Being Kind To Myself

I have been thinking a lot about how I have been feeling about myself lately... I know I have been harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else, I think I expect too much of myself and I don't cut myself a break because I sometimes believe I have too many excuses. I haven't wanted to use justification so that I have a reason not to change. However; these past two weeks have shown me that I am not rationalizing anything... I'm honestly in a great deal of pain. Walking more than a few blocks have become intolerable, just standing up is an effort... I have kept thinking this will pass so that I can get back on track.

 

I took an additional two days of vacation off with my weekend, I really needed the time off from work to think and relax  ... While I was off, I tried to do a little shopping and I finally had to admit to myself that this is worse than what I had been admitting to myself, there's something more going on that I need to take the time to find out, it's not normal to have this much pain. When I get back to work tomorrow, I will be looking to take a vacation day next week or the one after where I can make an appointment with my doctor. 

The good thing is my friend and I are planning on joining the Canada Games Center this month, swimming will be about the only thing I can deal with right now as I don't need any added stress on my joints. Once I join, I plan to go there 3-4 times per week, I would love to say more but I don't want to push it... I can always add to it later. Also, my friend loves to swim in the lakes once the water is warm enough, so we definitely plan on doing that often this summer. Until I find out what is going on with me physically I am not going to overdue it with anything. I'll probably have to see a physiotherapist... I am hopeful I can turn this around. 

 

Also, Valentina saw the orthodontist and we have two options, one that we are leaning towards but we are waiting until the dentist receives the file, then we can make an informed decision. The good thing is that either method will fix the issue she is having, which I am grateful for... I know how important it is to have nice and healthy teeth, it makes such a difference with your self-esteem. Since I grew up with less than stellar looking teeth due to the fire I survived, I want different for my children if at all possible. 

I have been reading a great deal blogs over the past two weeks and quite a few of them involved learning to accept and love ourselves for who we are... and not putting ourselves down if we fail from time to time. If we are afraid to fail, we will never succeed. If I slip up it doesn't mean I am weak and unlovable, it means I just need to find a different way to succeed. There will be a way, it will just take time to figure out ... Admitting there is a physical issue is the first thing I need to do so that I can find out what is happening and then I can find what will work for me. 

Spring is just around the corner, we have been pretty lucky with the winter here this year which I have been really grateful for... it has been a blessing that I have not had to go out in it daily... with how I feel I don't know that I could have dealt with the commute much longer. I'm not going to be disappointed with myself, this isn't something I can just talk myself into... it's the same with depression when someone feels like this, they can't just tell themselves to get up and do things... they need to get help. The answer is that I need to be kinder to myself, the way I am with others...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Nothing Is Impossible With Change

I don't think I can explain how good it feels to be organized, since I have made that a priority I have had the time and desire to plan my meals. I know what I have and I know where everything is... every night I come home from work I immediately go to the kitchen, start preparing a meal that I have planned.  I never go to bed without washing dishes, it is so nice to wake up to a clean kitchen. I can feel some opposition from myself at times but I push through and I am happy when I do. I end up enjoying my evenings so much more as I can relax and enjoy whatever I plan on doing. 

Valentina isn't as thrilled with it as I am reminding her often of what she needs to do to help me keep up.  Her room still isn't completely organized but that is on the top of my list on Friday... I have a vacation day and I am going to spend it with the lady who has helped me organize before. I think if Valentina can have a place for everything, she will feel like keeping it that way... I am well aware of how overwhelming it can be when you have an abundance of items and no idea where to put them.

I feel like I am on the path I had strayed from after the new year... the exercise is coming slowly but I am okay with that for now as I want to work up to daily activity so that one it will be a way of life again and two I won't go overboard and injure myself... especially since I have put weight on... The really good thing is that I feel better about my food choices and physically I am feeling better with those decisions. I have made a commitment to myself which I know is the only way to be successful... the truth is no one can do it for me... 

Next Saturday is my birthday and I have some plans for this milestone... none of the ideas I have include cake or treating myself. I think that is great for some people... for me I need to stay focused and honestly I am quite thrilled with the food that I am eating, I am enjoying the flavor that comes from good fruit and vegetables ... I am not feeling the least bit restricted, I am more aware of what I am eating and appreciating it more. 

