I'm Making Memories, Not Just Dreaming

 

What a week I've had ... I started it out on a low and ended it on a high. I was pretty frustrated with how I was feeling and how I couldn't seem to change it... This week was a learning and growing week for me.  I've been talking with a guy, somebody I talked to a couple of years ago. I won't be discussing him openly if and until this becomes something more, even then I won't be gushing about how lucky I am over social media.

I don't need a man to make me happy... of course I want someone special to spend my life with but I can guarantee he will have to put the work in to prove he's serious. I want a real commitment, I'm not a teenager, I won't be endlessly dating, nor do I plan to live with any man until he figures out what he wants. Why? Because I'm a girl that has finally learned that I will not accept less.

What brought me to this point? Friends and acquaintances who were posting about how lucky they were to have so and so or stating how so and so loved them and how blessed they were because of this... I actually sat back and thought what? You know what I thought when I read these things? I felt sad for these women who seemed to think they had to thank the men they were with for loving them... my personal thought was, how about loving themselves first?

I say this because I was there before... I remember how lucky I felt that 'he' wanted to date me, I was over the moon... wow... I thought so little of myself. Today I'm in a much different place ... I had my eyes opened in the past year. My wish is that we all remember our worth and stop gushing about how lucky we are to have a man. We all deserve love and finding/having love doesn't make us luckier... posting about it endlessly makes us sound insecure. 

My life is pretty full with Valentina, work, exercise, blogging... the list is long. Although I have not ruled out love, I have to tell you that the guy that wins my heart will have to be pretty special... I want an equal partner, one that sees how incredibly special I am too... I plan to make memories, not just dream about what I want in my life...

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Learning To Rise Again

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments and messages from last week, I had been feeling very vulnerable and overwhelmed... there are many changes I am dealing with as we all are and I know that none of us have it simple... The point that I wanted to get across last week was that there are times we all feel down and we need to be able to express this, we shouldn't live there as that isn't healthy for us either but I believe we all need to have our feelings validated from time to time. 

Our biggest successes in life come from rising after a fall.. no one likes to fail, it can paralyze us from trying again but if we allow it to stop us we will never grow... It's what I have been going through for the last couple of years. I have been frozen with fear to really give love a chance again and not because love didn't work out for him and me, I knew that for a very long time and had come to terms with it before.

What had me stuck for so long was how we had shared everything, all of our hopes, our dreams and how we were the best of friends. I believed I could count on him when I needed to vent or talk about a trial I was going through... and he could most certainly count on me, even today. When I lost that relationship I lost my ability to trust anyone. I put on the face, said the right things but deep down inside I was lost for a very long time. 

I had fallen further than I had ever fallen in my life... I kept thinking there was no way I could get back to trusting anyone and definitely not like that again... if he and I could share so many things on such a deep and personal level and still have our friendship fall completely apart... how could I honestly learn to trust anyone even a little? It was then that I thought about how trusting was really learning and that although I fell, I needed to continue to rise. 

I guarantee it will be difficult for me to fully trust anyone like I did him... but what I am willing to do today, is start to trust just a little and build from there. Eventually I will trust someone as much or maybe even more than I did him... When I think of other extremely difficult trials I have overcome, none of them were easy but I found a way to rise each time. For I never want to stop learning as that is how I will grow and become stronger.

Maybe that is what he was in my life for, to teach me that even if everything we believe in fails and we fall, it matters that we always rise and learn to try again.

 

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