I realized that always knowing is not always the best. The truth can be very painful, what the alternative is worse. I don't want to do what I have always done in the past, which is eat to cover it. I just don't know if I can handle how deep this pain feels. I want to be able to get past it so that I don't let it destroy me. I have only ever let one other person do that to me and I promised myself that I would never be hurt that bad again. Well, I was wrong, I somewhere diverted from my plan and now I have to deal with the repercussions.
I just thought there would be a way, if I could just have a chance, I could prove what I know. No chance was given so now I cannot prove what I know. Thinking about where I have come from and how on this same matter, I always return to the beginning, it's like I have not learned my lesson.
I thought it was painful the first time around, this one is pretty deep. I guess I will just have to cry whenever I feel like it, maybe I can move on if I feel. I just wish that I had a chance.
So, as painful as the truth is, I guess I will feel it so that I don't eat it, I guess I have learned something, even though I'm without what I have always wanted.