I Want The Magic

I've been trying to write for awhile, my internet keeps going off... apparently it will now be out until 8... a couple of hours.  Valentina and I took the opportunity to make smoothies and play a board game. It was fun going back to basics, I even ignored the phone as it had to be recharged in my room.  Valya decided to take a bath, so I took the opportunity to write my post in an email.  Then I can take an hour and catch up on all your blogs .

I was finally able to find a couple of stores that sold some cute and unique shirts.  I even found two dresses and two skirts.  I had a little fun going out and trying things on until I got over heated.  The good thing about getting new clothes was one I have clothes that fit me and two it gave me a reason to clean out my closet... Then we cleaned out Valentina's too... both of them look so good, we now see what we have.

I still haven't sleep, I'm beginning to wonder if I will ever sleep a full night again?  I want to believe that somehow it will resolve itself... I know of only one way that I can see and unfortunately it's not an option. Instead I just keep getting by with broken sleep, how long can I function like that? I never thought I could could last six months but I'm here passing the six month mark.

Why do some trials we have to deal with seem so unfair...?  I have friends I know dealing with challenges that make me wonder how they get up each day.  Then I realized that I too could curl up and stay in bed day after day but I don't allow myself to wallow there... Some days are tougher than others, a good day is when I don't cry on the way to work.. or when someone makes me laugh... or when I feel that one day all of this will make sense.

I want to rise above this latest challenge... not just survive it but really grow from it.  Otherwise I will continually play this scenario out, over and over.  Truthfully I'm tired of the same results... I deserve better and I know I expect better.  It is scary to trust again, especially when the person I trusted more than anyone changed in ways I didn't think was possible.  I have asked myself why I would want to ever take that chance again?  Then I heard this somewhere, we continue to want to fall in love, because it is the closest thing to magic... I want the magic. . .

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

My Lovely Blog Makeover And The New Competition

So, I am finally getting a chance to write here, it has been a very busy week, first I have had a blog make over as most of you can see.  I am so very pleased with it, Nicole from Not Before My Tea had offered a few of her readers a free blog make over and I quickly responded as I have been wanting something cleaner and more up to date.  I have been following her blog and Instagram for quite sometime.  I rarely start following a new blog unless the writer has commented on mine and then I read theirs and usually follow them. 

With Nicole, I happened upon her blog through Bloglovin as another one of my readers had liked her post.  Well, can I tell you that I laughed so hard that I was hooked from day one.  I always look forward to each of her post updates, she almost always makes me laugh and I definitely smile.  She is young, an avid runner and she has moved from Florida to Chicago as she stated that she wanted to experience real seasons.... Well, she has had enough of the lovely snow that she was enamored with... hence why she wrote this hilarious post I Almost Lost My Feet...

Also an update on 'him', very sweet guy, we are just going to be friends for now as he lives nearly two hours away.  He may eventually move to the city and who knows what might happen then but honestly it is hard enough to keep a relationship going when you are in the same area... We are not ruling out seeing each other but neither of us are ready to commit to moving closer to each other at this time.  It was just really nice to actually have an interest in someone... it's nice to know that I could.

As well, I haven't been as motivated to get the rest of the weight off... due to the holidays and the weather.  I realized I needed to find something to motivate me and luckily work is hosting another Biggest Loser starting next Friday.  I am in the zone as you all know, I am highly competitive.... It starts next Friday, January 17th and runs for 10 weeks, I am so excited... I think I love competing, even if it is only competing with myself... I will be back to the gym starting next week and I can hardly wait.

I should be down to my goal weight by April and then the fun part begins with maintaining... losing it is not the hardest thing, maintaining it is... but I am up for the challenge, plus the Spring will be here soon and I will be back to walking outside 5-6 days per week.  I love the gym where I go but I really love exercising outside... especially when it's Spring or Fall. 

I hope you all take the opportunity to hop over to Nicole's blog Not Before My Tea and give her some love with a comment.  I promise you will not be disappointed... most likely you will thank Nicole for the laugh and me for telling you about her.   I want to give Nicole a great big thank you for all the lovely work she did cleaning up my blog... it still has too much on the sidebar but that is me... not Nicole... lol.

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Laughter Is Truly Needed

 

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore. 

