I've Always Known And I Always Will

I have started to write a post for two days now, nothing is coming out even though I am completely overwhelmed with feelings.  I feel helpless and lacking, right at this moment, all I want to do is go to Edmonton and then Wainwright and look after David.  Realistically I know that cannot happen, I have too many commitments with work and no money to go out there. 

My 'D' has messaged me, he even made me laugh as usual, he knows how to make me smile... he is still having a few small health issues from the operation but he should be out of the hospital tomorrow.  He will really need to rest a lot and I am stuck here, working when this man that I care so much about is far away.  No matter where our lives go, he is always going to be be My One And Only.  He gets me, he knows what to say to calm me down.  There are not many people that can do that for me... I am one of those people that freak out first and then get it together and do what I need to, to make it work out. 

I have never freaked out with David, he knows what to say to me so that I figure out how to keep it together without freaking out... I don't know if this makes sense to anyone.  I grew up with so much uncertainty in my life, so much of not feeling wanted or loved.  I had to get past that, I had to learn to love myself.  It has not always been easy but I won't ever give up trying to better myself; it's just so much easier when you have someone that totally believes in you and wants the best for you.  That's what my "D" does for me... he makes me feel that I should always remember that I am special and deserve love.

I want him to be so happy, that would make me happy... I love him with my heart and soul.  I feel like I have known him all my life and although I have known him for 34 years, I have really only known him for the past 4 years.  I am sure many people who have met their soul mates know what I am talking about... there are just people who you fit with and know that they were and are meant to be in your life always.

I had an epiphany the other night that I want to write about that soon, first I just need to make sure my David is on the mend; than I can clear my mind and talk about my amazing experience.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield 


  1. I hope David recovers and is fully well soon. I can understand the frustration and hurt even at not being able to be with someone you love at a time when they are ill. Take care Launna.

  2. It has been unbelievably difficult Behind the Smile... all I wanted was to be with David... it's awful when it isn't possible:(


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