Be About Actions, Not Distractions

It's funny how time gets away from me, before I know it a week has passed by, I have been overwhelmed with things going on. I feel like I have been doing catch up for quite some time. You all know I love working from home and how grateful I am to have that blessing, I thought I would have all this extra time to do those things I never seemed to have time to do... but I think until I actually make a plan or a commitment to myself, nothing will change. No amount of extra time will inspire me to follow a plan because the truth is that the lack of time wasn't stopping me from working on myself. Although I said that and felt that, I believe it was an excuse. 

I know from past experience that I will never be successful with anything until I am all in, not just dipping my toe into the water. The excuses I have had for myself for well over a year are just that excuses... the question is what do I really want? If I don't commit fully, do I want to change? I am beginning to think what I am saying has been lip service, even to myself. It's funny how we think by declaring something that we will follow through. Thinking doesn't change anything, actions do... talk will never help me to attain any of the goals I say I want, actions are the only thing that will do that. 

I talked to my friend last night about joining up with the Canada Games Centre, we both want to work on ourselves and I feel that if we do it together it will help immensely... I know that it won't keep me on track as I am the only one who can do that for me... however; I think the buddy system helps to start me on the right path, what I do there when I get there is up to me... I have tried a little and I do mean a little yoga but I feel so uncoordinated with no balance. I didn't commit to it, yet I am fully aware that whenever you start anything it takes time to get to where you desire. 

 

Then I read a blog this morning My New Happy which reminded me that I can't do everything all at once, I can't be my best the first time I try something and I can't give up because of it... the first day I decided walking was what I would do to get healthy and exercise, I walked one mile, it took me close to 23 minutes to walk it... it was tough, I had to stop and rest twice, I was red, out of breath. I wondered how anyone could walk a mile in under 15 minutes. The next day I walked another mile, I built on it slowly, before I knew it I was walking 3 miles a day. It took me nearly 6 months but I got my mile under 15 minutes.  

I didn't give up because it was hard, I committed to putting the time in because I made it important to me. So, as difficult as yoga seems to be, I am going to commit to 10 minutes starting tomorrow. Before I know it I will be able to hold a pose or balance for 10 to 30 seconds... along with this my sister has advised me of two very simple exercises where I can strengthen my back muscles, just because I am 53 I don't want to give up on myself and think this is it... plenty of older people live healthy lives with very little pain. 

 

I'm sure the excuses will come, they came with walking and I didn't give up because it was important to me... I want this to become essential to me too. I have given up on myself many times, I keep fighting back and I became stronger each time.... It's about time for me to commit to myself again and not give up so easily. I have set the alarm clock to get up 20 minutes earlier, eventually, I want to make it an hour... I loved my mornings in the past, it was me time where I could relax and get things done... it's quiet in the mornings, fewer distractions. I need to be about actions, not distractions!

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My Amazing Bumpy Journey

This week has been both busy and inspirational... I felt lost and focused at the same time... one of those oxymoron's in life. While I was working on my exercise, I had let other things slide. Part of me kept thinking I should and could keep up with everything I need to do... don't other people do this? I must be prioritizing wrong, maybe if I just sat down and made a plan? Each time I would try to do this, something else would pop up. What I ended up figuring out... which I have always known, was that I have no need to keep up with others, just because I think I should.

When I try to keep up, being the best housekeeper, being the best blogger, doing the most exercise... on and on... I end up not being good at anything. I end up zoning out and throwing the towel in and figuring I will do it all tomorrow. I am not everyone else, I am not here to show that everything is perfect, nothing is perfect... everything is work which is fine. I am not trying to show anyone that you can have it all, I think we all have to make choices, ones that are good for us.

For me at the moment, exercising, getting healthy and becoming strong are at the top of my list... I don't want to look back in a year and say, darn, I wish I had started then... do you see that I didn't write about how I wanted to lose weight? I have weight I want to lose but that is not top priority, I believe if I get healthy, become strong and exercise, the weight will work itself out.