Oh how I have missed blogging, I have not gone this many days in a great long while... I keep wanting to write but I am so busy.  I am continually trying to keep up with the blogs I follow... I may have to give myself a break there once and a while if I am going to get anything else done.  Also, I have ramped up my exercise, I couldn't walk yesterday morning as it was kind of rainy and really damp, I decided to bus it and then use the stationary bike at work... can I say wow... my thighs are feeling it this morning.  Anytime you change your routine up, you can feel it... it just means I am on the right path.... So I biked for 20 minutes before work and sweat like crazy... then I went back and did it again at lunch... I even went an extra mile from morning.

Then I was reading some updates on Facebook and one of the girls in the contest has been walking for the past couple of days... yesterday, she updated that she was going for a 5K, I was like, congratulations... now I need to go for a 5K, lol.  Have I told you that I am highly competitive, just in case you are not aware.  I walked/jogged for just about 3 miles last night... my best time for the length of time I went for.  I am so feeling that in my joints this morning.  What do you think I am going to do today?  I am going to bike this morning and at lunch and if at all possible, I am going to walk tonight, it of course depends on the weather... which is threatening thundershowers.

I also measured myself, so in three weeks, I have lost 3 inches of my hips and 5 inches off my waist... this exercise is so worth it... I can see this weight loss even if I am just wearing my nightgown.  How I wish I had put the two together years ago but I cannot beat myself up for that, I just have to go with it now and be very grateful that I can do this exercise now and that I am thrilled to be eating so healthy these days. I really think for a healthy lifestyle to take hold, I have to be in the right frame of mind... I am hoping I can drop at least 1-2 pounds this week, especially after I lost a big number last week. I just don't want to plateau or gain while I am on the contest... it is only a short 11 weeks, Friday will be the seventh week, with only a four short weeks remaining.

I don't give myself much time to think about anything but exercising and eating healthy, I know I have to give myself time to do other things or this lifestyle won't stick as I cannot continue to only do this and work... that is not what life is about long term..  Yes, I will ALWAYS exercise and truly I want to... I feel better, I feel stronger and I see the benefits but I understand that I cannot do this 7 days a week for the rest of my life.  I talked to a girl at work who dropped a lot of weight and she has made it to her goal weight, she told me now that she is there, she has to work out hard three days a week to maintain... I think three days a week is doable... I am looking forward to be able to do this in about a year or so... until then, it will be 6-7 days a week.

Part of the reason that I don't give myself time to think is because of my David... if I did... I would probably be melancholy... however; the moment I feel that, I go out and exercise until I feel better... love those endorphins.  I remember in the beginning how I thought I had sweat... this past week I have had to peal my clothes off from how hard I have made myself walk/jog/bike...  I can't stay with the same routine, I have to ramp it up a little at a time or it will not be helpful in the long run.  I want so much to talk to my D for more than a few words each day, I miss being able to spill my insides out to him... I love how I can say anything to him and that he still thought I was wonderful.  I haven't had that for so long because of him having to plan a large and detailed exercise and then he had to go out on the exercise... then he was busy writing up about this in great detail.  Finally he went on vacation and now this would be the best time but I am so incredibly busy with exercising that by the time he comes on line, I have to crawl into bed.

The old me would have stayed up until 11 or 12 and talked to him, the me of today is usually off line no later than 10... I am so committed to this that I don't allow myself to stay up as late as I usually did in the past... Besides my body says it has had enough and I usually have no choice in the matter.  One thing though, I really wish I could sleep through the whole night, I am still waking up about every 2-3 hours... I fall right back to sleep but I still wake up... which gives me broken sleep.  I really miss my best friend, I need one of those chats we have where we laugh non stop for an hour, that's what we do... we talk a mile a minute and we never lack for words and the laughter is unbelievable... I haven't been able to really let go for a while... I have been holding in a lot which I know isn't always good long term... I just don't want to get off track while I am on this contest... I so need to be focused.

I keep telling myself that in September I will be able to give myself a night a week but then I will be training for the 5K that I am going to run in October... I will have to really focus on that.  I think I will just have to take that me time and talk to my best friend so that I don't let everything pile up and then spill over... maybe not in a good way... I need to be healthy about this.  I don't want to be back at square one, I love the new committed me, I am loving all the changes I have made and I love the path I am on... I want to stay here and continue on to see how far I can make it down this path.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Life's A Lesson, Live It, Learn It, Love It

I ended up having a pretty good day with Valentina... I had wanted to go to the lake but found out they were closed due to the bacteria count... so, we ended up at an outdoor pool.  If it was up to Valentina, she would have swam all day but two hours was my limit of sitting around doing nothing and I needed to head home.  I'm glad we went downtown for a couple of hours, I even got in a short walk... I'm planning on a longer one tonight.

