Writing Is Like Breathing To Me

It feels like a very long time since I have written, yet it has only been a couple of weeks... I am glad that I took the time for a variety of reasons, one I actually started getting a handle on my housework, it had began to be a problem. I still have a bit to do but I am on the right path. Two, I needed to think about if I wanted to write here again... I took the time to go through many of my blog posts, reading and sharing them. What I concluded from all of it was that although I may write about the same topic often, I have grown from it each time.

Nobody masters anything immediately, we learn a little more each time, be it about forgiveness, love, growth, challenges... etc... It is much like how I changed to become healthy by eating better and exercising. I found that with writing, it kept me accountable... these past two weeks I have been doing my own thing and feeling the effects from it. I want to change that, I want to get back on track and I knew with writing I could get there again... I wrote a thought down about a week or so ago and I thought about it a lot each day. 

I heard someone say how music was like breathing to them... I then wrote 'writing is like breathing to me'... I think we each have something that we are passionate about, something we love that makes us come alive... Well, writing is what does it for me. I remember when I was growing up and most of my family were artists and I thought, why didn't I get that awesome talent? I came to understand that this was their passion and mine came through writing my thoughts.

I don't pretend to think I am a great writer by any means but what I do have going for me is that I am open and honest about who I am and how I feel... I have had many people tell me how they appreciate and admire that in me... I never understood that it's not something that is easy to do until recently... each time I write it's like exposing a part of myself ... that isn't simple. 

When I started writing many years ago, something I had wanted to do for a long time, I had no idea that I would have so many people throughout the world that would care about what I was going through or what I have come through in my life. When I decided not to write and to think about if I wanted to continue, I offered for you all to connect with me in other ways and I was extremely touched with how many people reached out to me.

I've heard many people talk about the page views they have per day, the massive amounts of followers they have attained and how successful their blog has become... I realized that even if I don't have all of that I am successful in that I have wonderful people that really care about me throughout the world... besides the truth is that no matter what, I will always write because 'writing is like breathing to me.'

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Rising Above The Pain

I had a dream last week that was unnerving... one because I actually dreamed (I rarely sleep long enough to get to the dream stage), two because I woke up twice and went back to the same dream and third it wasn't a pleasant dream... yet I learned something that really made me think... which then had me considering all the trials and challenges I have had to deal with in my life. I actually felt different about them.

I think many times after getting through a trial where I am finally able to breathe and have gratitude that it is over... I never really looking at what it might have been teaching me, never really seeing the good that may have come from it... just knowing it made me stronger. The dream made me think of the worst possible scenario that could happen in my life, hence why I wasn't thrilled that I kept going back it...

The next day I was watching a program on TV that had two people who had gone through a great loss, much like the one I had dreamed of... the first person could not get passed it, they were angry and said that although they had gone on with their lives, they were sure that it would always leave a dark cloud over them... The second person suffered a huge loss too but they chose to look for the good and became the best person they could, they went on to do wonderful things with their life.

I cannot judge the first person as I am not her and I did not go through what she did but it made me think of the many difficult trials that I have dealt with and what I had learned from each of them... If my life had been different and some of them had not happened, I would not be who I am today... I would not have learned some very important lessons. What I learned from that dream was that no matter what trial or challenge befalls me, I have to get up and never give up. 

Which then made me think of how I lost 'him' out of my life and where I would be if I had not... I began to think how I took the pain I had from losing 'him' and put it into exercising with my whole heart. Every time I would feel any sadness I would go out for a walk ... I became healthier than I have ever been, If I had not lost 'him' the way I did I probably wouldn't have kept up with it when I got close to my goal as I never did before, this time was different ...

I have seen two people go through the same awful trial, one rose above it and found their purpose, the other one lived in their sadness and never grew... Yes we have all had unthinkable challenges that we could continually question 'Why me'? ... No matter what it is, someone else has gone through it and rose above it... Regardless of what the pain is, it is teaching us something we need to learn... I had to decide to learn the lesson so that I can rise above the pain...

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It's Okay To Take A Break

I'm going to be taking a blog and social media break, there are a lot of things going on in my life. I need to figure out how to fit me back into the mix. I have been on the bottom of my list of priorities. As well, I've had a great deal on my mind and instead of dealing with it, I use blogging and social media to escape... but that is not conducive to dealing with any issue. As with everything, balance is the key... I haven't had balance for a very long time.

