Focusing Is A Choice I Make

As you can see from the picture above, I did something this weekend that I have been wanting to do for a few years... I had my hair colored purple and pink... I'm going to keep it up until the Fall... I am very happy with the outcome.
I feel like I am in limbo... you know that feeling where you are not sure which way to go? I know we all go through those times in our lives... some are small choices, some are life changing. I feel like I am in one of those life changing choices. After getting injured in November and then re-injured again two weeks ago ... I have allowed myself to be derailed. The first thing I had to do was accept that I had allowed it to happen... yes, I also understand that there are times in our lives that we can see our lives propelling out of control and cannot seem to find a way to get back on the path. Sometimes it is lack of commitment, desire and often times it is from disappointment... 

My derailment this time has come from disappointment, does it make it any less or more of an excuse... no.. but it is one of my more difficult feelings to overcome. I believe admitting it is something I need to do, then I have to decide what I want more... I know that I don't feel comfortable where I am right now... I don't believe weight should make or break how I feel about myself... because the weight is not who I am... but by allowing disappointment to derail me it has shown me that no matter how on track, on the path or on the right road I think I am... it is a never ending challenge to always stay focused. 
There is always going to be something, some reason, some excuse that I can use to not focus... to say what does it really matter? Is any of that a good enough reason?  I don't know that I can keep denying to myself that the excuses shouldn't matter, I have to really decide what I want. Often times it's a choice we make within ourselves and I am the first one to admit that none of those decisions are easy... we have to deal with trials and challenges to see how much we want something, how much work we are willing to put into our hopes and dreams. 
 
I have had a couple of friends ask me if I would be willing to give love a chance again? My answer to them is I don't think so, I don't know that I want to trust anyone that much again. I think once trust is destroyed and mine was, it makes it incredibly difficult for me to ever want to put my heart out there again. It has been hard getting to this place as I wanted romantic love in my life for many years... I have come to the point that I no longer believe the pain of loss outweighs the chance of love...
First I used getting injured, then winter, then the re-injury as excuses... part of me wonders if I wasn't looking for an excuse to eat whatever I liked... When I started my weight loss journey in the summer of 2013, I seriously did it for me... no one but me. As I lost the weight I stared seeing the opportunities it gave me, one of them was to date, however; I realized that losing the weight does not make it any easier to trust in a relationship. I then gave up the desire to find romantic love... that was when I started using food to fill that void. 
 
I don't want to fill that void or any other void with food... I have become uncomfortable with myself... not because of the weight, that isn't who I am ... but I'm uncomfortable with the choices of eating that I so readily fell back into...  When I think of the many addictions I have or have had... food is an acceptable one because we need to eat... other addictions can be given up a hundred percent... Food is the addiction I need to learn to come to terms with and not abuse it when my life goes out of control... Focusing is a choice I make...
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67 comments :

  1. Hugs Launna! <3
    I don't think you are making excuses at all. Sometimes life just fucking sucks.

    It's ok to acknowledge it and say "Well, this really fucking sucks!" I get tired of the Be Happy! Be positive! Be on track! all the time. It isn't realistic. We are, after all, human.....and coping with Big Things. And sometimes when you are just trying to cope...and get through...and you know everything isn't ok, somehow it isn't socially acceptable to give that space.

    If you are at a place where you don't want romance, well I think that's just fine. it is where you are. Sometimes it is good to just be where you are without trying to be somewhere else. Give yourself a break. Sometimes we just need a little comfort. Although yes, addictions are another thing.

    AAAND... you are a mom.

    You are smart, you are beautiful, I LOVE THE HAIR, and I hope life gets easier and happier for you.

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  2. Love the hair! Saw it on IG earlier and immediately thought to myself that I'd love to do something like this, too. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling unable to focus at the moment and that you feel lost as to where to go. I don't know what it's like to fill an emotional emptiness with food but I DO know that it can be VERY hard to let go of bad eating habits. Both my husband and I have been using our time in Japan as an excuse to just go completely crazy with our eating habits and we've let things get really out of control. I know it's not healthy and that the longer we keep it up the harder it will be to turn things around again, which is something that I KNOW we'll have to do eventually. But it's so hard. Food - junkfood in particular - can be very addictive indeed.

