Jumping Off The Fence

The only thing that matters now is my mission, nothing will stand in my way anymore.

I had to take a deep breath to relax myself tonight, first I haven't slept more than 3 hours for the past two nights as I have had a lot on my mind... I have been thinking about the issue that is getting in the way of me sleeing, just being grateful if I have one night of sleep a week.  I have not been able to sleep well for the past 10 years but it is really the past 2 months or so that I have had this much difficulty.  It's because I didn't want to make a decision one way or the other, I'm always afraid of not making the right one.  I thought it was easier living in limbo... since either decision was not going to make me happy.

Normally a decision is cut and dry, this one is the complete opposite. This decision makes me sad either way, for the past two months I held out hoping I didn't have to decide.  However; something has become crystal clear to me in the last week and made me realize that I had to decide on the easiest one of them.  Although I dare anyone to find either one of them easy.  I just know that I have to do something, otherwise in a year... I will be in the same place that I am now.  I honestly don't want that for myself, that is why I finally made a choice.
I think the fact that I made a choice will help me to able to sleep... my mind has been racing for the past two months, rarely letting me rest... it's time to make a change.  Much like I made when I committed to getting healthy and losing the weight, it wasn't easy in the beginning, it was a lot of hard work but it paid off and it is still paying off today.  Hopefully this choice will pan out the same way.  I realized another thing too, I am not ready to date, I really thought I was... I am not saying I won't be ready in the very near future but for today and probably until the end of this year I think I will put that idea on a shelf.

I know that I deserve someone amazing, I have self worth and self esteem... I was talking to that guy from the other day.  He said it is scary to date and I said I didn't think it was scary at all but I did think it was scary to fall in love again.  He questioned me if I was really ready to date since I wasn't sure I wanted to fall in love again.  I knew he was right, I am at the point in my life that although I want that crazy and amazing love that comes from letting go and giving your whole heart to someone and having to trust they won't hurt you.  I am going to need some time to get through the repercussions of this decision I have made.
Either way I was going to need the time, then I will be ready to put myself out there and finally meet that guy I am worthy and deserving of, I believe that kind of love exists.. I see that with people that I know, so I know it can happen... it just has to be in the right place and right time. Lately I have been wishing that I could go back and change one day... so many things would be different right now but the truth is in that song The Dance, I was better off not knowing, otherwise I might not have had some really truly amazing experiences. Although extremely painful now, I am glad I didn't miss the experience...

It's time for me to get out of limbo and finally jump off the fence one way or the other...

118 comments :

  1. I love the sentiment in the song "The Dance." I agree if we avoided the pain in life we would also avoid all the wonderful parts of living. I hope your decision gives you some peace and allows you to move forward.

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    1. Thank you Betty... I am hoping my decision gives me peace too... I know the way I have been going hasn't been working very well...

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  2. I admire your determination. I know that this decision is hard for you. I also know how strong you have become. You deserve all the happiness that I know will come your way when you are ready to open yourself to it. You will be amazed at what is on the other side of that fence. It is your universe.

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    1. Thank you Cindy, I just thought my universe would look a little bit different than it does... I guess that is what change is all about, adjusting to what we deserve...

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  3. Sad to hear about your sleeping problem. Sleeping in night will make made active and to look good.

    While going to sleep just leave all your thoughts and make your mind concentrate in God. Hear your favorite songs.
    Good luck for you to have a good sleep :)

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    1. Thank you very much, yes... sleeping is very important, I am working on getting more :)

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  4. I hope you'll soon feel confident enough to make that decision. Making decisions is hard enough as it is, but knowing which way to go and worrying about choosing the wrong path is even more nerve-wrecking :-( Have a good weekend, girl. X

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    1. Awe thank you Kissandmakeup, I hope you have an awesome weekend too :)

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  5. Making decisions is important but I'm sure you'll choose the right one!! Good luck sweetie and have lots of sleep!!

    xoxo

    Style and Paper
    Bloglovin
    Facebook

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    1. Thank you Style and Paper, that is kind of you to say :)

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  6. It is not always easy to make the right decisions. You are right. Never the less God helps us through what ever we decide. Hang in there.