I know that it's not possible to be balanced all the time ... that is what challenges do, take you off balance to see how you deal with it... I don't always deal with it/them the way I want to.. I don't know how long I'll be gone ... not for good. I need to write, it's like breathing air for me and I love being connected with all of you. Many I'm happy to call friends... many I want to meet..

I will miss catching up with all of you, it's okay to take a break right? I'll be back soon, hopefully with some wonderful new insight. 

(Please feel free to email me if you want to at tweety_pie_36@hotmail.com)

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Life's A Lesson, Live It, Learn It, Love It

I ended up having a pretty good day with Valentina... I had wanted to go to the lake but found out they were closed due to the bacteria count... so, we ended up at an outdoor pool.  If it was up to Valentina, she would have swam all day but two hours was my limit of sitting around doing nothing and I needed to head home.  I'm glad we went downtown for a couple of hours, I even got in a short walk... I'm planning on a longer one tonight.

                                                           

I feel the need to walk, I have SO much going on in my mind and I just need to be able to clear my mind.  I wonder if that is even possible?  However; it does feel great to walk and push myself beyond what I think I am able to handle... plus all this exercise is amazingly good for me... I love how great I feel... One month ago I never would have believed I could walk this much and actually feel good.

I'm feeling a little melancholy... especially after what I wrote to my David last night... the ONLY way that came out through a text was because it was inside me...  He's been busy and we haven't had the time to talk like we normally do, which is hard for me as I save up all that I need to say to him and once we talk it spills out so fast I am hardly breathing.  Then I can sigh and take a deep breath... I need a good chat with my best friend.
                                                                              

Doesn't talking with your best friend help make things better?  Or at least give you a better perspective?  That's what my David does for me... he helps me to see things differently...  he makes me laugh.... although I have laughed lately, I haven't laughed the way I do with him... One of those silly, giggly laughs where I do nothing but smile...

I know this is going to sound silly... I'm looking forward to turning 50, which is in ten days.  My life is pretty good... not perfect but good (perfection does not exist)... I love that I have goals that I'm working towards... I am watching them all come to pass... one after the other.  I just have to continue to believe that everything will work out as it should.

I read this quote/saying on my friend Jaimie's Facebook page and wanted to share it... even if we have heard similar things often it is wonderful to be reminded of them, especially when times are a little rough: 

 Life isn't meant to be easy. It's meant to be lived. Sometimes happy, other times rough. But with every up and down you learn lessons that make you strong.

Life's a lesson. Live it, learn it, love it

Even though life does not go my way as often as I would like it to... I need to be reminded that I am truly blessed... It's okay to be a little sad, a little reflective and a little melancholy at times... just as long as we don't wallow in it all the time...  That last line is very true... Life's a lesson, live it, learn it, love it....

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

My Three Wants

I have been thinking a lot about what I want out of my life, which means what do I want today because no one is offered tomorrow for a certainty.  When I think about what I really want, there are only three things, one I want to see my children with joy in their lives, I see a lot of that in them now, I want to see more.  Two, I want to do something more with my writing, I have some ideas and I am researching them... I will see what comes of it all and third, I want to be able to see my David, I want to have a gigantic bear hug from him with those huge arms of his... I always felt safe in them... that way I could lay my head on his chest and just feel him breathe, than I could breathe that way again before everything changed.

I think it is funny when we sit down and really think about what we want and none of them usually entail material items... not that it's wrong to want things, they are just not what is most important to me.  My wants are the simple things in life, the things that give me happiness and joy... the long term kind.  I don't want instant gratification, that never brought any lasting joy.  It actually has left me feeling emptier than before I started... which than had me looking for bigger things to fill that empty spot. None of which worked, since the empty part of me needed to be filled with love, not things.

Writing helps me to put my thoughts together in cohesive patterns where I work issues out, I feel like if I didn't write... I wouldn't have been able to come as far as I have... I see that I sometimes slide back into old patterns but I find that because I write, I don't stay in them as long, I find the way out of it sooner.  I find for me that writing my emotions down, free me..

The one about my children is what every parent wants in this world... I want my children to have joy... I want them to do better than I did as I did better than my parents.  I am thrilled when they excel at whatever they do, that is what brings me joy... knowing my children have joy in their lives.  I feel blessed to have my children... I am grateful that I was able to be there mommy or mama.

The one about David is simple, he gives the best hugs I have ever had... they are the kind that you are totally wrapped up by the other person, where time seems to stand still and all you can hear is the thumping of the other persons heart... and it's enough, just being able to breathe without so much tension.  When I thought about what I wanted, I just want to breathe without the tension that is there now... I want to feel that relaxed again one day.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