I'm out of sorts tonight, I really think I just need to talk to my best friend, say everything I am feeling, he always makes me feel better.... unfortunately he's studying like crazy and has absolutely no time to talk. It'll be another 3 weeks before we can spend more than a minute or two chatting. I know my other friends would let me talk to them but I just cannot open up to them the way I do with him.
I really wish the buses were not on strike, I just need to be able to get around when and where I want to. I love that I have amazing friends like Pammy who picks me up for work and drives me home, I know it's a lot for her to do and I really appreciate it. As well as Cindy who takes care of Valentina through the week so that I can work. I really do have wonderful friends.
I'm afraid and I really don't like fear getting to me, controlling me.... the fear does not have to succeed but being completely open and honest is the only way to make sure the fear doesn't win. When you bring fear out into the light, it has no where to hide and you are able get passed it. I know that David loves me regardless of what I tell him, will other people?
I am going to have a fast tomorrow, I haven't done that for a long time but I need to focus on some issues and fasting has always helped me to do that. I'm just going to jump in, immerse myself , anything to keep me busy. I have a long way to go but this is not a path I want to leave. It's been hard to get back, now I know it's time. I won't take anything so lightly, I will be grateful and thankful and remember how lucky I am.
There are many changes in my life, not exactly what I wanted but who knows what the future holds. Sometimes it just all gets to be too much and I end up having a weepy sad day... I know it doesn't help but I just have no other way of getting things out. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel! When you are in the tunnel, it seems you will never get to the other side but we always do... at least I always have come out on the other side and usually I figure out quite quickly what I needed to know. This tunnel has been very long but I can almost see the light... I just have to have a little more patience.