Comebacks Are Stonger Than Setbacks

Time has been flying by so quick lately, I have been busy at work, doing overtime, staying late to get work done and starting early. By the time I'd get off, it was all I could do to just make a meal and keep up with the housework. There are less than two weeks left for the busiest time of year at work, I am looking forward to having time for myself again. This weekend is a long one for us in Nova Scotia today, it is Family Day... I made sure I had all the housework and grocery shopping done so that today would just be for me to write... oh and get caught up on my blogs... I am way behind and I have truly missed you all. 

I think I need to consider giving television up again, I did it for 5 months before and I didn't miss it... it is such a time waster for me. I haven't been able to give it up totally, so I have been contemplating having one day a week where I can watch a couple of my favorite shows and turn it off for the rest of the time. Then I could actually use my time for other activities such as cooking, reading, exercising and keeping in contact with people I love. I have been questioning what I really want as I find that I am doing the opposite of what I say I want... I do wish it was easier to commit to doing what I say... 

I remember being so committed, I had a goal and I was driven... it's like I let the challenges break me. I am being honest here, I let those challenges break me, it's like I am terrified of committing to anything... I have failed so many times in the last year to year and a half. Part of me thinks if I don't commit I won't fail again... When I know that if I don't commit I will fall backwards... because the truth is if we are not moving forward, we are going backwards. I want to change that feeling, I want to face the fear and move through it... 

I have been acting like I am weak and unable to fix the broken parts of me... somehow it seemed easier than facing the truth and making the changes. I have grown through many challenges that I often believed were impossible for me to see through to the other side... Each time the trial seemed insurmountable and yet I made it over each mountain over and over... becoming stronger. Every one of us has numerous tests we are given, we all have to decide for ourselves if we are going to fight to get through or let them bury us. 

I have been allowing it to bury me and frankly, it hasn't felt good... I have talked the good talk for months but they have been empty words, admitting that I have been going backwards is the first step in moving forward. I know I cannot make all the changes I want all at once, I have to start prioritizing what is important and then build on it each day. No one climbed a mountain in one day, it took climbing hills and gaining strength and knowledge to get to the top of the mountain. I know I have to commit all the way but... I don't have to commit to everything all at once, that will just continue to make me feel like a failure and I won't ever succeed at anything. 

The good thing for me is that spring is on its way here, still a month or so away but I am seeing the light... and Valentina has her orthodontist appointment in less than two weeks, so I will finally have a price to fix her teeth. Half the issue is not knowing, I can't commit any other money anywhere until I know what I will be needing on a monthly basis. Also, I will then be able to get around easier when the snow is gone and the daylight will last later in the day... I have hibernated with winter, more so than usual but it's time for me to take the first step of ascending that mountain I want to climb to the top of... Although there will be setbacks, the comeback is always stronger...

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There Is No Perfect Time, The Time Is Now

I had a very productive week, I took time off from blogging and from TV while Valentina went to camp and I had a woman I know come to my home and we cleaned my entire home... when Valya goes to another camp the end of this month, the woman I know is going to come over so that we can finish off by organizing and purging the closets. I have been loving how clean it is, it's so much easier when you know where items are... the main idea I have to teach Valentina is that she needs to pick up after herself... I cannot do it all alone. 

I want to be completely ready when the time comes for me to work from home, which should be very soon... I feel like if I can be organized that I will have more time to do the things I want to do, such as get back to walking regularly... I am even contemplating purchasing a bike to drive on the trails... I think it would be good exercise for taking pressure off my knees. The trail is fairly flat and very scenic... I think it would be awesome to bike it daily, it goes out for quite a distance too..

I have been feeling an urgent need to start taking better care of my health, I have been conscious of how uncomfortable I am with the weight I have gained back... I know how good it feels when I am paying attention to my health. I also am well aware that when I make a commitment as I have done in the past, it doesn't take long to get into the swing of it... success is most certainly possible... What has always been the difficult part of losing weight and becoming healthy is maintaining, there are so many challenges that can get in your way, weather, depression and injury... None of these should stop me...

When I was at my most successful in the past, I didn't let anything get in the way of my goal... not even my 50th birthday when I made a watermelon birthday cake, instead of a high calorie cake. I didn't feel like I was missing out, I felt incredibly good and on top of my health. The more I exercised, the better and stronger I felt... It was an incredible feeling... at first I started because of the contest but ultimately I kept doing it for me and I then competed with me. 

I think we all need to find what brings our passions out with exercise, mine was walking... I know I will enjoy biking as I biked about 15 years ago and I loved it. For the past couple of months I have been waiting to feel motivated but waiting won't give me the desire, just doing is the only way. My birthday is in less then two weeks, I also will have enough money to purchase a really good pair of sneakers so that I can be successful.