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    1. Thank you Munir, I really appreciate that... Heavenly Father is always there....

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    1. Thank you LouLou... no one has told me to be silent, however; I have not felt as comfortable in saying what I feel... This decision will hopefully help that, I just wish I wasn't so afraid of following through... I will but it makes me sad...

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  8. "It’s not childish to hold on to hope. It’s actually hard - very, very hard."
    ~Dr. Isobel Stevens

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    1. You are right Loulou, I think hope is a good thing.. even when it feels hard to hold on ...

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  9. Oh, my dear.... making right decisions is too hard, but you'll choose well, I'm sure!!!!
    Happy friday doll!
    http://expressyourselfbypaolalauretano.blogspot.it

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    1. Thank you Paola, you have an awesome weekend girl :) xox

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  10. beautiful post!
    what do you think about following each other? (also on instagram if you want)
    just let me know on my blog!
    xoxo
    Cecilia
    smiles' avenue

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  11. My sweet Launna,
    I have carefully read your post.
    I can only tell you that you deserve a second chance to fall in love.
    2 years ago I was disappointed by my husband .... and I did not want to live anymore.
    But he has regained me little by little.
    You are a beautiful person, look inside yourself and see this. Only a special person, you can write a post so delicate and beautiful.
    Kisses
    Maggie
    The Indian Savage Diary

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    1. Maggie, thank you so much for you lovely words to me, I took them to heart as I know you meant them that way...

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  12. Down the Lane someday way ahead in time, you will probably ask yourself... Was that my decision to take?

    Go ahead. Find some sleep.

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    1. Thank you Rajesh, unfortunately I won't forget this...

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  13. Love the title. love the post! You can do this, Launna. Takes baby steps but keep moving forward. I think the decision has already been made. Now you need to sleep. Too hard to think clearly without some rest.

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    1. Thank you Marcia, the decision has been made... not by me.

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  14. I've totally been there--the insomnia. I found that journaling everything out right before bed helped. Granted there have been so many nights I lay there, mind racing, but I feel like the right inspiration always comes in the right time. I'm wishing you the best in your tough choices.

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    1. Thank you Crystal, you are so sweet to say these words :)

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  15. Oh I HATE limbo. That is a terrible place to dwell - there is no breathing room in limbo and that's why you haven't been able to sleep. That's an unsettled place. Get off the fence, make a decision and get some sleep. You can always change your mind tomorrow.

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    1. Thank you Kenya, you made me smile... I can always change my mind tomorrow... maybe but there might be no turning back either...

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  16. Hello Launna!
    I cant read very well wnglish but trying, always use google translator :)
    I undestand that you speak about fall in love and I think that the love is always a fantastic and pure sense, never we have to afraid, because we never know what will be happen :)
    Very nice post
    Have a good weekend!!!

    http://alissagromova.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you Alissa, you understood perfectly and your English is good for using translator :)

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  17. Going back and forth on choices and trying to make a decision can be really tough to do sometimes because you don't want to go in the wrong direction, but you're right, not choosing means nothing ever changes too. I hope you will be able to sleep better now that you've made your choice.

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    1. Thank you Daisy... I think I might be able to sleep just as soon as I do one more thing...

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  18. Stopping by to wish you a great weekend and to say thank you for your comments today! I appreciated them and enjoyed reading them. Hugs!
    xx Easy Outfits, by Pip

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    1. Thank you Pip... have a great weekend too... :-)

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  19. oh i hope you feel better soon darling... and catch up on some sleep. whatever is it that's bothering you, i'm sure it'll be alright~

    xo, Carla
    www.CarlaViolet.com

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    1. Thank you Carla... I'm hoping this decision will help me to sleep ...

