Holding On Could Mean Holding Back

If I had to explain why, I couldn't.  Shouldn't I at least understand why?  Am I not meant to know?  Am I always meant to wonder?  Or am I just supposed to accept without questioning?  So many questions without any answers.  Is that the way it should be? 

A year later and I am more in the dark than I originally was; each day does not get easier.  Lately it becomes more cloudy, harder to see the outcome. I loved when things were clear, they were.  Something came along and took away the clarity.

Maybe I don't have the Faith I need, do you think it because I've been let down so many times it's hard to hold on to Faith?  It's not impossible, it's just difficult.  I wish I could forget the past, not hold onto it so fiercely.  Maybe I need to let go completely?  Maybe that's the only way? 

Holding on could mean holding back, I don't know how to let go! I've tried and quickly I grab on and hold on for dear life believing that by giving up or giving in means losing.  What if by holding on I'm losing the most.

When will I believe I'm worth giving in and realize it's not losing at all; it's really a growing experience that will show me the true path I'm meant to be on.  Maybe the truth was that I deserved even better.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield


  1. Thank you Mateusz, I appreciate the comment ;)

  2. yeah...
    just because we let go of something, does not mean we gave up
    it just meant that we have tried our hardest but we know there are better things to come

  3. Sometimes its hard asking questions that seem to have no answer but our minds will contnue to work on finding the answer even after we've given up on the question. Hang in there!

  4. Thank you Sayid, I have such a hard time giving this one up. Maybe if I could, I could just move forward.

  5. Thank you Jenn, I wonder why our minds won't let things go. Maybe it would hurt more to know the answer? I just don't know anymore :S.

  6. You are such a sweetie Sayid... I wish I had that much belief in myself:)


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