Wanting Better For My Children

What I am about to write is my own opinion, it is not meant to judge or insult anyone... I have been there.

Today I feel the need to write about something that has been on my mind, I can write this because I was where these young girls were when I was a teenager.  I was 17 years old when I found out I was pregnant with my first daughter (keep in mind birth control was not so readily available).

Many people would say abstain, yeah... that does not always work, especially when you are a teenager.  I grew up in a middle class home and all my friends were middle class as well.  This is where I was naive, I had no idea how I was going to raise my baby, my grandmother told me I would have to get money from the government. 

I said huh?  What do you mean?  She said you can get government assistance.  I was shocked, I said really?  I had never heard of this, so I started my long trek of being on assistance.  Why do I bring this up?  Well, I see young single mothers getting on the bus with their child or children to drop them off at day care. 

These girls are in sweat pants, sneakers, hair tied up in messy buns with their i phones, chatting loudly to each other about what they planned to spend their checks on....  These girls are not going to work or going to school, why is the government paying for their day care?  This makes no sense to me.

I did everything within my power to better myself while I was on assistance, I went to college, night courses, I worked part time and the biggest thing I did was NOT bury my head in the sand with my daughter.  I talked to her until I was blue in the face, I did NOT want her to become a statistic.  When she started dating I took her to the doctor and had her take protection, as well I had her go to planned parenthood.

I don't want to sound judgmental as I know things happen but in this day and age, birth control is readily available for a girl or woman to take and for free.  I take issue with those girls who have more than one child while on assistance, REALLY?  I did everything in my power not to have another baby while I was on assistance. By the way I am highly fertile, basically a man has to breathe on me and I get pregnant (I made sure to do all that I could to NOT to get pregnant again).

If I had not married, I wouldn't have had another child. When things did not work out with Andrey, I worked massive hours to raise Valentina without government assistance.  Has it been easy, NO!  I have been blessed with people who have helped me to make it.  I made it a priority, I refused to raise another child on assistance.

This does not make me a better person or mother but it makes me wonder why these girls would purposefully limit their future.  Especially in this day and age where it is very possible to prevent yourself from becoming pregnant.  If they are having these children to have someone to love them, they are in for a rude awakening.  These children need to be loved and if these girls  don't love themselves, how can they give this to their children.

Also those children become teenagers and look out, if you haven't given them a solid foundation they will repeat their mothers actions.  I am SO grateful and thankful that my oldest daughter did NOT follow in my footsteps, she waited to have a baby until she married.  I see her so happy and my grandson Jackson is one happy and loved baby.

I understand that things happen in life where we need help from people or the government, I applaud the girls or women who use the system appropriately to better themselves so that they and their children don't become a long term statistic.

My frustration comes from when these girls have a baby, then they have another one.  Then they give up and live off the system, never trying to better themselves.  Teaching their children to do the same thing.  I want better for my children and myself, I would hope all girls would want better for themselves and their children.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield


  1. It is sad to see how some girls are unable to break the cycle. They just give up and don't try, and their daughters do the same.

  2. It is awful Daisy and sooo sad... I wanted nothing more than to be self sufficient and I work hard to look after Valentina and myself. It's not always easy but I wouldn't want it any other way!

  3. Please remove all posts directly referring to me ... Especially photos. I will take legal action if you don't. -Andrea.

  4. I am allowed to write what I want to if it isn't slanderous. I only write the truth, I will NOT be forced to do what you want. You will have to learn to live with it, I love you Andrea and I always will. Mommy

  5. Hello Launna:
    You raise some most interesting and complex issues here which are, like most things, all the better for being in the open. It is a very sad aspect of society that, despite such advances in education, there remain those who, for whatever reason, have to rely on the State for support. In our view, for the common good, they must be supported.

  6. Hi Jane and Lance, thank you for your comment. I will never understand why people wouldn't want better for themselves and their children. I try to remain open and understanding, also without being judgmental as I have been there.


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