The Outcome

I seem to fear the outcome so much that I don't like to make decisions, they seem so final.  Well, I had to make a decision about something, otherwise it would have destroyed me to continue along on the path that I was on.  I had to know one way or the other, even though knowing has hurt.  I just feel like there could have been a different outcome, if I was only given the chance.

I definitely wish it hadn't changed us, I really think that is what makes me not want a make a decision.  For as long as I didn't make my mind up, the longer I had you in my life. Even if the ride was bumpy at times, it was so much fun though. Now I have nothing and that doesn't feel good either, too bad we couldn't still be friends.

Valentina had so much fun outside today, she climbed up our little snow hills outside and slid down them, she really wanted to go on a big hill.  I really have to take her to Citadel hill one time, not sure I want to go down it but maybe take her and a friend. She just has such a great love of winter, I wish I had a little of her love for it, it would make my bus ride to work and back easier to deal with.

I hope I have a better week at work, last week I was so cranky.  I don't want to be like that this week, it makes the week last forever. Pretty soon I can start to take some vacation days, I think I need a few long weekends here and there. I also need to find something to fill my empty time, I don't want to wallow... that's no fun.

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