.. it is for this reason i dont want to date anyone who cannot marry me.. having said that there is always hope and the best thing is to do what ur doing now Launna just knock off those pounds and feel good abt urself coz ur a beautiful lady with a golden heart.. I hope u find someone who will be committed to u fr life and m sure that day will come fr nw jst take a deep breath & everything will be ok... :- )

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  14. So sorry to hear this Launna. Don't treat him like a priority If he's treating you like an option cut him out, delete everything and move on. Silence is a deadly weapon. This player don't deserve you. You should go out with friends, have fun and enjoy life, you deserve it my dear, you need to make yourself feel happy again. Bless! <3 xo

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  15. I had a sinking feeling from our Fitbit texts that things were not working out the way you had hoped that they would. I am so sorry he disappointed you. I really wish I had a magic wand that I could wave that would ease the pain. Since I don't, I'm sending you lots of hugs! His loss for sure!

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  16. Launna, I'm so sorry to hear you've been disappointed and that it has been a tough week for you. Taking care of yourself first sounds like a very good idea. Sending good thoughts your way.

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  17. As always, beautiful post!

    ** I'm inviting you to join Love, Beauty Bloggers on facebook. A place for beauty and fashion bloggers from all over the world to promote their latest posts!

    xoxo;
    BEAUTYEDITER.COM

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  18. Que máximo postagem maravilhosa , tenha uma semana abençoada
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNNlFtDc1-o
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br

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  19. Dearest Launna,

    I am so sorry for your disappointment and that things didn't work out with the guy. I am struggling to get my head around why he would take a job so far away, so I can hardly imagine how you must be feeling and I am so deeply sorry for you. I wish I had the right words to say to make you feel better, but I'm not sure such words exist. Just know that you are precious, you are loved and you are important so you must take care of you for now, put yourself first. Sending much love xx

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  20. Very true. Sometimes what is unplanned is better than what we planned and we must be open to accept the change. I am so happy for you Launna and this post is reflecting your happy heart ;)
    P.S: Charu is a proud mom of a baby girl now :)

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  21. I'm so sorry for your disappointment, but your attitude seems great! I really admire that. I have just found your blog and I already really like it, so I'm following you now :) Even though you've had to deal with some bad things, I hope you still have a great week!

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  22. That really stinks. I'm sorry to hear it, but don't give HIM the power to destroy your dreams. Okay, so things didn't work out with him. That's a shame, and a big disappointment, but once you've had a chance to get over the hurt you're feeling now, move on. You're doing so well looking out for yourself. Keep it up. What will be will be, sweetie. Just don't give up on your dreams.

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  23. Awww dang Launna. I'm sorry :-( The most important thing you can do with a disappointment like that is not give up on yourself. Yep keep getting that exercise in now. I know y'all have a much shorter summer/fall than we do in terms of getting out in the weather so enjoy that.

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  24. That is seriously disappointing. I mean honestly it just really sucks. It was not right for him to start a relationship when he knew he may be moving. No one would be able to just get over something like that, I know I'd need time to rage and sulk and just slowly process my feelings about it.

    But hey, it's awesome that you are exercising. Walking over 50 miles in one week is great!!

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  25. Oh Launna, here's my big hugs to you for this awful timing, I wish I could help more than just leave you words here on your comment space. Just think this is a good thing you didn't go really deeply in a relationship with him and just be super positive on your worse week. Time will heal itself - you just wondered what is went wrong with these guys. I know exactly how painful it is, Dear Launna, if you would do a research for my Budtha quote in English and do more meditation and stick with that! I'm listening to a monk (preacher) every day and of course meditating, its help me to stay happy no matter what happened I'm still think it's a natural of life and that I won't mad or upset on anything :). I hope you're heal fast and even a guy turn himself around to you if its the case but I would move on though. My dear Luanna, if you're very really tired of such a tough situation like this please do think about what to do to make yourself more happy instead keep question on that guy who just like other men in the past. True love will come itself when we're not looking for:). My mom said when chasing love is will run away so just keep yourself busy and maybe it will come one day when you're not thinking of it. Please don't lets those men hurt you anymore( even though doesn't make sense to you:). I would say stop for now and be happy on blogging and goes on with your normal lives. Email me if you ever want too:). Hugs from me to you! Oxoxo

    Take best care!
    Tanya
    http://attraction2fashion.com

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  26. fabulous quotes my darling
    would you like to pass from my blog?
    <<< fashion blogger Pamela Soluri >>>
    I wish you an happy day
    kiss

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  27. Dear Launna,

    Being single is not so bad, really, and this is coming from someone who was married for 15 and a half years (no children) and I have been divorced since 1998. I never remarried and although I have great friends, I don't have a boyfriend, but quite honestly, I am not bothered by it. I agree that you need to focus on yourself and take care of yourself. Sometimes we find someone without even trying, and that can be much better. Sending you a warm hug.

