I wrote a post last night that I couldn't put on my blog, it was sad and way too emotional. I've been this way for the past couple of days. I went on the cleanse so that I could work hard to clean up all aspects of my life. Some changes were easier, some were downright hard.
I realized that I haven't healed, not nearly as much as I thought or hoped. I just masked all the pain and I can't or rather I won't continue to cover it anymore. So instead I'm living in each moment of sadness and pain, things I was sure I had dealt with. Come to find out I hadn't dealt with it all, I had covered or buried it. All in an effort to feel better, to feel healed.
Unless I am willing to continue to cover my emotions for the rest of my life, I will have to break down and learn to be comfortable with them and with me. It's so difficult to live with the pain I feel and believe that everything will be okay.
Why am I the one who has invested so much of my heart and soul to only have it broken time and again? Why can't I get to the point that I don't care, where I can walk away and say it was all their loss and truly believe it?
I keep hearing all I have to do is have faith, is it really that easy?