Was What I Lost, Worth What I Gained

The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.

I haven't had writers block, I have had this blog block, I have been writing in my other blog, my personal one, every night.  That is because I can say whatever I want, I don't have to gauge how someone might take it.  I feel like I have been skating on thin ice when I write here, I wonder if I might say something wrong... As well, after I wrote my last entry about deserving even better, it left me pondering a lot of things from that post.  My self esteem used to be wrapped up in if someone loved me or not.

That isn't the way that it is any longer, my self esteem comes from within now ... right where it always should have come from.  I feel though that my lack of self esteem in the past may have hurt me in a greater way... I feel like since I used to be needy that people that saw me that way are unable to see the change in me now.  I understand why people would have a hard time believing that I have changed, I have tried many other times, only to fail... but this time, something different happened.  I really got it, inside me, I got that I deserved to do this for me, I was worth all the effort.

I have been thinking about that a lot because since I have lost my bus pass, I have not been putting in as much effort .... I now make sure that I take two walks per day and I put in the effort to get my heart rate up.  I sometimes try to talk myself out of it but I get myself out, this is important, I need to stay active so that when I get my bus pass pack next week, I will be ready for the gym.  Every time I think of making an excuse not to go, I remember that girl from a short six months ago who had no idea what she was capable of or how strong she was. I never want to lose that feeling
Unfortunately I cannot make other people see the change in me, I just have to keep working on being the best me ... that is all I have control over.  It's not a good feeling when I know that my past behavior comes back to bite me in the butt.  There are consequences to our actions, even if we didn't mean them intentionally.  It is making me think twice about what I say or write now and in the future; my posts from the past are there to remind me where I don't want to go back to... I would delete some of them... a lot of them but then I might forget and I never want to forget where I was and don't want to be in the future.

I was focused on all the wrong things, I was not focused on me.  Since I neglected myself, everything around me was neglected.  When I took my life back this summer, I realized that taking care of me, helped me to be able to take better care of other things around me.  It was a good lesson, one that I plan to remember... the Summer of 2013 was the year I found my self confidence, the Fall brought a challenge I was sure I would fail, sometimes I wonder if I still won't fail but I keep moving forward and making new goals.  Sometimes that is all I can do with the challenges I have been handed, some day it might all make sense.

Until then, I have to keep moving forward, even if I don't always feel like it... Sometimes it is really hard... sometimes I wonder if it is worth it?  Was what I lost, worth what I gained?

106 comments :

  1. Hi Launna, Hope you are having a great day! Dont worry about what people see in you! I always feel that if we have enough faith in ourselves then nothing can deter us from feeling low! Have a lovely day!

    Love Nilu Yuleena,
    from
    BIG hair LOUD mouth BLOG
    BIG hair LOUD mouth FACEBOOK page
    BLOGLOVIN

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    1. Thank you Nilu, it's not what people think of me, I can handle that... it is what I lost :-/

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  2. Just keep smiling!No, positive attitude won't solve your problems but, it will make those bad-hearted people wondering what made you smile ;) And it is your blog, your corner of the internet! You should feel free to write your mind!

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    1. Thank you Anna, unfortunately I do have to think about what I write about... at least I have my personal blog...

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  3. You've got the right idea--just keep moving forward. Life is too short to keep looking back!

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    1. Thank you Marcia, I am moving forward... just wishing sometimes that I didn't have to lose so much... :-/

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  4. Launna I love everything you write is really strong his faith and determination!

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  5. Launna, I have watched you over, not just the last few weeks, but through the last 24 years. I can barely recognize the new you. Yes, you have become more physically healthy and that is awesome. It is especially wonderful to see how committed you are to this new lifestyle.
    What has impressed me most, though, is the remarkable change I see in your attitude. I can hear the strength in your voice when you talk about what you expect from the universe. You are finally in charge.
    I will keep my promise but I think I can say this without breaking it. You had a lucky break, even if you don't quite appreciate it yet. You were settling for bronze when you deserve the gold. Go get it girl!

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    1. Thank you my Cindy, you are always in my cheering section :)

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  6. NO matter how our past were and how our present is and how future will be, there is in it inspiration that should drag oneself to what we should do maim.

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    1. Thank you Sangay, yes we should have inspiration. :)

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  7. It is very good to take care of ourselves. Walking is a very good exercise...