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  3. You look great with the new Hair Color, it suits you beautiful :)

    Happy Easter Launna, lovely Greetings!

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  4. You look so beautiful!Don't worry about achieving too many things at a time. I think everything comes step by step. Have a wonderful week, dear Launna!

    Jasmine ♥♥♥

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  5. Oh wow Launna, I am in love with your hair! That purple/pink in your hair looks so great. To stay focused is sometimes very difficult. Sometimes you have to give it some space and some time. At one day, everything will be all right!

    I wish you a Happy Easter with a lots of love and happiness!

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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  6. Dear Launna, first of all, I love your new hair, it gives a lot of life to your face, it is really nice, I am sure you will get lots of compliments and it is easy to change if you get tired of a colour, it is not like having your hair cut drastically.
    I would give love a chance, we are all different, just because you cannot trust one does not mean that everyone is going to do the same, we have so much love to give and receive :)
    Lots of love
    xxx
    www.travelera.es

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  7. Bom dia querida Lau amei a sua postagem não esqueça
    Foco, FÉ e Força que tudo vai dar bem., tenha uma semana abençoada.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br
    Canal:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  8. Launna
    Your hair looks great, those colours suit you ...
    Keep focused on your choices - sometimes it is not easy - but so worthwhile.

    Enjoy the rest of this Easter - time

    All the best Jan

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  9. Dear Launna, you look really lovely in these shades :)))
    Great choice... Even though you feel in limbo, go on I think the picture will come out. A dear uncle of mine, a father for me, is in hospital, between life and death. He was not ill, abdominal aorta suddendly broke... It's so difficult...
    A big hug!



    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  10. Aquela marca é muito boa. Pessoas de diferentes países elogiaram!

    O seu cabelo está incrível! Queria ter coragem pra pintar com essas cores, porque acho muito bonito.

    Acho que vale acreditar no amor de novo. Dá medo... Mas vale a pena!

    Ótima segunda, Launna!

    Beijo! ^^

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  11. Oh WOW! cool colors! I think deep down..its the matter of keeping yourself strong and healthy. It is a chaotic world...even in the quiet times. Enjoy..everything. Who knows, someone might experience it with you. All the best in being the Warrior princess you are! Keep Writing!

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  12. Ah! I hope you heal up quick! What happened, if you don't mind sharing. :)

    As for sharing my faith, I should do it more often. I think that being timid is something that I feel guilty about- only because I know that having a faith in itself is means for people to push you away as an outcast or worse. Thank God I don't live where I am being killed for my faith, like is happening in the Middle East. But God does tell us, "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me." (Matthew 5:11) So hey, it's okay. :) I decided to rededicate my life to God and as a women in faith, I need to take this next step in my journey. Thanks for the support! :) xox And happy EAster week Launna!!!

    Blessings,
    Christine
    www.beyoutifulhope.blogspot.com

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  13. It's very important to focus on where you want to go!!!
    You look fab with your new hair color, this shade suits you my lovely friend!!!!
    Kisses, Paola.

    Expressyourself

    My Facebook

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  14. Love the new hair! I've had purple hair and purple streaks before and it's always super fun. Purple is a great colour :)

    Know what you mean about focusing... I've had trouble with that myself recently too. Too busy focusing on other people's situations and not enough on how to improve my own. I need to live more in the present sometimes too!

    Hope it all goes uphill for you from here~

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  15. Launna!
    You look ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS! ♥♥♥
    The result is amazing and you look so happy!
    So warming, coming back to your blog after a while and read your new posts.
    Happy Spring, thanks for all your suppor!

    Suzy
    xo
    www.thekawaiiplanet.com

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  16. OMG Launna, you look divine. I love this purple color on you.
    I'm so happy with this beautiful result.
    Have an amazing week sweetie
    kisses
    Maggie D.
    Fashion Blog Maggie Dallospedale fashion diary

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  17. You look lovely in that hair color. LOVE it totally!!
    I would suggest you take it slow. And you have already started to focus on your habits and commitments, so don't worry..you will do it/achieve it the best possible way. I know healthy eating habits are so so important, but I seriously don't take care of that....I love eating :P.....and this is so true that we either overeat or don't eat when we feel emotionally down...but many times eating something good or my favorite helps me in feeling better.