                                                           

I feel the need to walk, I have SO much going on in my mind and I just need to be able to clear my mind.  I wonder if that is even possible?  However; it does feel great to walk and push myself beyond what I think I am able to handle... plus all this exercise is amazingly good for me... I love how great I feel... One month ago I never would have believed I could walk this much and actually feel good.

I'm feeling a little melancholy... especially after what I wrote to my David last night... the ONLY way that came out through a text was because it was inside me...  He's been busy and we haven't had the time to talk like we normally do, which is hard for me as I save up all that I need to say to him and once we talk it spills out so fast I am hardly breathing.  Then I can sigh and take a deep breath... I need a good chat with my best friend.
                                                                              

Doesn't talking with your best friend help make things better?  Or at least give you a better perspective?  That's what my David does for me... he helps me to see things differently...  he makes me laugh.... although I have laughed lately, I haven't laughed the way I do with him... One of those silly, giggly laughs where I do nothing but smile...

I know this is going to sound silly... I'm looking forward to turning 50, which is in ten days.  My life is pretty good... not perfect but good (perfection does not exist)... I love that I have goals that I'm working towards... I am watching them all come to pass... one after the other.  I just have to continue to believe that everything will work out as it should.

I read this quote/saying on my friend Jaimie's Facebook page and wanted to share it... even if we have heard similar things often it is wonderful to be reminded of them, especially when times are a little rough: 

 Life isn't meant to be easy. It's meant to be lived. Sometimes happy, other times rough. But with every up and down you learn lessons that make you strong.

Life's a lesson. Live it, learn it, love it

Even though life does not go my way as often as I would like it to... I need to be reminded that I am truly blessed... It's okay to be a little sad, a little reflective and a little melancholy at times... just as long as we don't wallow in it all the time...  That last line is very true... Life's a lesson, live it, learn it, love it....

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Marcia from 'Menopausal Mother'

Today I want to introduce you  to Marcia from Menopausal Mother... I can tell you this, I was instantly hooked as she has the most wicked humor, I know that when she posts that I am in for a hearty laugh.  Sometimes I laugh so hard that my belly hurts, in a good way.  Since I am in the starting phases of menopause, I get the greatest kick out of how she explains what a woman goes through.  I can tell you one thing, our mother's never explained how awful menopause is.... Basically when a hot flash hits, you are sure your body is on fire.... it usually starts from your head and moves down...

I asked Marcia to write a little about herself, so that you can all get to know and love her as I do.

     Hello Everyone! I am so happy and honored to be asked by the lovely Launna to share a bit about Menopausal Mother today on her blog! I'm a middle aged mama blogging about the good, the bad and the ugly side of menopausal mayhem. I have four children (3 young adults and 1 ornery teenager) and a husband who I'm pretty sure is Robin Williams' long lost twin brother. 

     Before I discovered the benefits of Prozac, I began blogging to restore my sanity. Between hot flashes, weight gain, night sweats and fatigue, I was stuck riding that crazy, hormonal train wreck known as menopause, until I discovered the world of blogging. It was comforting to find an entire community of frustrated women out there just like me, going through the same bouts of secret, chocolate binge-eating in linen closets and swilling cheap wine out of a box in the fridge. 

     When I'm not busy blogging, I'm usually playing with my five, furry chinchillas or changing diapers on my toddler pug. On any given day you'll find me baking (rum cakes are my specialty) or smashing my bathroom scale with a sledge hammer (we never seem to agree on numbers). I'm a nervous person who chews on her cuticles all day (my fingertips look like they've been through a cheese grater) and I have an unnatural fear of making left turns at major intersections. You'll never see me set foot on an airplane again (unless copious amounts of vodka are involved) and I have an overwhelming phobia of cockroaches. I also hate ear wax, un-flushed toilets and dirty toenails, but that's beside the point. I love squirrels, zombies, Johnny Depp, Godiva chocolates and Guy Fieri....but not all together and not necessary in that order. Starbucks is my crack and Pinot Grigio in my backyard garden is my favorite pastime. My blog is 95% humor, wanna learn more? Check out my site at: http://Menopausalmother.blogspot.com 

Here are a couple of my recent favorite blog posts of Marcia's:

Fly On The Wall: Life In A Loony Bin

Fly On The Wall In The Nut House

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Joy From Challenges

 

 In one week I will be back to work, I am kind of excited... I know that will wear off with the first crazy busy day.  However; I miss the interaction with people, talking to my teammates every day and dealing with clients.  This really is a good job for me, I love to talk and I can usually make my clients laugh and feel good after they have spoken with me. 