I will be back to tracking my walking on Map My Walk, I would love to surpass the 600 miles I walked in three months last year. I also know it will be slow going in the beginning, it's very easy to get out of shape but I also know it doesn't take long to get back into the swing of it... I don't plan to push myself too hard in the beginning, the last thing I want to do is re injure myself. This time I plan to listen to my body and take a day off here and there to relax my body. What I understand the most is the perfect time does not exist, the time is now...

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Putting In The Hard Work Brings Success

I had started a post on my phone a couple of days ago, I ended up scrapping most of it after dealing with some life altering changes today. Here's what I learned from them... one, I have to stand my ground and live my life the way I want to live it, I am not going to be pushed/pulled into something because of someone else, no one controls me but me. Two, I am more than capable of making changes when I put my mind to it... Whenever I think I can't do something, I just have to read past posts, which reminds me that if I can lose 75+ pounds in under a year and survive losing 'him' at the same time... I am more than capable of dealing with some small life altering changes.

I had lost my motivation for losing weight, or so I thought. I kept thinking I needed to be in more control and be more present in the present... Although I did not go overboard and eat the way that I used to over a year ago, I was definitely not as careful. I knew that I had gained some weight back as my clothes were fitting to a tee... where they had been loose. I reverted back to my old ways in that I didn't want to step on the scales. Tonight I finally hopped on and I found out that I had only gained a little less then 8 pounds over the past almost four months. I was so happy, so relieved and it motivated me.

I am back mapping my walks whenever possible and putting my food in to My Fitness Pal.  That last one is absolutely key for me. I am ALWAYS successful when I write down what I eat.  This is what works for me, I need to be accountable to myself... that is why Weight Watchers worked for me when I attended years ago. I was reading one of the blogs I follow awhile back (Grace Notes) and she wrote about a weight loss plan she was using. It was called IF, which stands for Intermittent Fasting. She was having great success with it and finally I Googled it last week and read up on it. I realized that this is what I had used to lose the weight without even realizing it.

When I had the best weight loss success last year, it was because I was eating all my food in an 8 hour window each day (usually between 8am to 4pm)... this works for me. So last week I started it again and I feel amazing... as well I am exercising more. I know that this is not something that works for everyone, just like Paleo works for so many people but this would not work for me as I do not eat that amount of meat and it is difficult for me to digest it.  However; this plan works so well for many people. I honestly think that we all have to figure out our way to get there, we are individuals with different needs.

As for my life altering change, I am directly in the middle of it at the moment and once I have a better idea of where I am going from here, I will be blogging about it. At the moment, there are just way too may variables and honestly I don't want to think about it today.  I am not one to put things aside until later but sometimes it is the best thing I can do.... take some time, figure out my options and than make a choice....

This reminds me that no matter how difficult life gets and how many curve balls are thrown my way, I can still eat healthy and not use that as an excuse to check out and gain all the weight back. I am not in a race to see how fast I can lose the most weight, I am in this for the long term, this is a life style change and I couldn't be more grateful for holding on to that when the past few months were quite chaotic.

Having a chaotic life is not an excuse to just eat what I want, it is about dealing with life head on and continuing to grow. I have caught a glimpse of the path in the last few months, it took making me a priority and looking for ways to get back on track. It is so funny (strange) because I learn these great a ha lessons that I write about and then I think I have it... yet I seem to forget what I have learned. I will have to remind myself daily what got me to where I am today (and that is perfectly fine with me, whatever it takes to stay on track and brings me success).

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Goals Are Promises I Make To Myself

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.  

Well it is supposed to rain for the next few days so I took the opportunity to walk home from church in my new Nike Air sneakers, they felt amazing... I love them.  I had a backpack and my purse so unfortunately I wasn't as quick as I wanted to be but at least I got out walking.  I am going to have to be creative and ready at a moments notice to just go for a walk when the rain is light.  I don't want to stop walking for 3-4 days just because of some rain.  Besides I am not made of sugar, I won't dissolve by going out for a walk in it.  I just don't want to walk in downpours or if it is thunder and lightening.  This is a wake up call for me and makes me realize I have to have some sort of alternative exercise planned, especially with winter on the way. I have really been spoiled with this summer, I have been able to walk almost every single day for the eleven weeks of the contest.

Besides I am thinking if I join the gym like I wanted to do in the past, this will get Valentina motivated to exercise too... She doesn't enjoy walking like I do but maybe she will enjoy going swimming or working out in other ways.  There is so many things she could do out at the Canada Games Center... I will just have to take the plunge and get signed up and start organizing myself to go out there at least 5 nights a week.  It might get her on a better path than she is on now, which lately has been sitting in front of the TV, a time waster in my mind ... especially since I haven't watched it in over 11 weeks, I wonder how I ever had time... different priorities then...