    So it's okay Dear. Don't rush into anything. Take your time and enjoy every bit of your life in the coming days.
    Hugs and Kisses

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  18. As I said on Twitter, your hair looks amazing! You are so brave to do such a bold colour and it work on you perfectly! I can understand if you de-rail when you get injured, it happens to me too. Things will get better though and of course, if you are focusing on yourself and going to be happy with your own company, that's what counts. You don't need to have love in your life, but if it does happen, I hope it's the right person for you and not a bad one again!

    Raindrops of Sapphire

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  19. I love, love, love your hair! Wish I had the guts to do this!

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  20. Hi Launna. I absolutely love your hair. It's suits you so nicely. You know I love some color when it comes to hair. I know what you mean about focus I go through episodes of that once in awhile and it can be frustrating, I think time helps and just stepping back and doing something you like for me it's reading.
    I hope you are doing well and having better weather.

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  21. I think you're trying to make yourself happy by eating but at the end you ended up getting more frustrated than before. I'm not sure if this is a stupid question but do you love cooking? A friend of mine was similar to you in the past, she eats whenever she's upset but at the end she turned it to her advantage. She started cooking, A LOT. She cooks for family, for all of us her friends...we attend dinner at her place once a week and she's always trying out new ingredients, recipes. Maybe you can change it to your advantage too?

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

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  22. I love your hair----you look so beautiful here! Chin up, Launna---things will get better. Stay strong, my friend!

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  23. Your hair looks absolutely perfect. I've wanted pink and/or purple hair for ages now but just don't know how it will go with the amount of swimming I do at the moment. I am so sad to hear you are reinjured again, I've had it happen a few times and it is a constant worry with every run. Don't be too hard on yourself, I am very proud of you always.

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  24. It's so very hard to stay focused and on track. You've done it before and I know you can do it again! Like you said, it has to be for you, and no other reason. I really like your hair!

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  25. <3 I understand you dear Launna.... this is not the easiest road to walk... you will find your way. xoxo

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  26. I think you new hair suits you great! All I can say is learn to relax and enjoy the friendship. Take one step at a time. We all need time to trust one another. Don't be too hard on yourself. Food is only a temporary comfort. Do something you enjoy doing, maybe a hobby that you enjoy?

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  27. First of all, I love your hair, diar Launna!!!
    Then, about your feelings in this moment, I think that your awareness is a great start point!
    It's pretty normal have these moments in life, but for me you should look at them as an opportunity to change something you thought was right but maybe is not.
    I think nothing happens for chance in life, and everything happens is for our best! So try to look at your life in another point of view and maybe in a little time you'll be happy and sure again! :D
    Anyway I really hope you'll get well soon! :)
    xxx
    S
    http://s-fashion-avenue.blogspot.it

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  28. Estou apaixonada por aquele hidratante corporal. O cheiro de cacau é delicioso! Ele também deixa a pele macia. É maravilhoso!

    Ótima terça, Launna!

    Beijo! ^^

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  29. This color is up to you very well Launna!!! I hope that soon you will overcome this period when you feel in limbo, stay strong dear!!!

    La Flò ♡ blog

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  30. I like your hair! It looks good on you. Keep focusing on what you want, and everything else will come.

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  31. Focusing is like living intentionally which I think really helps to shape our choices as well as give our lives meaning and direction. Good luck with staying focused and figruing it all out. Your hair look fabulous btw!

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  32. Lau querida postagem maravilhosa amei, tenha uma semana abençoada.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br
    Canal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  33. First of all let me tell you that I loose your hair color!!!

    The sentence: I don't believe weight should make or break how I feel about myself... because the weight is not who I am... says so much of what I feel...

    To focus is something we have to keep in mind again and again and again!! It´s so important to stay focused even when times get hard.

    I think it´s like a huge test about how much work we are really willing to to or how many commitments we gonna make to reach our goals. It´s so easy to eat a bar of chocolate, but to think about how much time it costs to loose these calories seems like a big joke.

    To fill that void with food is really not a chance for you! The lack of trust in a relationship is something you may will learn again in many years. I guess it´s about finding someone who proof you that he´s with it to trust in him!

    Focusing is a choice you MADE!!!! Be proud of how strong you´ve been!!!!

