Am I Too Broken

I have been trying so hard to work on myself and believe that I am worthy of what people tell me I am but deep down I think I am too broken to repair.  I keep being disappointed and instead of handling the disappointment I fail each time.  I know that I am supposed to accept what life offers me but sometimes it keeps pulling me down and I'm not sure I can keep bringing myself back up.

There are times I think I am strong for all that I have survived then other times like this I wonder how much disappointment one person could handle. Then I feel selfish for feeling that way when I have so much in my life,   I know that I have had many blessings in my life but sometimes it's hard to continue to see all the good things when there are so many losses to deal with.

I've made some really huge changes this week and I really really needed to have someone there to help me get through, I've been so alone, I haven't felt like I've had anyone to open up to.  I don't want to fail this time but it's so hard being alone doing this.  I have been lost and broken for so long, I'm not sure I can be repaired, definitely not by myself.

I just don't even know if I can keep picking myself up, I want to think that I can I'm just not sure.   It's becoming harder to deal with, especially when I finally find what I've always been missing and I lose that.  Why did I even get it for a small time, just so it can be taken away.  I almost think it would have been better to never have it.

I finally felt safe and now I don't....  now I feel alone again.

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