I now know what I should have known all along, I just have to take the first step. No one expects me to make it without stumbling, just me. That's unrealistic, I'm a human being, I'll fail many times until I succeed. It's a part of living and growing.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm afraid like everyone else, what if everyone knew all my secrets, all my weaknesses, would they still love me? Isn't that what we all fear? We just want to feel safe with someone who we know we can say what we need and know that we are loved no matter what.
When I learned to love someone that way, loving them no matter what they told me! I wanted to be their soft place to fall. The way we want to be their for our children, we always want them to know that we will be there, loving them always; at least I've wanted that and most people I know, do as well.
I finally learned to trust someone to be my soft place, I actually trusted myself to trust him and I was right, he'd rather hurt himself than hurt me. I feel good that I can choose the right things, the right people and the right places; I used to never trust myself because I was so afraid of the choices I had made.
I've grown though now, I'm not nearly as impulsive as I was even a few years ago. I've settled down and started to center myself, after all the chaos, all the turmoil, I've learned to be happy with me and to trust me. It feels good.