So, my sister has been here and gone, she and I had that bridge walk together and all I can say is wow, I became more motivated that ever to get better and better with my walking.  I realize I need to pull it up a notch and really push myself.  It is easier when you have someone who you can complete against, although I am always completing against myself to better my last time.  It really helps when you have someone there... I am thinking of getting a group together where we can walk together, it would have to be somewhere cheap because walking outside is going to become more and more difficult to do as the weather gets colder. Anyhow, my sister has come up with an idea to complete against each other, we are going to start tomorrow and see who can lose 10% of their body weight first and we both love Victoria Secret bras and the loser will have to buy the winner one... I told her I want a purple one.

I don't think she knows how motivated I am, she does have to lose less but as competitive as she can be, I am more so... I am willing to do whatever I need to become as healthy as possible. She works more than I do, so I have more time to exercise.  Either way, she and I will be winners because we will both lose... we will be taking pictures weekly of being on the scale and following each other on Fitness Pal...  I can hardly wait to pick out my new bra from Victoria Secret... hahaha.  She told me which one she had her eye one, I told her I am sure she will enjoy buying it for herself.

I am off for the next few days so I will be able to write a little more and get my house back in shape after having guests... something had to give this last week, housework and writing both went by the wayside... but that is okay.  I was able to spend some quality time with my sister and I was able to walk a fair amount for the limited time I had.  I am going to get to take Valentina to her first day of grade 5 on Wednesday, she is just about ready.. we just have to pack up her bag.  I see my doctor on Tuesday, I am sure she will be shocked when she sees how much weight I have lost... although 37 pounds is a lot, it is even more with the inches that I lost.  When I started the contest 11 weeks ago, I never measured myself, I was into the 5th week before I started and in the past 6 weeks, I lost 5 inches off my waist, 5 inches off my hips, 4 inches off each thigh and 3 inches under my chest.  I can only imagine how much I actually lost in inches since the beginning.

I don't want to post a picture of myself until I see David as I want to surprise him with the weight loss, he knows I am losing it but knowing it and seeing it are two different things.  However; I am thinking of putting a picture up on Instagram, if you have an account there than you could see it, I just have to find someone to take the picture for me... I wish it was either my son in law Paul or my daughter Andrea... both of which take amazing pictures of me.  Oh well, I have to be content to find someone else to take the picture.  I will post here to let everyone know when I put the picture up.  I will email it to a few of my friends but I don't want to post it on Facebook just yet... besides I plan to lose more weight and become even healthier than I am now.

So, I have two new goals, one to prepare myself for my 5k walk/run on October 6th and to lose 10% more weight before my sister does, both of which I will be doing.  It feels great to be committed and have goals... I also have a long term goal I am working on, once I get closer to it, I will write about it here, it is just in the beginning stages right now.  Goals are promises I make to myself, getting to each goal means I don't break those promises...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥ 

I Am Worth The Effort

 

I wanted to do a quick post on how I am losing the weight and what methods I am using.  Many times over the years I have gone to Weight Watchers and I have been very successful because it was something that has held me accountable... I had to write down all the food I ate and I had to be weighed in once a week.  So, I would be quite dedicated in keeping my food journal... it has changed over the years and it has a point system which is great as many people I know have followed this method and lost a great deal of weight.

For myself these days, Weight Watchers wasn't doable for me; for a number of reasons. One, it is quite expensive and truthfully I do not have that money in my budget... I would prefer to spend the 18-19 dollars per week on fruit or vegetables.  Second, there isn't a place that is close by me to go to a meeting and get weighed in... I would like to do it on an early morning but then I would have to have someone watch Valentina so that I could  attend.  So for these two main reasons it was not a viable option for me.

When I had a prayer that I needed something to get me motivated to finally lose the weight and not just lose the weight but become healthy.  I knew the answer to my prayer came in the form of the contest we had at work... the email came out about two days after I prayed about it... Instantly I knew that this was the catalyst that I needed.  My sister then mentioned to me about the Fitness Pal app I could put on my phone and I excitedly used it, I had a little to learn but now, I do not go a day without filling in all the food I eat and keeping track of my water and my exercise.

This brings me to the other app I just love, that one is Map My Walk... one of the girls mentioned it to me at work, I don't go outside without my phone and if I am going further than the grocery store... I turn it on and really put in the effort to walk.  I love being able to see the routes I took and how fast I took the routes... in just one month I have completely changed my lifestyle with these two fabulous apps on my phone. I want to say one thing, I post all my walks on my Facebook, not to say... look at me, look how far I walked, look how fast I walked... I do it to be accountable to myself.

You cannot trick this app, it works by GPS and I have to be moving... there are days I think I am tired, I don't feel like walking but remind myself how great it will feel to actually complete the walk and every single time I can tell you I am so grateful for each walk I take.  It pushes me to take the next one and the one after that... I try hard not to walk in the middle of the day when the heat is the hottest but there are days that this is the only time for me to get a walk in, so I go for the walk.

