I had an odd night last night, I tried to connect with someone last night and I did it in a way that is not me. So I realized that although I feel great about myself and all the fantastic changes in my life, I am still very vunerable when it comes to being attracted to someone. I still have that imbeded thought that a man couldn't possibly love me, all he wants is something physical. So, I figured out that I still have work to do.
I love me, I am a good, kind, loving, funny person, I am finally starting to believe it, so honestly I deserve the whole thing, not just pieces. Hmmm, that means I have to act like the woman that I am and let myself shine through. I am interesting, I can talk about anything, I can listen, I have empathy, I have all kinds of different interests. I am not afraid of change, it is the only way we grow.
I also realized that I am not in love but I do have feelings, strong feelings. You cannot be in love with someone if they are not in love with you. So, no matter what road we travel, if it is not the same path, I would still want to remain friends with that person. When I like someone, I really take an interest in them. That is just me, if I have no interest in you, you are no where near my life.
I had a friend who I loved for over 20 years but when push came to shove, he let me down in a way that no one in my life has ever done. I held on until about a month ago and I removed him completely from my life. He once told me that he would always have the ability to contact me, well now he can't. You don't treat your friends like that. You stand by your friends, especially when they have had experiences beyond what they thought they could handle. He just abandoned me, left me to deal with my pain. I totally became someone that I didn't even know. I am so glad that I got a handle on that. I had to rid my life of toxic things and toxic people.
I have honestly never felt better... my life is really very good, I have a cute place, especially when it is clean;) I have a great job with so much potential, I have two beautiful children, who are amazing and keep me centred and I have a lot of friends, thank goodness I am not a shy person, I remember as a teenager and in my early 20's, I was very shy but then I just changed that. I am glad I did, my friends have helped me out so much throughout my life and I want to return the favor to all of them.
Well have to work, hoping I always remember as I know right here and now, I deserve to be loved, everyone does. We are all special in our own way, we touch each others lives in ways we don't even know. I am just grateful that it happens.