Today I had another aha moment, I have been reading and studying the book Women Food and God by Geneen Roth. I had a moment almost two months ago and immediately changed how I ate. I don't deprive myself of food, I really think about what I am eating. I make a conscious choice to listen to myself and put myself first. I used to say, I don't have time to eat breakfast, I make time now. I never took a lunch but then I would buy junk food to eat, now I take lots of vegetables and fruit so that I never even think of buying junk.
Lately though, I have been wondering how I could be eating so healthy, so thoughtfully and still not losing any weight. Today I realized that it was because I have tortured my body for so many years by never listening to it, by depriving it of food or gorging beyond belief. I understood that my body is not believing me because I have never listened to it in the past but I know that the weight loss can not be denied as my body will catch up with my mind and the weight loss will happen. My body will believe what I know what my mind already knows.
I also want to teach my children differently, especially my youngest daughter at home, I know that I have to set the example before she will ever learn it. I have to show her that food is not love and that if she really is to love herself, she will listen to what her body wants and she will deal with the pain without shoving it down with food.
I am so incredibly grateful that I have been open to the message and that I have continued to be open to each message that meant to help guide me to be the best me.