    Kisses and 1000 hugs,
    Martin

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  34. Hiiii launna i love your new hair collor.. its nice on you, as you said we can back on the past time eventhought we want. So just enjoy this time and do the best.

    Well i love eat delicious food, and have no problems with weight. But i know it really dificult to commitments with our goal. So i just can support you

    About heart and love i can't say anything. I just can say, let the pain go on, forgot it and try to belive and open your heart for some one when you think its the time.

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  35. OMG! I ove your hair . The purple/pink looks amazing on you. Everybody goes out of focus so don't be hard on yourself. The good thing is that you are making an effort and getting back on track.
    www.effortlesslady.com

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  36. I love that first quote! I use a daily To Do list and it is odd how those things I don't want to do keep getting moved further and further down the list. I am very focused -- on doing what I want to do! You are wise to have such insights and I know you will work things out the exact way they should be for you. PS LOVE LOVE LOVE the hair! But you knew I would!

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  37. I am so sad to hear that you were so hurt in the past that you do not think you will open yourself up to love again. It is definitely hard to move on some times, and I hope you are able to find closure and peace in the future!
    www.amemoryofus.com

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  38. Firstly, I'm sorry that I haven't been by in at least two weeks to know that you had re-injured yourself. I did see your hair picture on Facebook though and I love it! I'm glad you finally did it. There are two things that make me not feel good about myself. My hair and my weight. I am not my hair and I am not my weight but I swear I feel good it at least one of them is okay. It's not a great day that I feel fat AND my hair is messed up. ;-)

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  39. I think another reason food addictions are so difficult to control is that food is so tied to our culture and the world around us. It is seen as a necessary part of every holiday and celebration. It is also a source of comfort for us. That makes it harder for us to make good choices, at least it does for me. You look beautiful with your colorful hair! But, I thought you were beautiful before too. :)

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  40. You look very beautiful and radiant, Launna! Hugs and love to you.

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  41. I'm sorry to hear you had a further injury Launna. I hope you recover so you can return to your normal activities soon. On a positive note, I adore your new purple hair! You make a really valid point about focusing. It's something which requires continuous effort, as life always presents us with unexpected challenges.

    Saba xx

    www.trulymadlydeeplyfashion.blogspot.com

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  42. Okay, i can't help to start talking about your hair, Launna. I loved it as soon as I saw it on your IG!! I'm so glad that you decided to do it because it looks awesome on you. I could only dream of having pink & purple hair and rock it like you do! (I even have a Piterest board about it, lol).
    Now to your post, you may feel like you're in a limbo right now but you surely know where you want to be in your life. I agree when you said that staying focused is an endless challenge, because when choosing the right path we have to stick to it despite the situations. You've been through a lot lately and the fact that you don't give up on your goals is quite inspiring. <3
    Have a lovely day, dear!

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  43. I know what you mean. I'm constantly trying to eat better, and there seems to be a constant supply of things that prevent me doing so. It's a personal choice, though, so I'm just making a point of getting back into the healthy eating habit as soon as possible.

    I love how the new hair color looks on you. :-)

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  44. Your hair looks so pretty! Beautiful! What a fun change for you. I am so glad you took the risk! I am sending you lots of focusing vibes to help you get where you want to be. :)

    Have a lovely week!
    ~Jess

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  45. My hair goal this year is to make it pink too. :)
    This is lovely.

    Stay focused. Stay lovely.

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  46. Amiga Lau que neste dia seja cheio de paz e que DEUS seja o seu guia
    bom dia amiga.
    Canal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  47. Loving your hair... it's SO fun!!...

    Don't be so hard on yourself from eating!! Food cravings are difficult to control... but maybe focus on one thing to cut out or drastically minimize? It takes 3 days to completely kick a sugar addiction. If sweets are your thing, give it a rest for a month or two... after 3 days, sweets won't seem as appealing.

    Or, alternatively, stuff yourself with the good things (fruits, salads, water, tea...etc...) and don't leave room for that "unsatisfied feeling."

    You can do it... and you can even let yourself love again... if it happens, let it happen. You just know to tread cautiously.

    Have a fab weekend!!