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  20. Hello Launna!
    Thank you for your comment, I'm happy that you took a decision, I have also to take a decision, it's not easy. I dream of having a house and a family. Hugs!!
    But now I don't have work :(

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    1. Thank you Enara, I hope you get work soon... you will have your dream...

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  21. Stay strong Launna even though you have some tough decisions to make, you can do it!

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  22. thank you so much! i've just followed you on gfc and on instagram as 'neeevermind'

    btw i want you to be strong! i really understand your pain, these are awful months for me too and i sleep 2/3 hours a day..but i know that one day i will be happy, i will go to bed paceful and i'll wake up full of energies to get trough the day and i'm sure that you'll do it too! the strenght is only inside you, it's there..just let it shine! :)
    if you need any help, or if you just want to talk..feel free to contact me
    hope you'll forgive me for my bad english haha
    a big hug
    Cecilia

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    1. Thank you Cecilia... I really appreciate the kind words and thoughts... your English is fine ;-)

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  23. Great post, I enjoyed reading it, I hope you feel better soon! :)

    Giveaway on my blog:
    http://sofija-photography.blogspot.com/

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  24. When I don't sleep....I can't think. And making decisions can be soo hard, especially if I make a decision and someone gets angry b/c it's not what they want me to do. Stay strong Launna and praying you get some good sleep.

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    1. Thank you Nikki, I really appreciate the kind words and prayers ;-)

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  25. great post!Love your content! good job!!
    check my blog if you want too:)
    NEW POST -> tr3ndygirl.com

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  26. Wow! What can I say? ... intimidates me! I love you honey :*
    Great post! I congratulate the ability and talent to curiosity to me!
    I will always be coming back for more: *


    Regards,
    Katherine Unique


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    1. Thank you Katherine, I always enjoy your comments :)

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  27. Replies
    1. Thank you Margaret, have a great weekend too :)

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  28. It's a very responsible and difficult stance to take, waiting until you really are ready, and I believe only good can come from it. So many people move too fast and leave a lot of hurt in their wake, not even meaning to do it. Wishing you luck and a good sleep! :)

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    1. Thank you Rosey, I really think taking it slow is best... I have a lot of things I am going to have to deal with in the next few days, so I think adding dating into the mix would not go well....

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  29. Great Words! Love also the Quotes and Sayings :)

    Happy Weekend ,big Hugs <3

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  30. I admire your strength even if you don't get enough sleep, Launna. I hope God will give you clarity and the peace of mind you need. As for love, I don't think it needs to be rushed. Only you know when you are ready. Much love and God bless! ♡ :-)

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    1. Thank you Irene, I won't be rushing... I just need to take my time ;-)

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  31. Replies
    1. Thank you Paola... happy Sunday to you too ;-)

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  32. Replies
    1. Thank you Aschaaa, kisses from Canada :-) xox

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  33. Fiquei feliz em ler seu comentário! Obrigada! ;)

    Ótimo domingo!

    Beijo! ^^

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    1. Thank you Amanda, have a great Sunday and you are welcome too :)

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  34. another honest and beautiful post Launna. I wish you peaceful nights and more sleep, everything will fall into place and you will achieve your goals :)

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  35. i know what it feels like if you're sleepless because of too many thoughts in your mind. not nice ... but life goes on, life get's better, one day. it's always darkest before the dawn <3

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  36. I hope the positive results of the decision you have made start appearing soon. In some situations, if you don't bet you don't win, and sometimes is worth taking the risk :)

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    1. Thanks Deb, you are right, sometimes it is worth taking the risk... it is just trying to figure out when it is worth it... :-/

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  37. I sometimes had trouble sleeping too =( thanks for sharing this post Launna =)
    thanks for dropping by on my blog keep in touch
    http://anotsosecretlife2011.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you Donna, I think there are a lot of people who have insomnia... :-/

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  38. May you have peace of mind now and get some much deserved rest.

