There Is No Perfect Time, The Time Is Now

I had a very productive week, I took time off from blogging and from TV while Valentina went to camp and I had a woman I know come to my home and we cleaned my entire home... when Valya goes to another camp the end of this month, the woman I know is going to come over so that we can finish off by organizing and purging the closets. I have been loving how clean it is, it's so much easier when you know where items are... the main idea I have to teach Valentina is that she needs to pick up after herself... I cannot do it all alone. 

I want to be completely ready when the time comes for me to work from home, which should be very soon... I feel like if I can be organized that I will have more time to do the things I want to do, such as get back to walking regularly... I am even contemplating purchasing a bike to drive on the trails... I think it would be good exercise for taking pressure off my knees. The trail is fairly flat and very scenic... I think it would be awesome to bike it daily, it goes out for quite a distance too..

I have been feeling an urgent need to start taking better care of my health, I have been conscious of how uncomfortable I am with the weight I have gained back... I know how good it feels when I am paying attention to my health. I also am well aware that when I make a commitment as I have done in the past, it doesn't take long to get into the swing of it... success is most certainly possible... What has always been the difficult part of losing weight and becoming healthy is maintaining, there are so many challenges that can get in your way, weather, depression and injury... None of these should stop me...

When I was at my most successful in the past, I didn't let anything get in the way of my goal... not even my 50th birthday when I made a watermelon birthday cake, instead of a high calorie cake. I didn't feel like I was missing out, I felt incredibly good and on top of my health. The more I exercised, the better and stronger I felt... It was an incredible feeling... at first I started because of the contest but ultimately I kept doing it for me and I then competed with me. 

I think we all need to find what brings our passions out with exercise, mine was walking... I know I will enjoy biking as I biked about 15 years ago and I loved it. For the past couple of months I have been waiting to feel motivated but waiting won't give me the desire, just doing is the only way. My birthday is in less then two weeks, I also will have enough money to purchase a really good pair of sneakers so that I can be successful.

I will be back to tracking my walking on Map My Walk, I would love to surpass the 600 miles I walked in three months last year. I also know it will be slow going in the beginning, it's very easy to get out of shape but I also know it doesn't take long to get back into the swing of it... I don't plan to push myself too hard in the beginning, the last thing I want to do is re injure myself. This time I plan to listen to my body and take a day off here and there to relax my body. What I understand the most is the perfect time does not exist, the time is now...

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Self Care Is Self Love

I have been putting off blogging all weekend, not because I didn't want to write but because I was trying to get my words out to say what I wanted to say... I have been overwhelmed with blogging lately and not by writing as I only write once a week at the most, it is all I have time for... but because I feel this need to constantly keep up with everyone else's blog, even at the expense of me writing my own. I even wondered if I should stop writing? Yet, I know that writing is what helps me to figure out issues in my life. While I was thinking about it, I came to admit to myself that I am a people pleaser... 

I thought I was past that, I thought I had grown from that.... However; a few of the comments I receive and I stress a few of them are not genuine, they haven't read my entry, they just write a generic comment so that I will visit their blog and comment back....which I have been doing, now saying all this, I love comments, honest, real and open ones where I get to know the person. I have decided that if someone is not taking a moment to actually read the words I write, I won't be publishing the comments any longer. I honestly don't want to waste my time when I could be reading someones words who appreciate that I actually took the time to write. 

I have decided that I have to give myself a break and I will not be able to comment on every single blog I read, it's not realistic for me anymore as I follow an incredible amount of blogs, even I don't know how many... I read a blog this week that kind of opened my eyes, she was pretty honest about her addictions and it made me think about mine... I am always trying to be the perfect blogger, keeping up with everyone, not wanting to let anyone down... Instead, I am letting myself down, I talk about self care here all the time and basically they have just become words, I haven't been practicing. 