Another thing that is important to me of course is being a good mother, I haven't always been one, due to depression in my life... I can tell you that when depression happens to you, you can never understand how difficult it is to function, let alone be a good mother. I have been at the point that I have done the bare necessities... luckily for me I have had very good people in my life that have stepped up and helped me, instead of judging me. I think we all need to remember this as many of us are dealing with much more than any of us are aware of.

The third most important thing to me is getting myself right spiritually... this is not for everyone but it is for me, it helps me to balance my life out... when I am not working on my spiritual side, I am floundering constantly... I am doing things that ultimately make me unhappy which then lead me into a more difficult cycle... it is like I have no purpose. It isn't that life becomes simple as that would be a joke because when I decided to work on that part of my life, everything and I mean everything came crashing in around me... but I knew that was a part of my journey.

I wrote a blog a few weeks ago and I had written how I may not find the love of my life and get married and how it was all that I had ever really wanted. Someone questioned me and made me think about that... why was that all I had ever wanted? Many people have questioned me over the years about that and I never had a good answer, other than I wanted it... I still don't have the answer... but for once in my life I am starting to question it...

I think each of us has to decide what is important to them and not worry about what is important to others... our journey is going to be different than other people and there is nothing wrong with that. What is important is our journey and what we learn along the way... Mine is and has been bumpy and I may not have always enjoyed every second of it but I can say I am happy to be on that journey. All the twists and turns I have made, have brought me to where I am today and made me a kinder and more compassionate person.

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Love Is Written In The Heart

“Love is not written on paper, for paper can be erased. Nor is it etched on stone, for stone can be broken. But it is inscribed on a heart and there it shall remain forever.”

Have you ever known someone with you heart?  You know where you can say anything to them and you feel safe that they will take it as it's intended.  I've only known one person like that, my David.  I can joke around and tease him, when he puts up an embarrassed face, I can call him out and say haha, you do not embarrass easily, remember I know you? lol.

When I do that he's like, yes you do know me, haha.  People that don't know each other are never sure that what they say may be taken out of context.  It's awesome to feel safe with someone where you know you can say anything and everything.  I know there are people that have this, I was not lucky enough to have this all my life.

I always wanted it, that emotional connection where you just know and feel the other person.  No words are necessary, although the words are abundant.  The conversation is never boring (I'm too interesting to be boring, lol). Having someone who cheers on all your accomplishments, someone who truly loves you for you. 

I realized something last night that makes me smile now.  I started panicking, getting out of control; I finally gave myself a 'mindful smack' (as Mastin would say).  I figured out that the closer that I get to my goals the more opposition I receive.  It just shows me that I'm on the right path, otherwise I'd have no opposition.

Opposition brings rewards, the more opposition, the more rewards ;).

Inspired Plan From Prayer

"The secret is not to give up hope. It's very hard not to because if you're really doing something worthwhile I think you will be pushed to the brink of hopelessness before   you come through the other side."- George Lucas






I have been inspired to do a few things this week and I know that they have been inspired because when I tell people what I'm doing, they are like WHOA, fabulous idea.  I tell them the truth, it's not my idea, it came to me after a prayer.  My youngest and I have prayer in the morning and night, she is diligent in thinking of other people and in saying our prayers daily.

We have been praying for certain things, one was for her teacher that went off work sick a while back, she told me this morning that her teacher was coming back next week (when she went off, they weren't sure she would even be able to come back next year) so Valentina told me we didn't have to pray for her now;).  I also explained that we had to concentrate on one of our prayers, I explained the necessity of it, she agreed.  She reminds me of the importance of prayer daily. She has a child's belief that all she has to do is pray for something good and it will happen, she proves all we have to do is believe.

I think sometimes we don't want to be selfish and pray for ourselves but it's not selfish, the happier we are the more positive and uplifting we will be to the people in our lives;).  I'm excited about my prayers and plan; I haven't been this happy for a long time.  I forgot to simplify it, I was complicating it... What I want and desire in my life is good, not only good for me but good for others.  Ever since I centered myself I can't stop smiling.   

It's like when I knew I was supposed to help a friend of mine, it took me a couple of years to convince him to let me help him but it worked out just the way I knew it should.  I was blessed to be able to be there for him.  What I want now is awesome and unbelievably good, something I didn't believe was possible for me, ALL things are possible.  I can see the bigger picture here, I can see the forever in it, not just here and now.