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    1. Thank you Kc, I don't know about the peace of mind, neither decision was good... both decisions made and make me sad... :(

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  39. nominated you for the sunshine award =) http://anotsosecretlife2011.blogspot.com/2013/12/my-1st-sunshine-award.html

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    1. Thank you Donna, I will have to collect this in the new year :)

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  40. Have a great start of the week my dear Launna!

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    1. Thank you Paola, have a great start to your week too :) xox

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  41. Loads of kisses my love <3

    Carolina

    www.the-world-c.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Carolina... loads of kisses to you too xox ;-)

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    1. Thank you Margaret... have a lovely week too ;-)

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  43. Thanks for your lovely comment


    http://www.facebook.com/AmandaChicFashionRoomLounge?ref=hl
    twitter & instagram : @fashionrlounge
    Fashion room lounge

    A chic kiss ;)

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  44. Hope you will get more rest sweetie! :)

    xoxo
    www.its-dash.com

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  45. Thank you for your comment today Launna! Hope you are having a good Monday so far!
    xx Easy Outfits, by Pip

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    1. Thank you Pip.. I hope you had a good Monday too... you arr welcome ;-)

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  46. Hi dear, just found your blog and..wow, it's amazing! You've got such a fresh style...find it so inspiring, even if our styles may seem very different I think we've got a very similar point of view! I'll come reading your blog much more doll! If you want check my blog and if you find it as interesting as I find yours we can follow each other! Just let me know,
    Laura xxx
    http://gowestyoungcowgirl.blogspot.it/

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    1. Thank you Laura, I will certainly visit your blog ;-)

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  47. I sure know what it’s like to have a lot on your mind which prevents sleep and I am also very afraid of not making the right decisions. I hear you about neither decision being easy but be proud of yourself that you made one and are willing to make a change. Even if results are not seen right away we must maintain hope that one day our decisions will pay off. You most definitely worthy and deserving, continue to value your self worth and the amazing experiences you’ve had along the way because of where you are today.

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    1. Thank you Imogen... I am very grateful for where I am today... I have come a long way...

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  48. lovely blog :)
    http://saltskinned.blogspot.com.au

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  49. Hi Launna, it's really difficult to throw some thoughts away from mind, lately I also can't fall in sleep normally and always wake up in the middle of the night.But once you have done right decision you start feeling such a light on shoulders and it will become so easy to jump off the fence

    Have a happy week ahead
    http://lavenderloafers.com

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    1. Thank you Lavender... I had hoped the decision would help... unfortunately it hasn't...:-/

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  50. Launna! Thank you so much for stopping by as always :). The right decision is the hardest thing to walk by but always pay off right too. Keep up your awesome work. I'm so happy to see all my blog's friends are doing wonderfully. CheersSSSS!

    have a great week!

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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    1. Thank you Tanya... you are such a sweetie...I don't like my decision, I want to take it back and I can't :'(

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  51. Thank you so much for stopping by and comment on my blog some weeks ago! Would you like to follow each other on GFC? let me know dear!

    Have a nice day! <3

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    1. Thank you Rakel... I am following you on GFC and Bloglovin...;-)

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    2. Thank you for following me back Rakel ;-)

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  52. Yes, make your decision. I find that if I have a lot of "activity" buzzing in my head, keeping me from sleeping, if I write it down on paper, it's as though my mind can let it go. Maybe if you wrote the pros and cons of each decision down on paper, the right choice will become more apparent to you. Your heart will know which is the right choice.

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    1. Thank you Susan. I made the decision and it was wrong.. I can't take it back.... :-/

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  53. Aw...this was such an inspiring post! You seem like such a passionate person :) I know it's hard to make decisions sometimes. It's even harder to think about them clearly when you don't get enough sleep. I've been there! It's awful. But I wish you the best and I hope that God Blesses you abundantly.

    Just found your blog and I'm glad I did. I'm now following you on GFC and Bloglovin.

    xo Azu

    www.raven-locks.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much Azu... that is sweet of you to say ;-)

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