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  28. Oh Launna, I'm so, so sorry to hear about your disappointment. I won't try to offer any words of advice right now, but please know that I'm thinking about you and sending virtual hugs your way.

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  29. I am sorry to know about your disappointment. Life is worth it if we do have right understanding and let things go. Blind are we, to see the faith and fate~ Take care maim.
    ~Sangay

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  30. Hello dear! You can have a relationship although if the other person is far, but you know him better than me. You walked a lot, at least is more or less a healthy way of express your disappointment. Hugs!

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  31. The part this is so good to hear is that despite this you still stayed true to yourself and stuck to your walks. That shows a lot of strength. You deserve to be happy even if it is happily single.

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  32. Life is too short to be unhappy, so YES, focus on being happy and enjoying life, Launna! You deserve it.

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  33. Lovely Launna ,my heart feels with you ,lots of Hugs <3
    Sometimes it is a hard Way to feel happiness again. I am also on that Way :)

    much love from Austria

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  34. I'm so sorry, Launna,
    I hoped this time you had a good chance to change and find the right person. Please don't feel too frustrated, human beings are... volatile, as Nasdaq, I should say. But I'm really sorry...
    I send you a big big hug! Here in Italy it's so terribly hot, as in the desert, my little Raffaele hasn't been sleeping since 50 days...

    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  35. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this! I think it was a positive way to deal with to wait to write about it until you had calmed down a bit. I hope you find your happiness soon!
    xo,
    Darcy
    www.amemoryofus.com

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  36. Don't be too hard on yourself Dear Launna. Things happen, people change but life must go on. I hope you take care of your self and find what makes you happy.
    www.effortlesslady.com

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  37. Oh Launna, I miss reading from you...Yes mami, Let go of what was....It does no good for anyone to hang on to the past. I mean, it is the past for a reason right? Launna, Please be happy....You know that is not something anyone can give you - It is something inside of you and you owe it to yourself to find it and explore it....You will be fine mami...I have faith in you.

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  38. Oh noooo! What happened?!?!?! - www.domesticgeekgirl.com

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  39. I am sorry to hear you are experiencing strong disappointment. It is such hard work to go through and I find that you turning to walking inspiring. It is obvious you are a determined and strong woman. You are wonderful to share with us as we all experience disappointment. I wish a big happy change for you Launna, but keep working as when that "great thing" does come along, you will be in great shape, better health and stronger for it. Wishing you brightness.

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  40. Oh sweetie, I am so sorry to hear about this. Disappointment is one of the worst feelings, but this too shall pass. Stay positive and know that there is someone out there that will support you and love you the way you deserve!

    Check out my last post: How to Forgive No Matter the Offense
    Diana Bryant (Life Coach)
    www.ManhattanImageandStyle.com – Blog
    www.DianaBryant.com – Web

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  41. Launna,
    I'm sorry this happened to you :( breaking up with someone really sucks, specially for geographic reasons. I'm sorry the guy you were dating was not who you though he was but I'm so proud of you for taking this approach. You are and should always be your first priority and sometimes this thins happen to us so we can focus more on ourselves and get ready for something better to come in the future. Do not get discouraged my friend! you are an amazing person and you will come out of this situation shinning!
    XOXO

    Milu
    www.hellolupi.com

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  42. Oh sweetie is very annoying read about that you has been not so good the last days but I know that everything go to improve. My best wishes for you sweetie
    xx

    www.sakuranko.com

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  43. It is not easy to find the right guy, some people never meet it. Hugs!

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  44. Nunca hay que rendirse, hay que buscar la felicidad :). Siempre hay una persona correcta, hay que tener paciencia.

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  45. Aquele batom é muito bom. E dura bastante nos lábios! *.*

    Acho que o grande problema nessa situação é você pensar que a felicidade só pode ser encontrada nos outros. E não! A felicidade está dentro de você. Realmente comece a fazer coisas que te fazem bem. Viva pra você!

    Ótima quinta, Launna!

