Taking Off My Rose Colored Glasses

I have been thinking about David... nothing new there... :).  What I have actually been thinking about is that although I would never change what I had with him when we shared the 2011 holidays together.  Hands down the best Christmas and New Years I have ever had in my whole life, nothing and I mean nothing, will ever come close to that wondrous and magical happy feeling I had then.  But... I think if I had to do the break up over again, I wouldn't stay friends.

The ups and downs I have gone through this past year and a half have been incredibly challenging, if I am being truthful and that is the only way I want to live my life, I constantly changed my mind over and over.  There were days I thought, I can do this... it's David... I can be friends no matter what.  Then there were days that I just wanted to tell him I never wanted to speak to him again.

Today, a year and a half after our romantic relationship ended, I am finally beginning to really take those rose colored glasses off ... really seeing the truth and not what I want to see.  First off and my David would be the first to say this, he isn't perfect, he makes mistakes, he can be insensitive without realizing it, he can say the wrong thing thinking he is helping... I needed to see that for myself, it makes him a little more human.  I wrote a post last year about how I finally took David off the pedestal I had him on and I did but I still didn't see the flaws he had... the ones we all have.

Part of me even thought I didn't deserve to have him, he has high ideals and I have messed up royally, over and over...  It's not true though, I did deserve to be with him, just because I made wrong choices throughout my life doesn't mean I shouldn't be loved by someone good, kind and caring. 

I haven't stopped loving my David, I probably never will but I no longer think... wow, I got to date David, I got to really fall in love with him... I actually think... wow, we had the most happy, honest and open relationship and David gave that up... I feel sad for him.  He lost someone special, me... someone who would love him and never give up on him, that is a big loss, that doesn't come around often in life. I could see the potential of us... he could not and that is a bigger loss...

This has been the most difficult thing I have ever done, staying friends with someone I love and not being able to be with him... I cannot even begin to explain how sad and overwhelming it was and can still be... I guess that is why most people that end a relationship, end the friendship too...  Now that we have got through most of the rough spots I am grateful that we worked through it and I would never want to lose his friendship now.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future

18 comments :

  1. Launna, thank you for this. I agree with you that a clean break is often for the best, but it is a most difficult process. Mine was a totally different relationship than yours with David, but I was actually appalled when SB asked if we could eventually be friends. That seemed like the last thing I would ever want to endure when all was said and done.

    xx
    LuLu
    Breakfast After 10

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  2. Thank you LuLu... I stayed friends with my David because I love him and frankly I thought I had lost enough in my life... I wasn't prepared to lose him totally.... It was really painful to continue the friendship but now it would hurt even more to lose him....:/

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  3. It's VERY hard to stay friends in that situation. When I did my counseling internships, the counselors that I worked under always were very adamant that it's not possible to do that and remain happy. Just some food for thought my friend...

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  4. The last quote applies more in loving and losing someone and it is always great and jovial to know that your relationship with David is so strong!!

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  5. Thank you Keith... I would have to agree with you but my David and I have worked through most of the really hard stuff... I wouldn't recommend anyone doing this though... it really is very painful:/

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  6. Thank you Sangay... my David and I work very hard to maintain our friendship... it'd never easy though but it is worth it :-D

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  7. I was in a similiar situation several years ago. Trying to maintain friendship when I still longed to be in that man's arms nearly tore me in half. Finally I had to make a clean break. It was really hard, and I still think fondly of him, but I see it was for the best. He was like a drug and I couldn't get off of him. Even now I hear whispers and know to stay away so I don't damage my feelings anymore. I hope that you can make a clean break if you feel it is the best thing for you and your emotional life.

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  8. Thank you Joy... I'm going to stay friends... I think we got through the worst part... David's my best friend and frankly I would be lost without him now. If I was going to make a clean break, I should have done it in the beginning...:/

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  9. I think that would be a very difficult thing to do, to break off a romance with someone and remain friends. More power to you for being able to do that, but I'm not sure that I could.

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  10. I so not think I could ever do that. I think it is best to make a clean break. But then again, perhaps this is what is causing the rosé colored glasses to come off. It is good that you realize he lost something valuable in you.<3 this.

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  11. Hi this is a lovely blog honey I think we should follow on GFC and Bloglovin? what do you think?
    let me know I'll follow back for sure
    New post is up on my blog you should have a look :)
    oxoxoxo
    Marie

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  12. Thank you Daisy, it has been difficult but I am really hoping we made it through the hard part... my David is very important to me...

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  13. Thank you Jamie... my David lost a lot losing me... :)

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  14. Hi Marie, I will certainly follow you :)

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  15. Thank you Marie, I will definitely check out your posts :)

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  16. Breaks are always hard but if you really need to break a relation ship even though it hurts you finally realise its the best thing you can do, you both will always great memories of all the momments you have lived toguether.
    Best wishes
    Devera

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  17. Thank you Cris... I appreciate the comment... not sure I could handle a total break... much too painful... :/

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