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    1. Thank you weekend, walking is great exercise :)

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  8. I have such a attention grabbing writing style...
    Positive thinking and forgetting the past is solution to many issues
    Don't forget to join my $30 certificate giveaway
    http://www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com/2013/11/dressale-30-certificate-giveaway.html?m=0
    Keep in touch,
    www.beingbeautifulandpretty.com

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    1. Thank you Pooja... that is very sweet of you to say :)

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  9. Forget the past .... your future will be much better!
    Have a lovely day honey!!!!
    Kissss

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    1. Thank you Paola, I wish the past was so easy to forget.... :-/

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  10. nice blog dear :)
    maybe we will follow each other on GFC? let me know :) (on facebook too if you have )
    Kisses!
    DOMINIKALICIOUS

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    1. Thank you Dominika, I am following you on GFC and Bloglovin ;-)

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  11. love your writing style, it always makes me think :)

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    1. Thank you SO much Vett... that's so kind of you :-)

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  12. Replies
    1. Thank you John Paul.... you are totally correct ;-)

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  13. Thanks for your lovely comment
    http://www.facebook.com/AmandaChicFashionRoomLounge?ref=hl
    twitter & instagram : @fashionrlounge
    Fashion room lounge

    A chic kiss ;)

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  14. Nice post dear!

    http://alovelystyle.blogspot.com.es/

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  15. Beautiful testimony from Cindy above! To be "barely" recognized inside out is an amazing transformation.

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    1. Thank you Kenya.. Cindy is a little biased since she's a good friend... love her ;-)

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  16. I think keeping up with change until it's just a part of our lifestyle is def. the hardest part (after the initial jump). I have complete faith in you that you have stick-to-i-tude. Totally in your corner.

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    1. Thank you Rosey....you are the sweetest ;-)

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  17. Self esteem comes from within, not from the approval or disapproval of others--yes, that is so true. I think once we realize that, that it is much easier to take care of our own needs. We have to learn from our past in order to move forward. You have made such great progress, Launna. I think you should be very proud of your success.

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    1. Thank you Daisy... I still have a way to go yet but I'm working on it :-)

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  18. Temos que nos colocar sempre em primeiro lugar!

    Ótima terça pra você, Launna!

    Beijo! ^^

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  19. dear launna, you have such a gorgeous blog!!!! I am feeling so good reading your texts! love them!!!!
    greetings from munich, julie

    www.frozenberries.blogspot.de

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    1. Thank you so much Julie, I love your comment... greetings from Canada :)

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  20. Don't let other people and their opinions get in your way! You will prove them all wrong -- and then you can gloat!

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    1. Thank you Kc, haha... you are so funny ... I love this comment :)

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  21. If you're unhappy with some of your earlier posts, but don't want to completely delete them, you can always turn them back into "drafts". Then, no one could see them but you.

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    1. Thank you Susan.. I thought about that... I might do that before the new year... maybe to start fresh...

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    2. Exactly Launna like Susan said you can still "revert to draft" on posts you would rather not share...

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    3. Thank you Steffy, I may just do this in the New Year :)

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  22. lovely blog :)
    http://saltskinned.blogspot.com.au

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  23. Launna, don't listen no one who are trying to put you down. They don't worth even your thoughts. You are so kind and warm person, with big heart. But if you are really unhappy, only because of your opinion not their, you always can put them in drafts.

    Have a great rest of the week
    http://lavenderloafers.com

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    1. Thank you Lavender... unfortunately I need to think of other people but I may put the old one's into draft..

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  24. thanks for your lovely comment
    http://www.facebook.com/AmandaChicFashionRoomLounge?ref=hl
    twitter & instagram : @fashionrlounge
    Fashion room lounge

    A chic kiss ;)

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    1. Thank you Amanda and you are most welcome :-)

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  25. yeah it's true that sometimes when you put things in public it's like skating on thin ice... but it's your blog afterall I think you should be able to say that you want and those that judge will judge anyway regardless to what you say :)

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    1. Thank you Pop... sometimes we have to think of other people's feelings when we are writing.... :-/

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  26. Blog writing can be very difficult. Yes we are putting all our thoughts out there. Blog makes me feel vulnerable too, so I do not write all the time. My culture sometimes disappoints me and I do feel like writing but then I back off because the purpose of my blogging is to improve human relations not stir things up within my own community. Hang in there, then when you feel calm and settled inside, then carefully articulate what you want to put in your blog.
    HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU AND YOURS
    Be happy for your own sake and for Valentina:) Hugs!

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    1. Thank you so much Munir...I want to inspire too... sometimes I just have things I need to say. ... but I really need to think about it..

      Happy Thanksgiving to you too Munir !!!!!

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  27. First of all, I don't think you should worry about what people might think when they read your thoughts on here. This is YOUR blog and these are YOUR thoughts and feelings, so you can say whatever the h*** you want as far as I'm concerned :-) I'm glad you're feeling such a change within you and that you love yourself for who you are.

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    1. Thank you kiss and make up... I do have to think of other people but I will speak the truth ;-)

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  28. buona serata (; Reb, xoxo.