The more I pray for this and other things the closer I get to Heavenly Father.  He wants us to be happy, He wants us to know that we are amazing and that we deserve to be happy.  I know prayer and religion is not for everyone and I respect everybody's beliefs but I can't pretend it's not for me.  I have grown in leaps and bounds since I realized I needed the truth of what I believed in my life. 

I'm saying a special thank you to my cutie David, he made me see that although I had lived my life inappropriately for over 10 years that I was still worthy to go back to church.  If David could believe in and love me, then certainly Heavenly Father could love me as He is the epitome of love.

When I have doubts now, I just brush them aside and I give them no validity.

Everything Is Possible!

When people say you can’t do it~that it’s impossible~never lose hope. Just because they couldn’t doesn’t mean you can’t.~DAVID COPPERFIELD

I don't know why I ever let myself have a defeated attitude... nothing and I mean nothing is impossible.  I just have to look at things from a different angle.  I have been looking at my issue one way, like there was no way around it.  There is a way, there is always a way.  I just need to stop being negative, stop thinking that I don't deserve exactly what I deserve.  I am changing my attitude today, this instant.

I am not giving up, I am going to just handle it differently than I have been handling it.  I have been sad, depressed, defeated... hmmm.... you get exactly what you put out there.  I put this quote on my Facebook the other day and neglected to believe it:  "Everything you want also wants you." ~ Jack Canfield<3

So, I am going to be myself, positive, happy, uplifting... also, I am going back to the cleanse for the food part.  I was supposed to start on Monday and I let it slip my mind.  I am starting it tomorrow.  I felt great when I was on it, getting rid of refined sugar and wheat.  I'm pretty sure I will keep dairy as I don't have an issue with that.  I LOVED eating so much salad, fruit and vegetables.

I have been inspired today and started on my plan, one small step at a time and then I will be exactly where I want to be, exactly where I should be.  I believe that what I want is always a possibility unless I take it off the table.  I am not taking this off the table, this is way too important...  There is the tenacity that I have blogged about... the part of me that won't give up until I get exactly what I want.

My Dreams Are Real, My Doubts Are Not

 My dreams are real, my doubts are not.

I've been contemplating the above affirmation. This takes being real with yourself to really believe it, I want to be the girl who totally believes in all her dreams and shows all her doubts where they truly belong. The doubts aren't real, they are only the stories people have told me and at one time I believed them.

Those stories are not the truth, they were only what I held on to so that I wouldn't try and then fail. I no longer fear failure, that does not mean that I can't win because I plan never to give up no matter how many times I fail. I will succeed, I am strong, I am tenacious, I am a winner, I will reach my goals and desires.

My first goal is my weight, I want to lose 75 pounds in one year, I made this goal 2 weeks ago. I am down 5 pounds. So 70 pounds left to go in 50 weeks. Second goal is to incorporate exercise into my life, I'm going to start this morning with 15 minutes a day and within a month I want to be exercising 45 minutes or more per day. These two are totally attainable.

The third thing, I want blog daily. I have felt so inspired since mid February. I haven't missed very many days. I don't want to miss any more in the future. The fourth one is that I want to get my PCP completed in one year. I've started one of the courses, two more after this, all of this is very attainable.

I want to be loving and inspiring to all the people in my life, I want them to really know how special and wonderful they really are.

I started toward my second goal this morning, I walked to the mall this morning; it took 14 minutes, I only had to wait 4 minutes for my bus. I feel great even if I'm red faced and a bit sweaty, it'll get easier with time. This is going to help me attain my first goal, I'll post my weekly weight loss in my blog. I'm truly excited.

My third goal of posting daily is working out so far for the past 5 days. Now I want to have a certain time to post, I think it'll be at night after I settle Valentina in bed as I usually get my inspiration early in the morning on the way to work. Unfortunately I can't post from my blackberry or from my computer at work.

I want to thank everyone for the encouraging words, I truly appreciate them. They make me smile;). I hope everyone had an amazing day, I planned to and I did;).