Comebacks Are Stonger Than Setbacks

Time has been flying by so quick lately, I have been busy at work, doing overtime, staying late to get work done and starting early. By the time I'd get off, it was all I could do to just make a meal and keep up with the housework. There are less than two weeks left for the busiest time of year at work, I am looking forward to having time for myself again. This weekend is a long one for us in Nova Scotia today, it is Family Day... I made sure I had all the housework and grocery shopping done so that today would just be for me to write... oh and get caught up on my blogs... I am way behind and I have truly missed you all. 

I think I need to consider giving television up again, I did it for 5 months before and I didn't miss it... it is such a time waster for me. I haven't been able to give it up totally, so I have been contemplating having one day a week where I can watch a couple of my favorite shows and turn it off for the rest of the time. Then I could actually use my time for other activities such as cooking, reading, exercising and keeping in contact with people I love. I have been questioning what I really want as I find that I am doing the opposite of what I say I want... I do wish it was easier to commit to doing what I say... 

I remember being so committed, I had a goal and I was driven... it's like I let the challenges break me. I am being honest here, I let those challenges break me, it's like I am terrified of committing to anything... I have failed so many times in the last year to year and a half. Part of me thinks if I don't commit I won't fail again... When I know that if I don't commit I will fall backwards... because the truth is if we are not moving forward, we are going backwards. I want to change that feeling, I want to face the fear and move through it... 

I have been acting like I am weak and unable to fix the broken parts of me... somehow it seemed easier than facing the truth and making the changes. I have grown through many challenges that I often believed were impossible for me to see through to the other side... Each time the trial seemed insurmountable and yet I made it over each mountain over and over... becoming stronger. Every one of us has numerous tests we are given, we all have to decide for ourselves if we are going to fight to get through or let them bury us. 

I have been allowing it to bury me and frankly, it hasn't felt good... I have talked the good talk for months but they have been empty words, admitting that I have been going backwards is the first step in moving forward. I know I cannot make all the changes I want all at once, I have to start prioritizing what is important and then build on it each day. No one climbed a mountain in one day, it took climbing hills and gaining strength and knowledge to get to the top of the mountain. I know I have to commit all the way but... I don't have to commit to everything all at once, that will just continue to make me feel like a failure and I won't ever succeed at anything. 

The good thing for me is that spring is on its way here, still a month or so away but I am seeing the light... and Valentina has her orthodontist appointment in less than two weeks, so I will finally have a price to fix her teeth. Half the issue is not knowing, I can't commit any other money anywhere until I know what I will be needing on a monthly basis. Also, I will then be able to get around easier when the snow is gone and the daylight will last later in the day... I have hibernated with winter, more so than usual but it's time for me to take the first step of ascending that mountain I want to climb to the top of... Although there will be setbacks, the comeback is always stronger...

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Change Becomes Easier With Support

I have been contemplating if change is as easy as some people say, I know that there have been times in my life where one minute I was living my life one way and then within a moment I changed and never looked back. Other times I want to flip that switch inside, only I fail over and over. I question myself as to what the difference is between my successes and my failures. For me, I think I succeed when I am no longer afraid of failure and I believe in myself.  

I have been trying to get back on track food wise and failing miserably... I wake up with good intentions and before I know it I fail. Part of me believes I cannot have success without cardio exercise and at the moment it just isn't possible. I have to come to terms with that, I need to take a step in the right direction and have confidence in myself again.  I achieved a goal I had long ago thought wasn't possible, I did it in a moment and for very long time I didn't look back... not until I injured myself and this is where I allowed failure into my life.

When I was injured, the switch I had turned on a couple of years ago was turned off, depression took over my thoughts and mind... the more pain I had the more I turned to food. The sad truth is that I am in more pain because of the weight gain...  it was difficult to exercise right after I was hurt... I lost sight of my long term goals. I gave into the short term injuries... and caused them to be worse... Sadly, I believe we all do this to a degree in our lives.

Why?  Excuses, fear, rationalization, doubt and feelings of inadequacy... Regardless of the story we tell ourselves, we either live with those choices we made or make a decision to choose better and do the work needed. Change can be easy when we commit with our whole heart, otherwise, change is difficult... but always possible. . .

As scary as it sounds and feels, the power to change anything is within us... the only thing stopping us is ourselves. Do I like admitting that to myself? No, it is easier to put the blame on other people and outside forces, however; I also know until I decide to do this for myself, I will not move forward with my health. The older that I become, the more I understand that without my health, I really don't have much.

So, I am open to ideas from everyone, I need to think outside the box... I would love to get motivated again. If I could get started with simple yoga and easy strength training ... I think it could get me started down the right path of becoming healthy again. If anyone has YouTube sites or websites that they find helpful, could you leave the links in the comments. I feel a little overwhelmed when I do searches as usually I find sites that are too complex, which means I don't stay with it. Also, maybe a group I can check in daily with to keep me accountable. Change becomes easier with support...

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