I have been thinking about how long it has been since I have felt complete joy, I have joyful moments, what I mean is a prolonged joy where everything seems to come together.  I don't suppose that we could grow to our potential if all we ever experienced was joy.  It really is those trials that we endure, overcome, get through that end up bringing us the most joy.

I hold on to that thought as I deal with my trials, I will get through them... I always do.  Some just take a little longer, I think when I make it through a really difficult trial... I will be able to see why the trial was needed to push me out of my comfort zone, so that I don't settle for less than my best.  I deal with depression which can be difficult to handle, I decided a year ago that I didn't like the way pills made me feel.   Sure I rarely cried but I also rarely felt anything, I felt it was better to be able to cry and let out some emotion.  I don't think that this is a way for everyone to deal with depression, this is just how I handle mine.

Besides I am so jaded from taking any pills other than an occasional Advil or antibiotic.  I am going to start taking natural vitamins.  After my issue with my cholesterol medication, I am very leery of taking any pharmaceuticals... that was very scary for me when I could barely walk with the medication causing weakness to my muscles.  The last couple of days I have felt more myself when walking, other than I need to build up core strength.  I will be looking at natural ways to handle any of my health issues in the future...

I didn't sleep very much last night, maybe three hours.... Tonight I am going to change my sheets and than I am going to take a relaxing hot bubble bath...  that should help me drift off to dreamland.  It is all about doing things naturally for my body as much as possible, I cannot handle the side effects of most medication I have taken in the past.

Friday I am going to blog about another favorite blogger of mine, she has me in stitches with each post, I have to read her blog when I am alone or people around would think I was crazy laughing so loud... alright, I already hear my family and friends saying, can she laugh any louder than she does now... hahaha...   I hope you all take the opportunity to visit some of their blogs.

 

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥  

Some Memories Always Make Me Laugh

Today I was reminded of a class trip I took when I was fourteen and in grade nine.  We had four grade nine classes with about 25-30 per class, we all went on a day trip to some caves in Nova Scotia. Half of the group went into the caves in the morning and when they came out from their excursion, the second group which I was a part of started off for their chance to explore some caves.

We had to walk along a path that had a steep gravel drop off to one side, of course I slipped and ended up sliding down the gravel, with nothing to stop me... thankfully a couple of teachers were there and were able to reach me before I slid to the bottom.  I never strayed close to the edge after that, I learned my lesson.  After finally walking over the narrow path, we reached the mouth of the cave.  My classmates went before me, I climbed in, attempted to step down, found I had caught my foot in between two rocks....

I ceremoniously fell into the cave, losing my hard hat that another teacher had to retrieve for me.  By this point, I wanted to get out of the cave and go home, however; that was not an option.  I trudged along in the dark with my friends and a small flashlight.  My feet were sinking into mud, I pulled my food out and somehow lost my sneaker... I had to fish into the mud to find it.

Finally our exploring was over and I was finally FREE to get back to civilization.  While walking out, we had to walk over a brook using some strategic rocks.... by this point I laughed and walked into the brook... really after all that I had dealt with that day a little brook wasn't going to hurt me.  I climbed onto the bus, found a seat and prepared to get comfortable for the ride home.

While adjusting my clothing and brushing off dried mud, I realized my underwear were sticking out of my pants... all I can tell you is I was more shades of red that day than I can remember.  It is always hard to be a teenager and not fit in, the stories later though are so much funnier than they were on the day they happened.

I remember thinking, wow.... how am I going to live this down... teenagers are not always nice.  I wish I could tell that fourteen old girl (me) that those people wouldn't matter later in life and that actually the incident turned out to be a great memory that makes me laugh every time I think of it. 

We all need to laugh at ourselves a little more often and not be so serious.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