My heart is opened and even though it is scary at times, I cannot be any other way. I don't know how to not to feel, I've tried not to for so long and I always end up back at the beginning of knowing there was something that touched me and even though I tried so hard to cover and walk away... I kept coming back to what I know is real.
Someone asked me today if when I met Andrey if I had a feeling there was something not quite right and there were so many red flags that I denied and brushed away. Then they asked me if I had that feeling today about someone else and the answer was no... even if this feeling doesn't last forever, it was never wrong. I saw something in their eyes that needed to be loved and cared for but I was coming from a very dark place at the time and I couldn't believe that I could care for someone ever again.
Now I care, almost more than I thought possible... and as scary as it is, I cannot walk away and deny how I feel any longer. I knew how much I cared especially when I realized that I was willing to do anything I could to be there for someone that needed another person to care, really care about them... when I know they felt no one did. I truly hope that they know that they are extremely special, cared about and thought of often.
Regardless of how this all plays out, I will be grateful that they were able to help me to open my heart to allow myself to care again. For what is life without love? It is not a life worth living, that is only existing. I don't just want to just exist anymore, I want to become even more than I can dream for myself, what's more, I want that for you too.