I won't be using my blog to write about how much weight I lose... I will write about what is working for me and how I am feeling from week to week... Besides how much weight I lose is not as important as how I feel... I believe that making small changes will build on bigger changes which will ultimately help me to be more successful. I have always known that losing weight isn't the most difficult thing, maintaining it is the trial... I have confidence that it is possible if I continue to have a strong desire. 

What I learned from the past 6-7 months of eating as I pleased and not allowing myself to be aware is that whether I like to admit it or not... it was a decision I made. I also know it's important not to blame myself for poor choices, if I change them that is the best way to move on... will I fall again? More than likely but I am more mindful and with the knowledge I have, it means I can't really allow myself to fall too far and say it's impossible to turn the choice around... I know the truth, it is possible...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

There Is No Perfect Time, The Time Is Now

I had a very productive week, I took time off from blogging and from TV while Valentina went to camp and I had a woman I know come to my home and we cleaned my entire home... when Valya goes to another camp the end of this month, the woman I know is going to come over so that we can finish off by organizing and purging the closets. I have been loving how clean it is, it's so much easier when you know where items are... the main idea I have to teach Valentina is that she needs to pick up after herself... I cannot do it all alone. 

I want to be completely ready when the time comes for me to work from home, which should be very soon... I feel like if I can be organized that I will have more time to do the things I want to do, such as get back to walking regularly... I am even contemplating purchasing a bike to drive on the trails... I think it would be good exercise for taking pressure off my knees. The trail is fairly flat and very scenic... I think it would be awesome to bike it daily, it goes out for quite a distance too..

I have been feeling an urgent need to start taking better care of my health, I have been conscious of how uncomfortable I am with the weight I have gained back... I know how good it feels when I am paying attention to my health. I also am well aware that when I make a commitment as I have done in the past, it doesn't take long to get into the swing of it... success is most certainly possible... What has always been the difficult part of losing weight and becoming healthy is maintaining, there are so many challenges that can get in your way, weather, depression and injury... None of these should stop me...

When I was at my most successful in the past, I didn't let anything get in the way of my goal... not even my 50th birthday when I made a watermelon birthday cake, instead of a high calorie cake. I didn't feel like I was missing out, I felt incredibly good and on top of my health. The more I exercised, the better and stronger I felt... It was an incredible feeling... at first I started because of the contest but ultimately I kept doing it for me and I then competed with me. 

I think we all need to find what brings our passions out with exercise, mine was walking... I know I will enjoy biking as I biked about 15 years ago and I loved it. For the past couple of months I have been waiting to feel motivated but waiting won't give me the desire, just doing is the only way. My birthday is in less then two weeks, I also will have enough money to purchase a really good pair of sneakers so that I can be successful.

I will be back to tracking my walking on Map My Walk, I would love to surpass the 600 miles I walked in three months last year. I also know it will be slow going in the beginning, it's very easy to get out of shape but I also know it doesn't take long to get back into the swing of it... I don't plan to push myself too hard in the beginning, the last thing I want to do is re injure myself. This time I plan to listen to my body and take a day off here and there to relax my body. What I understand the most is the perfect time does not exist, the time is now...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Writing For The Love Of It

I had a friend reach out to me last week, telling me they wanted to start a blog and they wanted to know how to make it successful... isn't that what many blog writers would like to know?  For me when I started writing my blog nearly 7 years ago, I never did it to be successful... I did it to give myself a voice and because I have always wanted to write. It gave me a platform to write my feelings, at first very few people read my blog and I rarely read other blogs myself.  

I was quite sporadic when I first started, sometimes I would write once or twice a week and then sometimes not for a month or more. Then when things didn't work out with 'him' and I in early 2012, I started pouring my heart out daily... It was about this time that I started following other bloggers ... I found many and I also found people who were writing only to become successful and make money off their blog. Many of those people no longer write as blogging isn't a simple way to make money by any means. 

So, I told my friend that I think being successful with blogging means writing about what you love and what you know... also it is very important that you support other people. It takes a long time to build up readers, it comes from supporting each other and doing this with genuine comments. Believe me as time has gone on, I started moderating my comments so that I can stop the ones that aren't meaningful and that are only looking for you to visit them. 

I personally don't think this is a way to be successful as I have seen many of those bloggers stop writing... For myself I know I have read a blog where someone poured their hearts out and when I went to respond I was shocked with some of the generic comments that showed they never even bothered to read the content.  My question then is why blog?

