I have been inspired today, I realized that I have not been lazy or a failure, I have been fighting depression. Unfortunately medication isn't something that I can take, I have tried many. Counselling has been my only help which has been great. I rather enjoy that hour that I get to talk about whatever I want to talk about. I can talk at the best of the times but I talk non stop for an hour. It always makes me feel better. Some days or time periods are better then others but some are not so great. I actually went to work one day and I cried the whole entire day.
The cry helped release allot of pain even though that is not always the best way to release it. Dealing with it is the only way that really helps and making goals that are achievable. I have had some pretty wonderful days too, the kind that remind me life is meant to be happy. I keep reminding myself that I have come through some very dark periods and actually thrived. This last one has lasted longer than most but I am not going to let it defeat me, I am a survivor.
One thing that has helped me is by me helping someone else. It kept my mind on something else other than my problems. I actually learned to love cooking again, just simple home cooked food. Another thing that has helped is pampering myself by getting my hair colored, my eyebrows done, paint my nails, etc. I have neglected that lately but I getting back on track by March.
I also find writing gratitude lists very helpful, they always remind me how lucky and blessed I am. It really helps to lift my mood, I think I will start another gratitude journal. It's always nice to look back and see how things changed or how much they remained the same.