I am dedicated to this and not just for the here and now but for the future... I understand and I am good with the fact that I will always have to count calories and I will always have to exercise.  I am not thinking whew... once I get this weight off I am going to splurge or sit around and say, I did it, I lost it... I will still be active, I will still think of the food I am putting into my mouth.  I will have a slice of pizza, a slice of cake, a cookie... I am not going to deprive myself and never let myself have any of these items in the future but for now... I don't feel deprived... my treat is getting on that scale every single Friday and seeing the weight come off... that is what makes me smile.

What works for me does not necessarily mean will work for everyone... I think each of us has to find the plan that works for us individually.  Besides I am in the zone more than I have ever been in my life, I have so much to prove to myself, I can do this, I will do this... I am going to get a handle on my weight... I deserve to take care of myself, I am worth the effort.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

I Am Finding My Way, No More Excuses

Today I started out my walk this morning, rushing out to make sure I had plenty of time to get to the bridge to catch my bus... in doing this, I neglected to even drink any water.  Not too long after I started walking... I started feeling very sluggish, like I was walking through mud...  However; my determination kept me going., 2.5 miles...  I missed the bus by a minute and had to take the later one which didn't really give me the time to walk the last part I usually walk to work.  I could have but then I would not have had no cool off time and frankly I felt like I had hit a wall.  Once I got to work, I ate some food and drank some water and I immediately started feeling better.  So... note to self, do not leave the house without having a small snack and a large drink of water.

On my morning walk I had an average speed of 3.10 miles per hour... I then went out for a walk this evening and it was a totally different story, I ate really well today and I drank a huge glass of water... I was in the zone, I even ran for about 30 seconds (I know... not a lot but it felt good).  I stopped our of fear since I am a big girl, I didn't want to push myself and keel over or hurt myself... my average speed for the early evening walk was 3.54.  That is quite a difference and I could feel it in my whole body.

I want to say something here, I am so excited, determined and in the zone with this getting healthy.  It started with my getting inspired from the Biggest Loser challenge at work (I am ridiculously competitive).  That challenge got me going and started this motivation, I can honestly say I don't care if it is raining or hot... I am going to be walking.  Eventually I will even be running, I loved the feeling of running, I could see how I could become enamored with it.... my body felt strong.

Tomorrow is the big weigh in day, I missed last Friday as I was on vacation... I know it won't be as much as the first week but I can feel it will be a decent amount.  I will post here and let you all know how I am doing with my weight loss but mostly with my getting healthy goals.  I am beyond feeling good, I feel great.... I feel like I am finally on the right path to actually getting healthy.  I know I will have weeks where I may plateau or weeks where I might even gain (not while I am in this competition) but I will take all of this in stride and keep powering forward.

I read a book called Women Food and God by Geneen Roth a couple of years ago and I took to heart what she wrote about but because I neglected to add exercise into the mix, when I had a plateau for about a month, I gave up because I lost my motivation. This time, I will just exercise, exercise, exercise until the plateau is over... if I put enough effort and time in, the weight will have to eventually drop off. 

If I can do this, anyone can do this... it is really all about determination... no one could give it to me, I had to want this for myself.  I want this now for so many reasons, the least of it to become skinny... the main reason to become a healthy and better version of myself.  I have some goals and I will be knocking one goal down after another. I want to thank everyone for encouraging me, it never hurts to give someone encouragement, you just don't know how good it feels.  I LOVE this quote below... it really should become my new mantra...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Motivation From The Inside

When one is inspired, one does not need to be motivated from the outside! ~ Prasann Thakrar

This quote made me think because I know that I sometimes look for things outside myself to motivate me... such as a quote, or a book that makes me think.  Then I thought about it a little bit differently, I may look outside for a little inspiration but I always look inward to bring out what it was that inspired me to begin with.

I agree with the quote that we need to look inward for our motivation, we cannot look to others to get us there, certainly there are times that others will help us out but we always need to be helping others when we are strong.  When we look inward for our motivation, that strengthens us more that we are aware of...  I think my happiest time is when I have helped another person, through whatever means I possibly can and see the gratitude in their eyes, their smile.  Although this is not what I do it for,  I just want to help lift burdens. 

So, tomorrow I am going to write about one of my favorite bloggers and I am going to do this monthly.  I want to write what they inspire me about... what it is that excites me when they have blogged.  Many of the people that I follow, I feel as passionately about them as I do about the first person I am going to write about.  I am hoping you will take a look at the blogs I am going to talk about and that you will see what I see in them.  I think it's a great way to help each other.  I was inspired my another blogger to do this, I will blog about her next month.

Although I will definitely look inward for my motivation, I won't give up looking outward for a little inspiration here and there. 

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