So, I told my friend that if they really wanted to write, by all means write... I know it has helped me grow in many ways... I often cringe at some of the early entries I wrote but I don't delete them as it is where I was and I learned each step of the way... I also told them not to expect instant success as it would be a great deal of work and interaction. I feel like I have made friends by really interacting with other writers, often through other social media. I enjoy that aspect of blogging, as I get to know people better. 

 

The main point I tried to get across to my friend was that they should write about what they love... it will resonate with their readers. Otherwise they won't enjoy the process and it will just become a duty and not a love...  I know that one way to be successful is to write a certain amount of times per week, I think it is great when people can be so disciplined... I write when the mood strikes me, it is usually once a week or less.  I don't want to write, just to say that I did... I love writing and I want to keep it that way.

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

If I Just Believe

Changes are in the wings, most of them exciting, some I am sure I will have to adapt to... what is life without changes?... it really is all about learning to grow and become a better version of ourselves from each challenge that comes our way. I don't like wishing my life to move along faster, especially since I am aging but oh how I wish I was working from home now... I feel like my life is on hold and it shouldn't be ... I just somehow feel like I am in limbo, waiting for this big transition that is sure to change my life in many ways. 

 

I have been using the excuse that I will get on track once I am working from home, until this happens I have been letting myself do as I please... yesterday as I was getting ready to go to the grocery store I was reflecting on where I going in my life... I honestly have lost my way when it comes to my health... I have been walking but not the type you can call exercise... I don't track my walking with Map My Walk... I have been logging on to My Fitness Pal but I am not entering my food. I am uncomfortable with where I am health wise... 

I have talked about how I have strayed but to be honest, I have given up, I didn't even want to admit that to myself... if I admit it, I would have to do something about it...  Frankly I kept telling myself when I had more time I would exercise, I would plan my meals better, I would.... on and on... Those are just excuses to continue down a path that is easier but truthfully not one that I am happy with. Part of me is wondering why I won't just do it?... I have done it before and I loved it... 

I'm not afraid of failing, it is a part of life. I'm not afraid of letting myself or anyone down, I have no desire to impress anyone as I am not looking for anyone else to impress me... Addictions are difficult, they can control us in ways we are not pleased with...  food addiction is one of the more challenging ones to deal with... it is like walking a tight rope, you need to eat but you need to learn to do it in a healthy way... not with massive restrictions.

It's at this point that I have come to understand more now than I ever did... I have to find out why I give up on myself because if I don't, I will never succeed...  because yes I need to eat but it shouldn't be so uncontrollable... I also know I can't wait for a day, a good time or an event... I really just have to start and once I do, I know I will wonder what took me so long. 

For me to be successful, one I need to have the to desire change, two I need to set myself up for success by purchasing the proper food and third I have to decide to exercise again and do it... The last time I did this I started with a contest but that is only a way to start... it's not what will help me to be be committed long term. That has to come from within, I have to want to make these changes for me and for no other reason. I have what it takes if I just believe...

  

Follow along!Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Yet I Refuse To Give Up

Well this has been a week of ups and downs, first I wanted to tell you, I am committed on my healthy path. I ate very well and tracked all my food paying attention to eating balanced meals so that I won't feel deprived. Also, I have been exercising, I am walking as often as I can and not using excuses to get out of doing it... I am totally enjoying my walks again. Luckily the weather has been good and I have been able to wear my Nike's also the real Spring is only a short way off...  So the down part, I lost very little weight and I won't lie and say I wasn't disappointed because I was, however; when I thought about it, I realized that even if I don't lose any weight, I am still going to continue on this path. Of course I will lose some eventually but that is not the main reason I am doing this... 

This is a long term way of life, it's not about until.... or when... it is about becoming my healthiest self. I think it is great to have weight loss goals but I have seen people reach their goals only to find out that isn't what fulfills them... Gaining the weight is a symptom of the underlying issues and no amount of weight loss will fix that without doing the work within. As I have written in the past, there are going to be bumps that try to derail me but I don't plan to sit on the sidelines and say oh well... I guess that's it, I failed. 

I haven't failed because I refuse to give up, believe me there have been numerous times in my life that I just wanted to say, that's it... I have had enough and I am pretty sure it will happen again. That is a part of life, I have felt lost and alone for a great deal of my life, I even wonder why I had to take this path, why couldn't I have had the easier path?... however; the truth is, there is NO easy path, I sometimes think there is because some people portray it that way but we all have trials that we have to overcome, many are really good at hiding them. Some of mine seem so much more challenging ...  Yet I refuse to give up...