This is no ones fault but mine, I need to set boundaries for myself and know that the people that I follow, the ones who really care about me will be there, frankly those are the only people that matter to me in the blogging world. Of course I want my blog to grow in readership but if I rarely write how will it grow more?  ... I am not giving up reading or commenting but I am going to be taking time for myself to read a book, actually visit a friend without my phone turned on... play some board games with Valentina.. 

I have this bucket list of things I want to do and more often then not I sit in front of a computer or with my phone in my hand. That quote above says it all, we are connected to people all over the world through technology and it is awesome, I love it, at the same time though, I find I am not as connected to the people around me. If that makes any sense? I make time for blogging and I don't make time to do other things that entail my making an effort in my own life. You know what that is, that is ignoring the issues I have and covering it up with blogging because it's easier. 

This weekend showed me that I have let everything around me go... on Saturday I didn't even get dressed until I caught up reading, then it was almost five o'clock before I went to get groceries... I followed that with laundry until midnight... oh and in between I commented and read blogs. That is an addiction I use so that I can let everything else slide in my life. Today, I figured out why... if I don't have time to think, I don't have deal with my feelings... I have to deal with my feelings and I need to let go of trying to be the perfect blogger... that doesn't exist. . . Self care is self love....

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Reflecting How Far I Have Come

I had a bit of a rough week as I would think I was healing and then I would re-injure my leg again, I finally ended up seeking out a physio therapist and decided that no matter how much I want to exercise, I am not going to be able to for a while. I have been given the green light to walk some, just shorter lengths and much slower... this has been pretty difficult for me, however; I think it has given me the time to reflect...

I have a way of using things so that I don't have to think, I am sure we all do it to some degree. We all have our ways of coping when we don't want to deal with what is in front of us. I kept giving myself permission to do whatever I wanted, why not I asked myself? Besides, it's Christmas, a very hard time of the year for me and I know for many others as well... I thought why not just let everything slide for the rest of month and then get back on track? 

I have to say I am good at telling myself I have the right to do what I want, haven't I been diligent and put in so much effort to follow my dreams? What was wrong with cutting myself some slack? I realized that I was hurting myself by not holding myself accountable and I began to question why? I wondered why I was going to let Christmas do me in and take control of me? ... I am worth more than giving in... 

I started getting real with myself, something I haven't done for awhile... it's not easy, it is much simpler to just allow myself to wallow and say why not? I deserve to feel this way, I have had numerous let downs and challenges... didn't I deserve for something to finally go right for me? I allowed that mentality to rule my decisions... I frankly thought why bother following my dreams? They never seem to work out, right? 

I had an incident happen late last night that opened my eyes and made me really reflect, a person that is always trying to make everything look perfect showed their true colors last night... they showed they are insecure, unhappy and not at peace and yet profess to have what they want... at least they think they do... Believe me when I say, I am well aware that no one has a perfect life, I just wonder why some people try to make it look that way? ... I am past that phase of wanting everyone to think I have it all together...

The mind is funny thing, at least mine is... I honestly don't believe in living in the past, it can't take me into the future, it will only bring more sadness, trying to figure out why some things didn't work out as I had hoped for and planned. Am I still sad about the disappoints and losses, I won't lie, I am... but allowing myself to crumble because of a person, an incident, a failed dream or a challenge will never bring me joy either.  Reflections can be a good thing from time to time... they can be reminders of how far I have come...
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Beautiful Things Come From Changes And Mistakes

Attitude is your best weapon against life's most difficult challenges. ~ Dave Bexfield

I've been thinking how I need to simplify even more than I have.  I have held onto some items that I haven't even looked at in 10 years or more. It's time for me to rid myself of these items, the rule I need and want to live by now is if I haven't used it in more than a year, I need to dispose of the items or donate them.

I used to be a collector of things, like movies,books... etc.  I think I did this because I felt comfort in holding onto them. Today I feel like they own me, that's not a good feeling.  What is the use in having items you never use, they only clutter your home and your brain.

I want to be clear of these items so that I can be open to new possibilities available to me.  Also, I want to teach my youngest daughter that items are unimportant; people, relationships and love are important. I want her to feel loved so that she doesn't feel the need to look outward for acceptance. 

