Wow, I Deserve Even Better

The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.

Where do I start?  At the beginning?  I then have to ask, which beginning?  The one for him and me, where then I explain how the beginning came long before that. It came from growing up feeling unloved and unwanted... My father was an absent one for the majority of the time and Ruth was my stepmother (she certainly could have lived up to the wicked stepmother).  I know lots of people will say that is not an excuse, they can point out many people who overcame that and had life long loving relationships.  I am not one of them, I am the one who has chosen unavailable men all of her life, why because I never felt worthy of love, I just craved it. However; the more I craved it, the more it eluded me...

The more it eluded me, the more I felt undeserving of it, first I met a man when I was 16 years old, he was 20.  All I can say, is where were my parents, I would not allow my daughter to date someone that old when she was only 16.  I would have put my foot down with Andrea, there are parents who need to step up to the plate, my parents were not those people.  I can't say that it was my mother as she felt she couldn't say much since she had not been in our lives for 10 years. That would be my father who was so lax... I don't know why he was but he was.

Anyway, that first relationship ended after an on again, off again for three years and when it did, it took me less than a month to get over him. Most guys after that were similar, meet a guy... guy is no good... have a short relationship... break up and get over them.  Along comes second important guy, he wouldn't marry me because I had already had a child outside of marriage and he couldn't explain that to his parents.   This coming from a man who had a child outside of marriage that he didn't tell his parents about until years later.  Okay that relationship ended... that took years to really end, it was before my marriage and after my marriage.  It took him being so callous after my ex husband Andrey raped me... saying what did I expect?  NOT THAT!!!!

In between that relationship, I married Andrey... that relationship was awful, from near beginning to the end.  He started out small, with calling me a few names, to yelling, to swearing to pushing... I finally got out of that and then less then a year later, he raped me.  A year after that he threatened to kill me... Somewhere along the line, I lost myself in that marriage... not because I was in love with him, I wasn't for a very long time and it was never real love.  I stayed because I signed papers where I was responsible for him, as soon as I found out I was no longer obligated, I set myself free.

Then I went on a dating spree, I don't think there is a better word for it, I saw who I wanted and I didn't care what anyone thought.   Finally about six months before I started speaking with him, I had settled down, I wanted something more than just frivolous dating.  I fell fast and I fell hard, it was simple, he was sweet, he was kind and I thought finally I was going to be with someone who I was deserving of and someone who was deserving of me.  That of course was not to be...  Then because of how I was raised, where I lacked love as a child, the reason I craved it so much... I held on longer than I should...Continuing to move forward now as I have been, each day moving on...
I keep reading that quote about letting go for something better, I will have to look that one up and add it in here... I can tell you this, he better be amazing, like crazy amazing... I am just not settling for less, I am sure he exists, I'm not giving up hope.  I think when I lost him, I lost hope... I started thinking how could I find anyone who would make me feel that special again but I will and like the quote says it will be even better, this time, the amazing guy will love me too.  I had to have him and lose him to find out that I deserved even better...(not that he wasn't wonderful because he is, that's why I say, wow... I deserve even better).

118 comments :

  1. Wow, I am so sorry for what you had to go through growing up. I hope that you find this truly amazing guy that will love you like you've never been loved before. I am positive he is out there looking just for you! (((HUGS)))

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  2. Ahw I feel sorry for you! Hope that everything
    is going good now. You deserve it! :) You are
    an amazing person!

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Dascha, that is very kind of you to say :) xo

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  3. Hi Launna

    I am sorry you experienced so many tough moments in your life but you know what you are already on the right track when you believe and know that you deserve better. It is also good to just take time for yourself and enjoy life and when you least expect it love will find you and this time it might just be with the right guy.

    www.steffysworld.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Steffy, I appreciate the lovely comment :)

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  4. I am so sorry for what you had to go through :( I wish all the best :) xxx

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  5. I'm so sorry darling, but I know that you are a strong woman and be able to overcome it all!
    Kisses & hugs Launna!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Paola.. I am hoping I am strong enough xo

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  6. You inspire so many people! Your writing is beautiful!

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  7. This is a beautiful and sad post, you deserve the very very best. I'm sorry your parents were absent, that sucks, but you definitely do deserve everything you have always wanted. I really hope you find it soon (I have faith you definitely will find it one day, good people always do) xx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Charotte, I really loved all the kind words you said to me, they really touched me..

