The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.
So, I finally have a pill that let me get some sleep last night, however; I will not be able to take a full one on work nights. I woke up twice through the night but I was so tired both times that I fell right back to sleep. I slept until nine am and I was in bed by ten pm, so it was a fairly decent sleep... unfortunately it left me feeling sleepy past lunch and I was not able to accomplish what I had hoped, oh well, at least I got some much needed sleep. I can talk a lot at the best of times but look out when I haven't had sleep, I could talk your ear off then but I lose my train of thought easily too.
I am going to bed early tonight and take a whole one, it will be great to have two nights in a row... normally I am lucky to get one decent night per week. Hence why I have been trying lots of ways to sleep. I miss how I used to crawl into bed, have a few thoughts and then fall asleep for the whole night.... Those days are truly missed by me, that was before I felt like I have too many balls in the air and juggling them feels like they are becoming near impossible. Being a single mama is tough, I feel like I let my child down because I am gone early in the morning, I get home late at night, I don't sleep so I am overly tired.
Also, I lost my bus pass, so I had to dig down and buy bus tickets to get back and forth to work for the rest of the month. That means no Game Center, I will be walking outside for the rest of the month to have my exercise. I am sure I will raise my speed by walking outside in this cold, I will want to get home quickly... I think I will take to walking to the bridge in the morning again, that was a great 40-45 minute walk for me and got my heart rate up.
Christmas and New Years are very difficult for me, it is a reminder of dreams. I am just going to have to immerse myself in it this year, maybe I will be too busy to remember. I hope one day I will be too busy to remember, I don't want the holidays to be hard forever, I want to be able to enjoy them again. I am sure I will figure out a way to turn this around, I always do... somehow.