I have looked outward for far too long when I should have fed my inner self with love instead of trying to use items to make myself feel better.  It's sad what we do to ourselves in the name of trying to comfort ourselves.  Whether it is eating, buying things we don't need, drinking, drugs.... etc.

What am I afraid of?  Why do I feel that I'm not enough?  Why do I feel anything could fill the void if I don't love myself. I've slowly been changing my mentality around, I have been working on changing this trait; I want it to be second nature that I feel worthy.

We are all worthy, deserving of love, no matter our beginning in life. I am NOT my past and neither are you; each day we have the choice to do better.  No one can decide this for us but us, it is a conscious decision we need to make.  I won't say it is easy because that would be a lie; since I know it's not easy, I'm giving myself a break.  I am human after all and so are you.

We may have been born perfect but we are imperfect, not damaged, just imperfect.  I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for perfection in our life, I'm just saying it's not easy and we need to cut ourselves a break.

Basically we need to love ourselves the way we are right now, otherwise we will never move from this point in our life!

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

We Were Born Perfect

We were born perfect, if only for the simple fact that we can change ourselves within the blink of an eye - simply by altering our thoughts and our energy. You can't get more perfect than that. ~ Jeffrey Marks

I opened my email today and immediately I was so moved by the words above that I instantly wanted to write a post about it and share it with everyone.  We were born perfect as we CAN change our thoughts in the blink of an eye which can change our circumstances just like that.  That doesn't mean we are perfect, it means we have a way of perfecting ourselves.

Most of us are unaware that it is possible to change your here and now by just changing the way we think... I have seen this work in my life over and over.  The first time was when I was 15 years old and I had decided that I wanted to not have to live with my step mother Ruth any longer.  I wished her no harm, I prayed daily for six months to be free of her and finally I was free.  Also on a smaller scale, I was broken hearted over my David and feeling as if I would never be able to pull myself together when it didn't work out as it should have.  A few weeks ago, I consciously made the decision that I would put that sad side of myself away and that I would remember all the wonderful blessings in my life.

Neither one of these were easy, neither of them just solved all my issues but both of these decisions I made helped me to see that I am in control of my emotions.  I am not in control of what happens to me but how I handle what is given to me.  I think I must be slow to learning these lessons though as I fall back into the 'poor me' pattern when life does not go the way I planned, instead of saying, 'what can I learn from this, how can I grow to be a better, more loving person?'  These are the questions I am going to ask myself each time something turns my world upside down.

I read a really amazing blog by Carly Ester, she is moving to Ecuador in a few days. She is so spiritual and so giving.  What she writes about puts my little set of problems into perspective. Not that we don't have the right to be sad, it's life, without sadness we wouldn't know joy, I've known incredible sadness but I've also tasted sheer joy.  What I love about Carly is that she is trying with all her heart to do what she was meant to do in this life, she is going to Ecuador to help the children and women there, giving them hope.  She is just so inspiring!!

When I begin to think that life is too hard, not worth putting the effort in and feeling as if my world is so turned upside down, I am going to think of Carly and how she is giving up all of her comforts in her life, to go and help as many people that she can who have little hope in their lives.  She is giving back and giving service. 

What I learned from this quote by Jeffrey Marks is that although we feel inadequate in this world, we are not broken.  We were born perfect and we have the ability to change how we handle the difficult situations that life throws at us.  One of the most interesting things is that what I find the most difficult to deal with, I usually find out that it was a good thing in the end.  Another thing that I learned is that I really need to listen with my heart and than follow.... who knew it could be that easy?  I didn't.

Have you ever thought that
if one thing hadn't happened,
a whole set of things
never would've either?
Like dominoes,
a single event kicked off
an unstoppable series
of changes that gained
momentum and spun out of control,
and nothing was ever
the same again.
Don't ever doubt that
a mere second can change
your life forever.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield