I've been living my life always looking for something, something to fill up the emptiness. After 48 years I found it, I felt like I came home, I felt whole. I knew I was missing something and when I found it, it was like wow. Then it was taken away and I wondered if it was worth having only to lose???
How can I finally have the missing pieces filled only to lose them? Was I supposed to learn something from all this? If so what? That I can handle loss?? Really?? Is this what it was all about.
I can't believe that I found what I've been looking for all my life. I was beyond exuberantly happy and incredibly grateful. Honestly no one could have been happier. I found I could love again, I found my best friend and confidant. No, I haven't lost my best friend, he'll always be there for me. However; it's not in the same form that it was in the beginning.
I know life can change on a dime, I just have to be patient and give it time. It's just SO hard when I know I've found what makes me whole and I have to wait for someone else to know it too.
Before anyone thinks, aren't we supposed to be whole when we enter a relationship? Sure that would be great but unrealistic. Sometimes you are made whole from someone who understands you and takes the time to help you find yourself. Sometimes...it takes someone believing in you to help you believe in yourself. It's not that I was never whole, it's that I know it now when I never knew it before.