I lost focus this week because of disappointments, you would think I would know better by now but I am human, no matter how much I want to always rise above my challenges and disappointments just like that, it isn't that easy... some days I need to take the time and deal with the feelings and emotions of having life not work out the way I had hoped. What did I learn from it? I learned life doesn't get easier, I just get stronger.
It's okay that I take a step back but I have to decide if I am going to be stronger than the lesson or if I am going to give into it... I don't want to give into it, I have done that in the past. It didn't bring me happiness, I only thought it did at the time... This whole week I thought, life isn't fair... other people attain their dreams why not me? I know that sounds selfish and I don't like to sound that way, nor do I want to feel that way... Disappointment has a way of allowing me to feel that way, even though I know that absolutely no one has it easy.
Just because I look at someones life and I think they have it all together, past experience has taught me that is crap, that's a lie... no one has it easy, no one has all that they desire or wish for... if they did, they would have nothing left to work towards. How boring would that be? The truth is that even though disappoints hurt more than I can ever convey, they also teach us something about ourselves.
The real question is if I want to learn from it?... it means really looking deep inside myself and changing a part of myself bit by bit... It cannot all be changed overnight, that would be too much to deal with all at once. I have the choice of walking away and giving up but frankly that has never helped me grow, giving up always made things worse because the lesson comes back, bigger and stronger... I either take the time to learn from it now... or I learn from it the harder way later on.
This week taught me that I can either have excuses or I can make changes, I cannot have both, that is sitting on the fence and that isn't possible. There is no standing still, we are either moving forward or we are going backwards... and I don't want to go backwards anymore... I have learned the trip back is only more difficult than if I kept going forward to begin with.
Yes I have had huge disappointments and challenges many people would never want... but so has everyone else... and when I think about some of the other challenges other people have to deal with, I am grateful that I don't have them... Regardless of how many disappointments I have to deal with in the future, at least I know my worth and not everyone can say that... So, even though life doesn't get easier, I am thankful I am getting stronger.
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