First Sleep, Then Dream

The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.

So, I finally have a pill that let me get some sleep last night, however; I will not be able to take a full one on work nights.  I woke up twice through the night but I was so tired both times that I fell right back to sleep.  I slept until nine am and I was in bed by ten pm, so it was a fairly decent sleep... unfortunately it left me feeling sleepy past lunch and I was not able to accomplish what I had hoped, oh well, at least I got some much needed sleep.  I can talk a lot at the best of times but look out when I haven't had sleep, I could talk your ear off then but I lose my train of thought easily too.

I am going to bed early tonight and take a whole one, it will be great to have two nights in a row... normally I am lucky to get one decent night per week.  Hence why I have been trying lots of ways to sleep.  I miss how I used to crawl into bed, have a few thoughts and then fall asleep for the whole night.... Those days are truly missed by me, that was before I felt like I have too many balls in the air and juggling them feels like they are becoming near impossible.  Being a single mama is tough, I feel like I let my child down because I am gone early in the morning, I get home late at night, I don't sleep so I am overly tired.
The whole thing is beyond hard, I know two parent families that have a rough time, doing it all by myself, every single day is overwhelming.  I am hoping that I will be able to continue to get some much needed sleep for a while, which will help me to feel more rested and then I will be more available.  That and if I could just resolve a few issues in my life, I am sure that would free up a couple of the balls I have in the air... I know this would help me to able to breathe a little easier.

Also, I lost my bus pass, so I had to dig down and buy bus tickets to get back and forth to work for the rest of the month. That means no Game Center, I will be walking outside for the rest of the month to have my exercise.  I am sure I will raise my speed by walking outside in this cold, I will want to get home quickly... I think I will take to walking to the bridge in the morning again, that was a great 40-45 minute walk for me and got my heart rate up.
I have to be creative when I have no extra money to get to the gym, especially before Christmas. Luckily for me, I only have a couple of people I buy for, Valentina and Jackson. As well, Valentina is pretty grateful for whatever she gets, she is easy to please and not to highly demanding. For this I am thankful, it is still going to be hard ... I will figure out some way though.  I think we should get our tree up the first week in December, so we can enjoy it for the whole month. 

Christmas and New Years are very difficult for me, it is a reminder of dreams.  I am just going to have to immerse myself in it this year, maybe I will be too busy to remember.  I hope one day I will be too busy to remember, I don't want the holidays to be hard forever, I want to be able to enjoy them again.  I am sure I will figure out a way to turn this around, I always do... somehow.

48 comments :

  1. Launna, you are one of the strongest ladies I have ever met through blogging. Your strength always amazes me, and reading your posts always inspires me. I'm sure God is giving you the extra strength you need. I'm glad to know that you were able to sleep well some nights. Days with not enough sleep can be really exhausting!

    Take care always and God bless, my friend! ♡ :-)

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    1. Thank you Irene, you are so sweet with your comments ... there are days I don't feel strong but other days where I feel like I can take on the world... ;)

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  2. I don't have too many "dreams" but I usually fight for seeing them fulfilled with all my powers. And it's worth the fight.
    Hugs and kisses dear Launna.
    P.S. You look so good in your profile picture :)

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    1. Thank you Petro, I fight for my dreams too... I never give up. Sometimes the dream changes but I never give up. Thanks for the compliment, I feel much better since losing the weight..:)

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  3. I am
    So happy to know that you are now getting your proper sleep . :)
    Happy Sunday
    Keep in touch,
    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com

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    1. Thank you Pooja, sleep really helps with your though patterns..:)

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  4. I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling so with getting enough sleep. You have enough on your plate without having to deal with that too. Sorry to hear about the lost bus pass too. I admire how well you and other single parents manage without a partner when taking care of your daughter. It's tough enough with two parents. With one, I'm sure it is exhausting. You are a good mother, though, and Valentina knows that. I'm glad to hear you found some meds that will help you get more sleep at least on the weekends.Take care and hang in there. You've come through a lot of things and are very strong. I'm sure you will get through this time in your life too.

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    1. Thank you Daisy, I will get through this as I always do but you are right sometimes it is exhausting, right now is one of those times... I just have to be patient, everything will work itself out, it always does..

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  5. Hi Launna,
    Your life has been one big roller coaster with more dips than ups. Some of what you write is at times distressing. I wish I could be of help.

    Love and prayers.

