So last night I went on a huge cooking craze, I made a huge pot of spaghetti, a medium size pot of chili, a meat loaf, a dozen mini apple pies and 2 dozen banana muffins. By next weekend I want to have David's cookies made (again) and another batch of almond brittle; I'd like to send his present and Jackson's early next week. Then I can concentrate on Valentina.
I had made my 'D's' cookies last week but we decided against sending them until he has his operation on this Wednesday. I'm already a basket case of worry, not sure how I will be on the actual day; especially since I may have to wait to hear from him. I can't believe he's going to have to be alone for pretty well four weeks. I will take any and all prayers and positive thoughts for my David, I believe the more people that pray and give out positive vibes, the more powerful it will be.
The holidays are fast approaching and although this is a sad time for me as I am not spending it the way I had envisioned, I plan to make it extremely special for my Valentina. This little girl deserves to have it made special just for her, she is so kind, thoughtful and loving. She and I are going to decorate the tree together (it's been 12 years since I have decorated my own tree, other people have done it for me) we are going to bake lots of goodies to give out to people and we are going to participate in as many Christmas parties as possible. I am doing this for her because there are not many little girls who deserve it more than her.
Last night I pondered how I never give up, sometimes I desperately want to but something keeps me holding on. It's because I'm so very sure of what is supposed to happen, even when others doubt. Don't get me wrong, I do doubt as well but deep down I truly believe in what I know for sure.
I often wish I could just give up or give in, it would make life easier... Why do I say that? I think it's harder and more emotional to hold on to my dreams when no one but me believes in them. I realize I'm the only one who matters though. People have their opinions but this is my life, I have to live with my decisions, not other people.