The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.I logically know that I cannot control anything, yet I am continually trying to control something in my life. Today I was at work and waiting in between calls, just thinking how far I have come since June 15, 2013, when I started my journey to get healthy and lose weight. I got on the scale at work this morning and was pleasantly surprised that I was down 65 pounds since then, I have less than 25 pounds left that I want to lose. This goal is so within my reach, I have taken to walking a little in the morning and at lunch. I have been working late most of this week so I haven't been able to walk in the evening and Valentina has been sick for about 10 days so we have not been out to the Canada Games Center.
I am giving her the weekend to feel better, she is starting to but I don't want her over doing it and becoming sick again. So, I won't be back to the gym until Monday... until then I am going to find times to walk, even if they're only for 15 or 20 minute intervals. It is better that I exercise a little than none at all. I like that I don't dread going out and having to walk now, I usually get out, start walking fast, do a few sprints and then walk fast again... I always feel rejuvenated once I have been out and really pushed myself.
Everyone is saying it's great that I have lost the weight, some people think a little too fast, I don't think so, I really have put a lot of effort into this, besides I have found that it is the one thing I can control right now, eating healthy and exercising as much as I can. Everything else in my life is up in the air, I personally need to have that one place that I don't feel like I am spinning out of control... I just want a few things to settle in my life, so that I won't feel like I am going around in circles all the time. It can be difficult to deal with when it sometimes feels like I don't get a break before the next trial is tossed my way.
I honestly believe that each challenge I have been given in the past few months are ones that will help me to grow beyond what I thought I was capable of... I have to say though, it has been awful, really awful. Those huge challenges might come with great rewards but while I am going through them, they are overwhelmingly tough. Right now I am reminded of that story about how we are being sanded and polished with each challenge, I am thinking enough is enough.. a few rough edges are okay with me. Personally, I don't mind a few places that are not polished perfectly, that can come later... however; maybe I don't know best.
I guess I have to give up trying to figure out how to control everything in my life and remember that just because I cannot always see the light at the end of the tunnel, I know it is there because it has always been there. I want to get through this and look back, breathe a sigh of relief and think wow, I made it through and it was worth it... maybe I can say that in the near future.