I have been thinking about what I always wanted when I was younger, I wanted a long term relationship at all costs but as I get older, I realize I want real love and passion even if it doesn't last a life time. What is the use of having a long term relationship if there isn't lasting love or passion? I have felt more joy and happiness in the past year than I have ever thought possible.
Sure life has not been perfect but when it is ever perfect? This past year, I have been so completely happy and full filled, so much so that my cheeks hurt from smiling. I am not saying that I don't want a long term relationship if it held passion and love but I am not holding out hope for it. I don't want to live that way anymore, I want to enjoy each moment instead of living in the future.
It took me so many years to get to this point, just being happy where I am. My niece wrote in her update tonight that she wishes she was young again... she is 29. I commented and said I wouldn't want to be young again unless I knew what I know now. I have no desire to go back and have to re learn everything, I remember how difficult it was and how I felt so hopeless all the time.
Yes, I feel hopeless sometimes but not the way I did when I was in my twenties. I have moments that come and go and I remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel because I have come through so many tunnels when I didn't think I would make it. I learned I was stronger than I thought I was and I am grateful for that.
I wish all people could learn that lesson earlier than I did in life, learn that there is a light and things always get better. I also know that no matter how much I want to make things better for other people, I can't solve all their issues. What I can do is let them know that I will be there whenever they need me, no matter what.
You know what I want more than anything, I want the people in my life to know how incredibly special they are and how grateful I am to know them. I feel blessed because of the people I have met and known.