I have questioned why it seams that way, there are many of my blogging friends that write about their trials and it saddens me that they are dealing with them... It literally breaks my heart and many times I wish I could take on their challenge so that they no longer had to deal with them... I feel that way about my children as I am sure most mothers do but unfortunately we can't do that as there is something that they need to learn... just as there is something I need to learn from mine...

I have been thinking about why it seems that I have to be alone in this life, for me that has been one of my biggest challenges... I don't want to hear it will happen for me, I have come to an acceptance that this is not a part of my future. It's not that I would turn down an opportunity but I honestly am not putting myself out there anymore... I guess my future was meant to be on another road. My sister would say I was giving up but that's not true, I just no longer want to repeat the old patterns from my past.  I do know that I deserve more, I deserve someone who would be kind, dedicated and who would love me as I have been more than willing to offer this to another person...

Frankly, it is their loss... I would be an amazing partner, especially since I have grown and come to a better understanding of what real love is about... it isn't about adoration and being grateful that someone loves me... it is knowing that I deserve to be loved and understanding that both of us would be lucky to find love with each other. Many couples I have met or known... are unaware what real love is... I guess that is what they need to learn... I needed to learn that being alone doesn't make me unlovable...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Choosing The Road Of Success

I have been wanting to write since Saturday but I promised myself I wanted to get caught up with my blogs that I follow first, that took until today... if I take a day off, I get way behind. I honestly love following everyone and commenting because I think that is what the blogging world is about, it is about supporting each other. However; saying this, I do get overwhelmed at times. I do need to cut back a little here and there, I can't comment on every single post as much as I would like to... I am going to get back to allotting myself a set amount of time. 

What I really wanted to write about today is, as you all know I have been struggling with getting back to exercising and eating healthy... I know it is okay to treat myself from time to time but that doesn't mean daily. I hesitate to say these words as I know they will be taken out of context... but I was out of control... I don't think I need to watch every single thing I eat but I NEED to have limits. This is not for everyone but this is what I need, this is how I succeed. 

For the past three months I was upset because I couldn't walk and I sabotaged myself by eating whatever I wanted to... It didn't make me feel better, those things rarely do. I kept thinking in that mentality that I would get it together when I could start walking and exercising again... then I was given the green light and I still continued to eat whatever I wanted... I didn't exercise, I started feeling uncomfortable in my own skin... my clothes were not feeling good on me .... All of this only intensified my emotions more. So, if you remember, I said I was at a crossroads... I chose a path on Friday, I am tracking my food and being accountable for it now. 

Also, today I was waiting for a bus... I looked down the street and realized the sidewalks were pretty clear, I just took off and started walking... it felt great, I pushed myself ... as I walked I wondered why I had allowed excuses to get in the way again?... because it is easier to ignore my feelings and just eat them... that is what the old me did, ignored everything and ate. I didn't like how I was feeling, how I was coming up with one excuse after another. Finally a catalyst happened in my life a couple of days  ago and I couldn't be more grateful that it did... without it I would still be in that rut... 

I feel like I did when I first started my weight loss journey in 2013, which actually turned into my becoming healthy journey... I was so committed, I never let anything get in the way. The weather is not going to always cooperate with me, especially in the next couple of months but that will not be a good enough excuse for me not to be accountable to myself. One day I will write about what finally got me all fired up, for now it's just good enough that I am goal oriented again. 

I realize the most important thing I need to do is prepare my food in advance ... I won't say it is easy as I have never thought it was easy to eat right and exercise daily but I can tell you that I will feel so much better, I remember what it felt like when I did... this is why I never gave up wanting it back... I might have taken the longer road back to where I want to be but the good thing is that I never gave up and I took the right road... the one that will set me up for success. 

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

If Not Now? Then When?

I had a really nice Christmas, Valentina was happy with her gifts. I had a few people over and I enjoyed all the food and company... it was really nice to share it with others... I think that's the best part of the holidays, visiting with each other and spending more time getting to know one another.

Saying all this I have been out of control with food, using any and every excuse from it's Christmas, it's a sad time for memories to I'm injured so why not? (basically feeling sorry for myself)... I kept telling myself I'll get back on track after this or after that. I lost focus and I didn't allow myself to see how far I have fallen. Not until a couple of days ago when I felt so uncomfortable that I could no longer ignore it.

This brings me to this blog post title: If Not Now? Then When? ... so I am not waiting until New Years or another predefined date, I am never successful with a date, I just have to do it and most of all I need to make a commitment to myself. So although I am not able to exercise the way I like to or need to, I am going to be accountable for my food. No matter what I eat, I will be tracking it in My Fitness Pal and I will be publishing it daily there.

I would love it if anyone of you wanted to join up there (my user name there is launnk) and work on your goals, even if you just want to maintain, it's a great way to stay healthy. I am and have always been about getting to and maintaining a healthy weight. It is not, nor will it ever be about losing a lot of weight. 

I'm a curvy girl and I love my curves... I have no plans to ever lose them all. We are all built with different shapes and sizes, I say celebrate it and love ourselves no matter what size or shape we are...however; feeling comfortable and healthy in our skin is important.

I don't want it to be an obsession, nor do I want to be so rigid that I feel like I am denying myself any food groups. This is going to be about portions and feeding my body the healthy food it needs and desires. Ever since I hurt my leg, I used it as an excuse..  then I kept thinking how I needed to get on track. Yesterday I thought, If Not Now? Then When? ... Now is the time.... 

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Excuses Are Just Fears

I walked away from blogging for the past couple of weeks without saying anything, I wasn't sure that I was leaving; each day I was gone I wasn't sure when I was coming back ... I didn't know what to say. I sporadically commented on a few posts here and there but I didn't spend any significant time reading. I didn't know why until yesterday and then I was so busy that I didn't have a moment to write.

You all know that I am on my journey to be healthy, which to me entails more than just eating healthy and exercising but that is what I have been focused on for the past two months. I rarely if ever went over the calorie limit I had allowed for myself and I have been exercising a lot. In the month of July and August I walked over 190 miles each of those months... Already this month I have 30 miles... yet in 9 weeks I have only lost 9 pounds. I know that it is good that I lost and that slow weight loss is better but it is very hard to handle when I know that what I eat and what I exercise should show much better numbers on the scale.

Yes, I do feel a bit better with my clothing, however; inches are not coming off as easily either. . . So, I reached out to two people and they both gave me sound advise in that I have to change how I am exercising... you see I LOVE cardio, I could walk 6-8 miles a day if I had the time but apparently my body has become used to my exercise even though I have increased it greatly... I am going to watch a few videos and have some one on one training with a friend. 

I was disappointed in myself, I retreated inward and started working out even more... which ultimately didn't help, I even gained a half a pound. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but if you knew how many calories I ate and how many I expended, you might understand why I was frustrated. It was only yesterday that I realized going inward and exercising insanely wasn't helping, I needed to ask for help from people that I know are successful. I have talked about strength training for the past few years, putting in a tiny attempt here and there and coming up with excuse after excuse... I want those excuses gone now... I remember when I first started walking, it was NOT easy but I worked at it...

I have to do the same thing with getting stronger physically because as the saying goes, 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results' (Albert Einstein). My body is great at holding on to weight it thinks it needs... I have to retrain my body in other ways. I also need to say something here, I do not have any desire to be really skinny, slender or small... that isn't me, I love my curves, I am very happy with my body shape, I just know for me to be healthier that I should lose some more of the weight.

 Also, like I alluded to earlier, being healthy is not just losing weight and eating healthy... for me it is coming to terms with things in my life that are affecting how I feel. I honestly know what happiness is and how it feels, I have had that in many times in my life... and I was happy even when things were difficult... I know that happiness comes from within... I have not felt that for nearly 2 years, I want to feel happy again... so I am going to make many changes in the next few months, which of course I will talk about as I work on each goal.

Something that I honestly learned over the last few years is that until I am ready to make real changes in my life, I will have excuses for each of them... The real change comes for me when I confront each excuse and realize they were just fears... fears that I might fail... I might fail but I will never quit trying... one day I will succeed... 

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

Learning To Rise Again

I want to thank everyone for their kind comments and messages from last week, I had been feeling very vulnerable and overwhelmed... there are many changes I am dealing with as we all are and I know that none of us have it simple... The point that I wanted to get across last week was that there are times we all feel down and we need to be able to express this, we shouldn't live there as that isn't healthy for us either but I believe we all need to have our feelings validated from time to time. 

Our biggest successes in life come from rising after a fall.. no one likes to fail, it can paralyze us from trying again but if we allow it to stop us we will never grow... It's what I have been going through for the last couple of years. I have been frozen with fear to really give love a chance again and not because love didn't work out for him and me, I knew that for a very long time and had come to terms with it before.

What had me stuck for so long was how we had shared everything, all of our hopes, our dreams and how we were the best of friends. I believed I could count on him when I needed to vent or talk about a trial I was going through... and he could most certainly count on me, even today. When I lost that relationship I lost my ability to trust anyone. I put on the face, said the right things but deep down inside I was lost for a very long time. 

I had fallen further than I had ever fallen in my life... I kept thinking there was no way I could get back to trusting anyone and definitely not like that again... if he and I could share so many things on such a deep and personal level and still have our friendship fall completely apart... how could I honestly learn to trust anyone even a little? It was then that I thought about how trusting was really learning and that although I fell, I needed to continue to rise. 

I guarantee it will be difficult for me to fully trust anyone like I did him... but what I am willing to do today, is start to trust just a little and build from there. Eventually I will trust someone as much or maybe even more than I did him... When I think of other extremely difficult trials I have overcome, none of them were easy but I found a way to rise each time. For I never want to stop learning as that is how I will grow and become stronger.

Maybe that is what he was in my life for, to teach me that even if everything we believe in fails and we fall, it matters that we always rise and learn to try again.

 

 Follow along!

Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

I Made The Choice To Change

This week found me taking some much needed time for myself, I had been letting myself do what I wanted when it came to eating and lack of exercise... I had a 'good' excuse with the weather being so nasty that I had given up on myself in the past six weeks. Finally I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel of this Winter... before I saw it though, I had made a decision to change my mindset. I kept saying there was no where to walk for me but I live close to a grocery store and across the street from a mall that keeps their areas very well cleaned.

Four days ago, I decided that although it was not my optimum walk that I wanted to do, I mapped out a path of a mile in a figure eight around both areas. I cannot begin to tell you how much better I have felt physically and emotionally with the exercising back in my life. I also know there will be days where other weather conditions will take over and attempt to give me excuses not to exercise. For the rain, I have a great pair of rain boots and a raincoat.... so what if I get wet, this is my health and that is important to me to look after myself.

As well, I will have down times from cardio, it's not good to do it every single day, even if I enjoy it... yes, you are reading this correctly, I enjoy cardio. It feels good to push myself beyond what I think I am capable of, I am slowly building up as I am going to be completing a 10K this Fall. The sign up for it is in May, once I pay for it then, I will have no more excuses not to do it... I don't care that it will cost me money to join up, I am worth the money. Although I do plan to run some of this 10K, I will most likely walk/jog most of it and that is okay with me... completing it is my goal.

I will be keeping you up to date with my progress as I go along... I am excited that I have finally decided to get back on track. I had allowed the Winter to get in my way, I know that before the next Winter gets here, I will have to have a plan in place so that I don't let it give me excuses not to succeed... Nobody can make me want this for myself, I am the only one... and although I am highly competitive... I am more so that way with myself. Each time I go out, I try to be better than I was the last time...

I am aware that life will get in the way and that I will not be on all the time, I love to think that I will but that is not realistic... however; I am not giving myself permission to go off the rails for any length of time... I am accountable to myself. Ways that I am going to be accountable is with using My Fitness Pal and tracking my food everyday... using Map My Walk and turning it on whenever I am walking... as well using my Fitbit to keep track of steps.

Today was one of my first tests, when I went to bed last night, I saw on the Weather Network that it was going to snow today (UGH)... I made a decision right away that when I got up, I was going to go for my walk first thing... It was cold as I only had a tee and a hoodie on... but I know myself in that I become extremely hot the further I walk... I sucked it up, did a four mile walk/jog and had a small rest and then went out and did another mile... I just looked outside and it is snowing... exercising is going to be about being prepared and doing the hard work.

I had allowed circumstances and people to get in the way of my desire to be healthy and strong... No one can make me do the hard work that is needed, I had to decide I was important enough, I had to make the choice to change...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

The Answer To My Trials Is 'Try Me'

I was waiting to write a post after my blog makeover was complete, I am just waiting for the new header, I won a make over from Kristina of Kaye Luxe Design by entering a contest through Anett from Bella Pummarola ... to say I was excited to win would not be a good enough word to convey how happy I was about it... I had been thinking how I needed to have an overhaul of my blog, as change can be really good. However; I did not have the money I needed to do this, nor the technical ability... so winning this made me see how blessed I was that the opportunity came about after I had been thinking about how I could make the changes. 

This week was also a difficult one for me, it found me using excuses... so much so that I couldn't even write, each time I sat down to write, I would find something else to do... Writing meant that I would have to admit that I was using excuses and I am not one that likes to admit that I have allowed a trial to win or control me. Some challenges are more difficult to deal with, especially the kind where I can't stand up and defend myself.

I am one of those people who wants to defend myself when I feel attacked, this trial had me frozen though, I kept thinking how unfair it was that I was not able to defend myself but as the week moved on, I knew that no amount of defending myself would change what was said or done to me... Sometimes it is true and that I have to let go, walk away and not look back because defending myself would just be giving it more power. 

Then I remembered the quote above and realized my best answer to this trial was not to say Why me?... it was to say Try me... I am not giving up on myself because of one petty trial or challenge... I am much stronger than that. We are starting another challenge at work to lose weight but really more to get healthy... I am using that to kick start this Spring into the Summer to become the best me. I have my Fit Bit that I am going to be using to keep track of my steps and keep my goals in line. 

Mostly, I am going to find solutions to each excuse that I have used this week and find a good way to deal with the next challenge that will come along... unfortunately that will happen, knowing it and being prepared is half the battle. Pretending it won't come along is burying my head in the sand and setting myself up for failure. I won't be failing, I will be succeeding...

From now on my answer to needing to defend myself against a trial is not going to be Why me?... it is always going to be Try me... 

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest // 

A Dream Without Work Is Just A Dream

I have read often and in many places that it takes 21 days to create good habits or break bad habits. Either way I am into my 18th day still going strong... I have walked for a little over 14 hours and that equates to almost 50 miles. It hasn't been easy and there have been days that I thought it was too slippery, too cold, too hard (just excuses for me). Each time those thoughts came into my head, I asked myself what I wanted more? Did I want more excuses that held me back from change or did I want results that showed true change.

The answer always came back that I wanted results that showed true change, I pushed through day after day of cold, bad weather and aches and pains... my reward was losing 15 pounds ... as well I proved to myself that I am not a quitter, when I make a commitment and hold myself accountable, I succeed. I want to thank each of you who have either inspired me by your hard work and for all the encouragement along the way. Ultimately it comes down to my getting up and showing up but it makes it that much easier when I have people that are encouraging me continually.

It helps me that I have had success in the past but it didn't make it simple to get myself back on the path... life happens and it is so easy to take our eye of the goal with all the trials and challenges that are put in front of us to deal with. I want to be bigger than any trial or challenge and that means I have to be present in each moment. There were days as there will always be days that life becomes incredibly overwhelming but I don't want those days to define my long term commitments to myself.

I also think that for me, getting in shape physically and becoming healthy is only a small part of the changes I need to make. I don't talk about or discuss my faith with many people, not because I am ashamed, as I am not ashamed. I am grateful for my beliefs and knowledge. However; saying that I also think each person has their own personal beliefs and I want to respect that in others as I would want them to respect that in me.

Last week I attended my church service, it had been a long time... the gifted speakers challenged each of us to make a change to get fit physically, emotionally and spiritually. A couple of weeks before I attended church, I had asked myself some hard questions ... was I happy where I was? would I be happy in the future if I kept on the path I was on?... I knew the answer was no and that meant I had to make the necessary changes in myself if I ever hoped to have a different outcome. Then I attended my church service, there were the talks about what I had already made the commitment to a couple of weeks before, which showed me that I was on the right path, it felt good.

Life and challenges are going to get in the way, I am going to have to make the decision each and everyday I wake up to keep the commitment I have made to myself. Of course it will not be easy, of course I will fail from time to time but I am not allowing the minor failures to take away from my successes. I used to sit and dream of the life I wanted, now I get up and work for that dream daily. Dreaming is good but if you don't put the work in, it is just a dream...

Follow along!
Facebook //  Twitter //  Google Plus //  Bloglovin //  Instagram //  Pinterest //