    Amber
    All the Cute
    Latest Post: Patchwork Print Romper

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  48. I like ur hair color if it makes u happy why not change something abt urself..I am always in a dilemna which way to go and that kills me as well.. Focus and direction r very important and i sure need to work on those.. I hope u find that direction n focus u r looking for.. have a lovely weekend xoxo

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  49. Lau querida amei essa sua foto make linda arrasou, bom final de semana.
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br
    Vídeo novo:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM

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  50. The hair looks gorgeous Launna. It really suits you :)
    And keep your focus .. no matter the disappointments. Life is like that. Try and get someone to help you keep your focus.
    Thanks for your lovely comments for Varaa and me :)

    http://everythingthatclicks.blogspot.com

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  51. Your hair looks fab! I am dying (pardon the pun) to dye my hair purple xx

    Gemma ♥ Miss Makeup Magpie

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  52. I feel what you are saying about feeling stuch, or in limbo. I've felt this way many times. Focusing on what makes me happy, has helped so much. It sounds like you are on that road by reflecting on it here. Now just follow through with what truly makes you feel alive, and happy. Great start with the color change. You're doing something that you've wanted for a long time. That is a big step. Every step gets you closer to where you want to be. Congrats on your new haircolor, looks great on you Launna!I've thought about adding funky colors to mine, but I'm not brave enough, maybe some day.

    xo,
    Tania
    http://inspiremyfancy.blogspot.com/

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  53. Dear Launna,
    I hope you are well and can walk easily. Thanks a lot for your so lovely comment and your prayers, my uncle has been operated again, a blood mass is pushing aside a kidney.
    I send you a big big hug :)


    xoxo
    www.bellezzefelici.blogspot.com

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  54. You took a risk...did something you wanted and love what you did to your hair. It looks great on you.Stay focused on you. Hugs.

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  55. I am so glad you did that to your hair! I love it. =)
    Anyway, food is indeed a basic need Launna and I hope everything works out well for you, that you'll be able to manage your food addiction. I love eating. I mean who doesn't love eating right? But I hope that you'll be able to control it so you'll be happy about food again. :)

    Have a nice day Launna and always be happy =)

    xoxo, rae
    http://www.raellarina.net/

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  56. Oh Launna, I'm in a limbo too. Life can be unfair sometimes, but yea I agree. Sometimes we bring it upon ourselves. May God help us in the decisions we make and direct us.
    About love, my heart has been broken a dozen times. Sometimes I give up on love and it finds me (I think anyway), but end up in the ish hole again. I refuse to believe that there's no true love out there for us. May God helps us and may God heal your heart.
    Great post, beautiful lady. :))

    missymayification.blogspot.co.uk

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  57. Passando para ti desejar um belo dia
    Canal: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DmO8csZDARM
    Blog: http://arrasandonobatomvermelho.blogspot.com.br/

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  58. O my dear Launna you look so beautiful with the lovely hair!! And yes as you mentioned I am really focusing these days..focusing on what I need to achieve and just avoiding things and people which bring only negativity and are all fake..so I am focusing on positives of life.
    Hope you are doing fine my dear.
    Much love and hugs <3

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  59. I truly thought I left my comment here......
    I think that "limbo " feeling is one a lot of people can identify with and I feel like it's significance is to tell us that it is time to change something, a pattern that isn't working.
    God will keep directing you Launna, keep trusting....

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  60. Update on the guy: After giving him some cold shoulder over the weekend, he "wised up" a bit and asked to take me to dinner on Monday. It went really well... we had a very open and vulnerable talk... and I was surprised that our feelings were aligned closely and we both had similar insecurities and thoughts... anyway... we're officially BF/GF now... and my feelings feel safe with him.

    I think we've been blogger friends as long as I've had a few relationships... first there was psycho and then there was cheater... and now there's David. David seems great... and he's giving me hope again. It's a fragile bit of hope, but it's there. My relationship with psycho was so toxic and my relationship with cheater was really superficial... its been 1.5 months with David, and so far, no BIG RED FLAGS like in the past are flaring up.

    Where are you placing yourself to be out there for love, Launna? Are guys giving you a smile and you're ruling them out? Why? What's your type? David is not my "usual" and it's been a short amount of time, but so far so good. Try a new type???


    Amber
    All the Cute
    Today's Post: Jag Jeans Style Series: Denim Jacket for a Brunch Date!

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  61. I love your new hair colour Launna!
    kss a lot
    http://tupersonalshopperviajero.blogspot.com.es

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