    *Sul mio blog c'è un nuovo post, fammi sapere cosa ne pensi:
    http://www.toprebel.com/2013/11/floral-shirt-by-naracamicie.html

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  29. Walking always works for me, and I don't think you should ever try to be something for anyone else, especially not happy. It's all for yourself, never forget that.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Avy... I just want to be happy again... sometimes I wonder if I can be again :-/

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  30. great wording dear, very inspiring post. Kisses from Kenya

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  31. Have a lovely day!!!
    Kisses my dear Launna!!!

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  32. Hey, really nice blog you have! Drop by my if you feel like :)

    / / Line
    www.Linebiine.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Line, I will definitely visit your blog :-)

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  33. Thank you for your kind comment on my blog, I found it rather late! Apologies! I read this post of yours and I am afraid I have to agree with the others, this is your space, as long as you do not insult people, violate the law or others privacy or tell lies about them - why wouldn't you speak your mind? And btw - why don't you find alias’s? Just do not mentioned real names! They simply can't forbid you to speak your mind if their name's not mentioned. You can even portrait it as fiction!!! And if think they find them selves - ignore! I think you are a lady who thrives on and from the interaction with others and by sharing. Do not let this be taken away from you! As far as I can gather from this entry you have been ruled by others far to long! Be free! Speak your mind!!!

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    1. Thank you LouLou... I just say him/her right now... a fake name might be the way to go ;-)

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  34. Replies
    1. I understand.... Thank you LouLou ♡

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    2. i replied to your lst comment on my blog:
      http://censorshipofmyskin.blogspot.de/2013/06/closed.html#comment-form

      Hey and of course i know you understood! hahahaha!why wouldn't you! you write in English! i just wanted to correct my typo!

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    3. I am always trying to correct my errors too... sometimes I type too fast or I type from my phone and hit send too quickly ;-)

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  35. Beautiful post like always!! I¡m happy your self steem has now come back!!

    XOXO!

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    1. Thank you so much Fashion Lover... you are SO sweet :-)

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  36. Love it how sensitive and in the same way strong you are! My english is not very good ,i do better read than write ,i´m sorry for that. want to say ,that i love how you do this great Blog :)

    big Hugs

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    1. Awe... thank you so much LiveT... your English is great ;-)

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  37. You always write lovely post


    http://www.facebook.com/AmandaChicFashionRoomLounge?ref=hl
    twitter & instagram : @fashionrlounge
    Fashion room lounge

    A chic kiss ;)

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    1. Thank you for your sweet comment Amanda ;-)

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  38. I love your blog so much ! ;*

    I´m following your blog
    I invite you to follow me

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    1. Thank you Monique, I will check out your blog :)

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  39. Nice.
    Would you like to follow each other via GFC? If you would, just follow me and leave a comment on my blog, so that I can follow you back :)
    http://astbakay.blogspot.ru/

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    1. Thank you Anastasia... I'll visit your blog and follow you ;-)

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  40. you got it so right on Launna, we can only change us, no one else. Keep on keeping on. You're doing awesome. In your corner, cheering for you.

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    1. Thank you Nikki, I appreciate the cheering ;-)

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  41. Your post are really inspiring! You are so right :)

    Hope you have a great weekend! Enjoy it.

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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    1. Thank you so much Dascha... you are so sweet ;-)

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  42. Whatever you do, don't go back to how you use to be. Sometimes you have to lose a few things in order to gain a whole lot more.

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    1. Thank you Rum-Punch, some of those things you lose are bigger than you ever could have known... I am not going back though... there is nothing to go back to.

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  43. Tnx for your lovely words my friend... have a fab end of the week!!!
    Kisses

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    1. Thank you Paola, have a fabulous weekend :)

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  44. aww great post!! This shows me the importance of taking care of myself so i can take care of those i love

    www.lesley-kim.com

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    1. Thank you so much Lesley for the wonderful comment :)

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  45. I think it's so good you have two places where you can write and especially because it's so theraputic to write everything you're feeling it's good to have a private one like you do.

    Great post
    xoDale
    www.savvyspice.com

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  46. Morning Launna!
    Have a lovely sunday!!!!
    Kiss

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    1. Thank you Paola... have an awesome Sunday too ;-)

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  47. It was surely worth more.
    Don't worry. I cherish your positive attitude, try to inculcate it too. So, I think you've got it all figured out already.
    So much love.

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    1. Thank you Purple Assassin... I don't have it all figured out... much love to you too ;-)

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  48. You are very strong! I really admire you Launna!
    Lot's of kisses,Lena!

    http://throughbluecupeyes.blogspot.gr/

    https://www.facebook.com/ThroughBlueCupEyes

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