    Beijo! ^^

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  46. Am so sorry to hear about this Launna. Just want to say never lose hope! A big hug for you Dear.
    Much Love
    xx

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  47. Oh, Launna! I'm truly sorry to read this, to know that you feel disappointed for someone you were betting on. You handled it in the best way: by being mature enough to let him go and focusing back to your life 100%. I know it must be hard and there's nothing left to say that doesn't sound too clichè, but I really want you to keep that beautiful positive energy you have so allow me to tell you that things will get better. I'll be sending you good thought and positive energies from where I am. Remember, you may not have a man with you right now but you can always count on your readers, your friends and your family.
    Sending you a HUGE hug, Launna!

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  48. oh my, dear Launna, I am so sorry to hear this. it pains me to continue reading. I was bothered a few days when I've read your fb and ig posts. I was going to message you, but I was away, to know what happened. I don't know what exact words to say but all I know is that God planned much better for us. I believe that whatever He takes from us means another chance to find much better than we deserve. Maybe its not yet clearly as of now because of the current situation but in time, in God's time everything will be alright. I remember when I'm having the same dilemma, I divert my attention. I focus to other things, probably for others its called escape, but really what can you do anyway? you can't just succumb and drowned yourself into loneliness, you have to do something about it, because after all its you yourself who can help you, all I am saying is that focus on the people who loves you back, your beautiful daughters, your grandchildren, your passion. Or perhaps, this situation is an opportunity for another who-knows-what-there-is, you can enroll on some short courses like cooking, baking, or perhaps try something a little off the edge, extreme sports, or maybe its a good way for you and your family to have a vacation far from home, like out of town or out of the country. whenever I feel sad and troubled I always seek the companion of travelling. I met new people, interact with new people. or maybe you can do some volunteer, I'm just you know stating some of the things I did back then because I happened to experience this before, in the long run, and as of now because of that, I enjoy travelling, I enjoy volunteering and what not. I will include you in my prayer, my dear Launna, but always always remember that you are Loved, maybe not by the person you expect to return the same love you give but there are others and much more than one who loves you selflessly. A big hug from your friend here in the Philippines.

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  49. Ah, I am so sorry to hear about your disappointment! I hope that everything is gonna be all right dear Launna! Sometimes time will tell <3 But it is great to hear about your exercise! You are doing a great job.

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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  50. I'm really sorry, Launna...
    Have a nice week-end!
    Photographe Gil Zetbase
    http://www.gilzetbase.com/

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  51. I am new to your blog but I've seen you commenting on several blogs that I follow and your comments are always genuine and very thoughtful hence I am here. I am so sorry that you're going through this disappointment and you're right, the last thing you want to hear now is the generic 'he's not the right guy for you' or 'you'll find the right one soon'...

    I have no words of comfort but quite frankly I don't think you need any. You strike me as a wise and strong woman. Yes, you're disappointed now and need time to gather your thoughts but you'll know what to do once your mind is clear and you have some time to think.

    Hugs, I wish you all the best. xx

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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  52. So sorry to read this news Launna.
    Life can and does give us many bad breaks and blows ... which we all have to deal with, come to terms with as best we can.
    Bereavement, divorce, the illness of our child, the break up of a relationship is never easy. We just do our best to come to terms with life as best we can.

    Friends and Family, our Faith can help ... and time can heal, but patience is needed.
    My thoughts are with you and I hope you can enjoy the coming weekend.

    All the best Jan

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  53. Launna, sometimes our time by ourselves helps us heal and grow and just when we least expect it, something amazing happens.

    Don't be discouraged. <3 Focus on you... and btw, I'm so proud of your walking and exercising !! Keep being amazing.

    xx

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  54. Passando para ti desejando um final de semana maravilhoso
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNNlFtDc1-o
    Blog:http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  55. Sorry to read that, dear... I believe we all have to find long term love with ourselves first, so take care of you and your feelings... I'm sure it will be a lot easier to find love that way... I wish you the best of luck!
    a: Oh you should (visit Lisbon)! :) It was great, really comfortable, in the city... just what I needed! :) Kisses!

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  56. I knew from reading your recent post, that things hadn't worked out with this relationship, but I had to come and read about it. I am sorry for you that he reached out to you and got involved when he knew things might need to end because he would be moving. It would have been nice if he was upfront, but I guess that wasn't the case. :(

    Walking seems like a good way to de-stress- but other methods might be good too (yoga?). Happiness can be hard for people to find or discover, but you sound like you are on the right path. Good luck and sending you hugs. :)
    ~Jess

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  57. Voltei para deixar um beijo
    e te falar que continuo seguindo
    o teu blog e dele fazendo público.

    Beijos,




    .

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