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  8. Of course he exists! I read a quote once that said "one day someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else" :)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Keith, I've read that before... I thought that was about him for so long...:-/

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  9. Hi dear,

    I like your pretty blog, I'll be back more often =)
    Do you want to follow each other on GFC and maybe social media?
    Let me know so I can follow you back.
    Kisses, Ana
    http://xoxocitygirl.blogspot.pt

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Ana... I will defintely visit your blog ;-)

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    2. Thank you so much for following me, I just started to follow you on GFC, Google+, twitter, pinterest and I liked your facebook page :D
      Kisses

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  10. So sad ,but i love the way you write the sad Story. Great Post.

    Lovely greetings! big Hugs <3

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  11. Currently, I have a giveaway on my blog.
    Check it out if you dont mind to :D

    http://milchbube.blogspot.de/2013/11/oasap-giveaway.html

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  12. It appears by you actions this year that you started loving yourself. I think that's the first step.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Rick, it's been a tough year but one I've had to go through :-/

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  13. Lovely post



    http://www.facebook.com/AmandaChicFashionRoomLounge?ref=hl
    twitter & instagram : @fashionrlounge
    Fashion room lounge

    A chic kiss ;)

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  14. awww.....launna dont be sad and be strong always
    keep in touch
    www.hairfashionbeautyblog.blogspot.in

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kriti... I'm trying to stay strong :-/

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  15. Thank you for following. Which you explain has happened in my life again and again, to find the right partner is almost impossible mission.
    Stay strong, sometimes the ex partners make us weak it has to stop.
    Hugs!!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Enara... it might seem impossible but I think it's possible ;-)

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  16. ♥Super here with you!
    Would you like to observe? ♥ ☑
    ♥Follow me - let me know - and I'll let you observe! :) ♥

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  17. wish you all the best, hope everything will be ok, but you're a great woman i think! http://www.we-heart-fashion.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much for your lovely comment Kelly ;-)

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  18. (; Reb, xoxo.

    *Nuovo post sul mio blog, fammi sapere cosa ne pensi:
    http://www.toprebel.com/2013/11/le-civette.html

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  19. You have been through so much, Launna, and still you impress me as a very strong and capable person. You do indeed deserve better. Hugs to you.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Daisy, I really appreciate each and every comment you leave on my blog :)

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  20. I am inviting you to join my $30 certificate giveaway
    http://www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com/2013/11/dressale-30-certificate-giveaway.html?m=0
    Keep in touch,
    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com

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  21. wow Launna you've had such a rocky road...that explains your resistance and your strong ambition...you are sooo dear to me.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Petronela, you are always so sweet to me :)

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  22. Have a lovely thursday my dear!!!!
    Kissssssssss

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Paola... have a lovely Thursday too ;-)

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  23. You are definitely an impressive person having to go through soo much and still going strong.. Kudos to you gurl... Hope you the best in fute.. You truly deserve to be happy.. Keep smiling always.. Do visit my blog.. http://kitchenserenity.blogspot.in/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Nilu, such sweet and kind words ;-)

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  24. Wow! What can I say? ... intimidates me!
    Great post! I congratulate the ability and talent to curiosity to me!
    I will always be coming back for more: *


    Regards,
    Katherine Unique

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Katherine, you always leave such sweet comments ;-)

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  25. The right-for-you man will be so crazy head over heels that you'll forget you were ever even without it. :)

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    Replies
    1. I mean without him, hahahaha
      My SIL is going through something similar...she dated a great guy. He was married but had been separated (in dif. states) for years. He left my SIL to go back to his marriage because his mom did not approve of him dating. Crazy, weird, true. That was awhile ago and she's longing for a guy as special as him. I told her she deserves better...someone who would never go anywhere, for any reason. And I have zero doubt she'll find that (though she wishes for sooner rather than later, ha!). :) I say when he comes (for you and for her) he'll make you forget you were even even looking for him. And the wait will be worth it. My unsolicited twenty nine cents for the day. :)

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    2. I can hardly wait Rosey... I want that guy who KNOWS I'm special ;-)

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    3. I hope your SIL finds hers soon too Rosie;-)

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  26. If only we didn't have to learn things the hard way, did we? Yes, you deserve so much better, Launna. Hugs. ♡ :-)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Irene, we all deserve the best ;-)

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  27. Replies
    1. You are welcome Mona and thank you too :-)

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  28. You have been through so much, very sorry
    www.sandicious.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Sandra, we all have our things we deal have to deal with... mine is not worse than anyone else's, it is what I need to go through :-/

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  29. Love it, great post!

    Love from Amsterdam!

