The only thing that matters now is my mission. Nothing will stand in the way anymore.
I am on my own tonight, that has not happened for a very long time... because my Cindy has been ill, I have Valentina all the time. She used to spend a night at Cindy's house at least once per week, sometimes more... tonight Cindy was able to take her as I am participating in my 5K tomorrow. I am excited that the day will finally be here, I plan to go to bed early and try to get as much rest as possible... I went for my last practice today and I am thrilled to say I kept my mile at an average of 14:42 per mile with a really large hill and another incline. I don't want to make it easy for myself, that would be going on the track which is not what most 5K's are about.
In having this night for myself, I have time to think about things... It makes me wonder if what I always knew to be true was? Or was it what I wanted it to be? This past couple of weeks have opened my eyes in ways that I never knew they could be... I wrote the letter I needed to write but I haven't sent it... part of me wants to and the other part feels like it will finalize everything... What if I am not able to handle where the letter will take me? What if it puts me in a place I can't come back from? What if it changes everything?
Lately I am feeling like I have no one to just be myself with, everyone has so much going on, my Cindy is ill, really ill... I am very worried about her. My David is busy with healing and other things, how I wish he and I could chat, I know it could change how I am feeling. He always makes me laugh, he makes me see the sides of things I sometimes miss. He is my best friend and he knows me inside out, no one knows me that well and I doubt that I would ever let anyone know me that well again.
I am off to bed, I need to be up at 6:00 am as I need to be downtown for 8:00 am. I will post the results tomorrow. I am hoping to keep it under 46:00 minutes, I won't be running the whole thing but I will be walking as fast as possible, maybe next year I will be able to run the whole thing. I had a lot of weight I wanted to take off before I could actually run, it wouldn't have been good for my knees to put all that pressure on them, they are now starting to heal. By next year I think they will be back to normal.
Thank you everyone for all the kind and encouraging words you have all given me, I am extremely grateful. This path I am on, the one to get healthy is one I will be on for the rest of my life and I am happy for that. I am thankful that I finally see how important it is to eat healthy and to exercise too... I needed to do both together to be successful.
I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