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    1. Thank you Rajesh, writing it down helps, it helps to purge the feelings yet always be able to read them.. :)

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  6. You have achieved a lot ! I would be so proud if I were you. This in itself is worth a million Holidays. I do not mean to undermine the value of Holidays, but isn't Happiness the purpose of Holidays. What better way to spread happiness than be happy ourselves to begin with !

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    1. Thank you Munir, I am working on making the holidays filled with happiness again... unfortunately it isn't as simple as I had hoped it would be... just getting through is the best I can do right now. I am very grateful for all I have achieved and will achieve :)

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  7. I hope the pill helps. This could really be a wonderful cure for your insomnia. And my sister is a single mother and I agree it's a very tough job. I have tremendous respect for all single mothers.

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    1. Thank you Keith the pill is helping, yay... Being a single mama is tough ... Andrea turned out great though and I am hoping Valentina will too :)

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  8. First sleep, than dream...... I love it, and so your post!!!!!!
    Happy sunday my dear!!!!

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  9. Interesting thoughts about sleppings and dreams, both important for everybody.
    Thanks for your visits, I feel always happy to receive my canadian friend. Have a nice week. Kisses

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    1. Thank you Armando... I always love visiting all your beautiful pictures :)

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  10. Just started reading your blog...and am enjoying your journey. Do be careful with the pills. You didn't say what they were, but they can have some weird side effects. Also although you might be "sleeping" they can disrupt your REM sleep, which is the most important part of sleep. Anyway, wishing you the best.

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    1. Thank you Grace, the pills are sleeping pills from my doctor, so it is fine... I won't be taking full ones but I do need to take something, otherwise I will never sleep which is not good... :)

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  11. Maybe as you get used to the pill you will be able to handle it better. I'm sorry things are so difficult for you now. My prayers are with you.

    I nominated you for a Sunshine Award. It's on my blog. If you are too busy don't worry about it.

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    1. Thank you Betty, I will just take half at a time for this week and see how I feel. It is good that I am sleeping right now :)

      Thank you for the award, I will collect a few and do a post down the road :)

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    1. Thank you so much Zoya... you are so kind:)

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  13. Ele é divino mesmo, viu?! Estou encantada! ;)

    Fique sossegada, que tudo dá certo no final!

    Ótimo domingo, Launna!

    Beijo! ^^

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    1. Thank you Amanda, you are right, everything works out in the end :)

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  14. Did you contact the people you purchased the bus pass from? Maybe they have record of your purchase and can issue a new one?

    I hope you find a good way to get some zzz's in !!!

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    1. Thank you Rosey, no way to get a second bus pass.. the new ones for December are out now. I'm trying ti find a good way to sleep ...

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  15. If the sleep is not proper it leads to many difficulties. We will not be able to concentrate in work. Will feel tired too because of no sleep.

    Taking pills for sleeping is not a good one. Before going to sleep have a peaceful mind and pray to god. You will have a good sleep.

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    1. Taking pills to sleep is NOT a great idea but getting no sleep is a worse idea....

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  16. aawww. sounds terrible not to be able to sleep... also very sad that Christmas and New Years are bad times for you. hopefully good memories will replace the bad ones..

    www.lesley-kim.com

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    1. Thank you Lesley.. it is terrible not to sleep...

      Thank you Lesley, I had a wonderful Christmas a few years ago... it's now a reminder of what I don't have.. that's what makes it sad...

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  17. Have a great start of the week, my dear beautiful blogger friend!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Thank you Paola... have a wonderful week too;-)

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  18. Side note on whatever sleep aid you are taking. Go ahead an look online at the side effects and note any you begin to feel. Sometime the side effects outweigh the desire to sleep. Interesting thing, after I stopped taking "Ambien" (10 days straight) I seemed to be over some kind of anxiety about falling asleep and I've done much better with nothing at all.

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    1. Thank you Kenya...my doctor and I was getting worried that I haven't really slept since late September... a day here and there is not enough. This isn't forever... this is just to get me some sleep so I can cope ;-)

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  19. Your non-defeatist attitude will get you through it. Hang in there!

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  20. Great post!! You are so strong!! I admire and LOVE your attitude!! <3

    Diana
    www.ManhattanImageandStyle.com
    New Blog Post: Tips To Find Inspiration When Picking an Outfit

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  21. happy sleeping and dreaming! it's funny that I used to hate naps as a kid and now I can't get enough :D

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    1. Thank you Pop... I never wanted to sleep when I was younger.. today all I want to do is sleep ;-)

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