The only thing that matters now is my mission. Nothing will stand in the way anymore.
I spent two hours typing in the other blog yesterday and the day before, it is amazing what comes out of you when you just say what you feel no matter what, the only person that can judge you is yourself and I have come too far to judge myself that harshly. I have made many mistakes over the years, some of them had bigger consequences depending on the incident. What I came away with after I had written as much as I could write, was that although I have made mistakes, I have grown... lately I have grown in leaps and bounds.
No matter how difficult things are going in my life and currently they are not great... I see that I have a determination and commitment that I have never really had before. I love that I am still so focused... I have a goal to get to for my weight and a goal to become the best me... Frankly the old me would have thrown the towel in and just gone to town with the food, not caring, just numbing myself. I don't want to do that anymore, I always want to be cognizant of what I am eating...
When I say things are not great lately, I mean they are just so up in the air... I feel like I am just tying to get my feet under me but another thing comes along to add to the pile. I have some great things happening, I am still losing weight and this week I didn't even put the effort in other than the food part which I followed. I still managed to lose 1.6 pounds with minimal exercise... I can just imagine what I would have lost if I had put in the effort... Next week I am going exercise since I miss it so much, it is such a great way to get rid of tension... it is a good place to work things out.
I think writing the last few nights have helped me to see a couple of my issues in another light, frankly I have been overwhelmed by a few things which affects other areas of my life. After writing last night I knew that when I exercised even when I felt this way, I would always feel better for putting forth the effort. This last week I have had one thing come up after another so I wasn't able to make it out to the gym, those were only excuses though. I didn't put the effort in, I should have bypassed some of those and just did it... I have that fire back inside. I am looking forward into getting in some form of exercise tomorrow.
I was thinking, I need a friendly little contest or competition, since I am highly competitive it would get me out exercising again. I will have to come up with some idea in the next day or so, it would be fun to complete again. I could be at my goal weight for January, the latest February... I am getting excited, I can hardly wait to see how I look when I get there and see how I feel. Already I feel amazing losing 61 and half pounds and all in five months... I can just imagine how much better I will be feeling once the other 20-25 pounds is gone.
Time for me to exhale again... I have been holding my breath waiting for the next awful thing to happen... tonight I am going to look for the next good thing and I am going to make good things happen. I am not going to be defined by my past, I have moved away from that, I have made changes and I have learned a lot of hard lessons. I have lost a great deal, more than I thought I could handle... I am still here though, still wanting to be better than the day before, isn't that all we can do...