    Http://juicyconfashions.blogspot.com

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  30. Wow! When you wrote " I never felt worthy of love, I just craved it" a lot of personal memories came to my mind and I felt like I could explain those moments with that single phrase. Once, one of my sisters told me "We accept the love we think we deserve", and as far as I can see, you deserve a great true love my friend :)
    Brilliant post.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Deb... I finally know what I deserve and I won't settle...

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  31. Happy friday, my dear Launna!!!!
    Ciao, Kisses from Italy!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Paola... have a fabulous Friday:-) xox

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  32. Love it Launna - this post is looking up! I know several people who found "amazing" that they didn't think really existed.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kenya, I'm holding out for amazing...

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  33. Replies
    1. Thank you Enara, you have a good day too :-)

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  34. Many of us come from pasts that could potentially cripple us emotionally. The way I see it is if I were to spend all my time looking in the rear view mirror, fretting over what's behind me, I'd miss out on seeing the beauty all around me, and the road of potential that lies ahead.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Susan, some of us are better at letting go then others :-/

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  35. Sounds like you went through some rough patches :-( I am sorry to hear that. I feel very blessed that I found my soulmate at such a young age. We had our ups and downs, of course, but we got through it and I now know that he is the man I want to (and will) spend the rest of my life with.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Kissandmakeup... I am happy you found your soulmate early.. by oldest daughter did too. I found my soulmate but I have to look for another one.... :-/

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  36. You are such a beautiful person inside and out, Launna. The right man will come along for you, I know it. Right now you are focusing on yourself, which has been long overdue. When you meet "Mr. Right", he will be one very lucky man to have you! <3

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Marcia, that is so very sweet of you to say... thank you

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  37. I like what Menopausal Mama said...I agree and your words at the beginning of the post, don't be afraid, resonates with me. Happy weekend Launna.....keep on doing what you're doing. It's working and you're inspiring. Hugs

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Nikki, you are always so sweet and kind to me, I really appreciate it immensely... :)

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  38. cute


    http://www.facebook.com/AmandaChicFashionRoomLounge?ref=hl
    twitter & instagram : @fashionrlounge
    Fashion room lounge

    A chic kiss ;)

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  39. Dear Launna: i send you my greetings from New York. I am on your side of the world and I feel this emotion. Your blog travels with me and I feel lucky of reading you and share your emotions and thoughts. Kisses from your America

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Armando... I hope you are loving New York :-)

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  40. i'm in love with this! great post x

    Visit my blog? xx Miss Beatrix (http://missbeatrix.blogspot.com)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Bernadeth, I will visit your blog :)

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  41. Chanced upon your blog and enjoy reading it! (:

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Michelle, I'll have to go visit yours ;-)

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  42. Have a great start of the week doll!
    kisssssssssssss

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  43. amazing blog dear so so inspiring i am your new follower please follow me back :*

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Fashion, I am following you on GFC and Bloglovin ;-)

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  44. beautifully inspiring you write:) kiesses:)

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  45. You have such a beautiful heart and you deserve the very best!! The right person will come at the right time! <3

    Diana
    www.ManhattanImageandStyle.com
    New Blog Post: How to Save Money This Holiday Season

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Diana... I'll settle for the second right person ;-)

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  46. thank you for your comment ... it's a quote from a song i love very much ...but i would rather spare to wait by the phone...:(

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  47. Hi! Your blog is so deep and touching! Definitely follow you! It would be nice if you follow me back!:)
    http://krasabender.blogspot.ru/

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much... I will certainly follow you;-)

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  48. Thinking of you beautiful. I have a lot of trouble letting go of the past. Life just isn't easy.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Imogen... how very sweet of you ;-)

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  49. First off, things affect people differently. The way it affected you is how you were affected and it did make life hard for you. You could meet someone and spend 30 or more blissful years with them. I am praying that now that you are ready the wonderful person you deserve is going to come along and cherish you for the rest of your life.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you again Betty, those are some really sweet words :)

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  50. Hi Launna!

    Thank you for stopping by, it has been such a long time(seems to me). I was away for more than two weeks, I can taste the food now, I am glad, I still around. Hope all is good with you awhile we lost our touch. My doctor still need me to have some rest instead of blogging but I miss blogging though.

    I have to go to bed just wanted to stop by real quick! keep up the wonderful work and you are doing so wonderfully!

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Tanya, I hope you are feeling much better soon... I was worried when you didn't post. Get some rest, so you will get better quicker :)

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  51. Dear Launna!
    Merry Christmas <3 ,much love!

    kisses

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