The Bigger The Challenge, The Bigger The Gift

I just don't know how I can be so happy, yet so sad... how is that possible?  When I'm focused on eating healthy and exercising I seem to be able to keep things together.  It's after I curl up in bed and think about things that the tears come and I cry... I'm sad at these times.

I laid in bed last night... questioning the tears and the sadness... wondering how to get passed them all.  Usually I go for a walk/jog in the evening; I guess so that I can exhaust myself so I can sleep.  I skipped my walk last night so that I would be rested enough to finally walk across the bridge this morning.

In doing this I ended up laying here with all these thoughts in my head.... ones that made me cry.  I just don't understand how I can honestly be happy and motivated when it comes to living a healthy life.  I am so in the zone... I really have never been this focused on me and my health in this way.

Yet, I'm so incredibly sad, I can't even put it all into words... I don't even think there are enough words... I feel like the sadness could consume me if I let it and I have been doing everything possible to get through it.  The more I think about it the more I walk, for instance last night I cried myself to sleep, this morning I got up and I walked almost 4 miles, I made it over the bridge... I breathed deeply and I did not look over the side.  This was not enough for me, I came home and I had to go to church to meet with my Bishop.  I walked both ways... which was a little over 3 miles. 

 
I am exhausted, maybe I can sleep tonight and not cry myself to sleep... When I went to see my Bishop, it was with the intent to get myself together but as I talked to him, I begin to think I wasn't ready yet... I am not committed that way... I want to be, I just don't know if I can be... For now... I will continue to go to church and make those decisions later.  I have a lot on my plate right now, more than I have divulged here.  I may or may not write it all here in time... knowing me, I will... when the time is right.

Hopefully when I have a breakthrough and come to the other side... or at least when I feel strong enough... I will be able to talk about it all .  I often wonder if I will get through this challenge and look back and think it was difficult but it was exactly what I needed to get to the next level...  I think that is what the tough lessons are about, the ones I need to be the most grateful for... they are the ones that help us to grow the most.  It is like my exercising, the harder I work, the better the results... when I am first opting for a walk I think I won't go for too long and I will take small breaks but instead I push myself to continue and push hard... It is the only way I will see good results.

The bigger the challenge, the bigger the gift... it is just so hard to see it when I am going through the big challenge... I guess that is why we don't see the gift, we just have to persevere and the gift will eventually happen...
I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future

34 comments :

  1. Replies
    1. You welcome. I always forget you reply bk to comments

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    2. Yes Laney, I always reply back to them... unfortunately they don't work they way they should all the time:)

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  2. I'm sorry to hear you're in a down mode. It really does take a long time to heal....keep exercising and getting strong both physically and spiritually, and the changes will come, I promise.

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    1. Thank you Marcia, I won't give up the exercise, this is something I will do forever... I am looking forward to the changes... I just want to feel happier:)

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  3. I don't know why you are sad. It makes me sad for you. At least the exercise is helping some. It is good for you, just don't overdo and hurt yourself.

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    1. Thank you Betty... I do have to watch myself and not overdue it I am giving myself a little break today and busing the whole way, I will use the bike at work ;)

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  4. you are right :) hope you will feel amazing tomorrow :D

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    1. Thank you Inge, I hope you feel amazing today too :)

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  5. Darlin I'm sure that everything will go better for you, you have an angel soul <3
    Hugs and kisses

    Carolina

    www.the-world-c.blogspot.com

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    1. Carolina, you always make me smile with the sweet comments you leave on my blog... than you so much:)

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  6. I think it's important to allow yourself to "feel" the sadness when it comes and not try to stifle it...I think that feeling it and allowing it will result in the sadness eventually going away forever ;)

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    1. Thank you Keith, I totally agree... hopefully one day it will go away but stifling it is never the way to go:)

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  7. Your blog has inspired me and I am sure that you have inspired a lot more people too. I have faith that you will be able to over come the sadness by dealing with it and becoming stronger even more:)

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    1. Awe, thank you Munir... that is so sweet of you to say:)

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  8. Fico imensamente feliz quando tudo
    se encaminha para a luz do bem e da verdade.
    Quando tudo , que eu acredito esta acontecendo comigo.
    Eu vejo a luz no final
    do túnel iluminando minha saída para um mundo
    risonho e muito mais feliz .
    Eu acredito na paz , que existe no amor
    e na verdade.
    Quando olhar à sua volta e só enxergar somente problemas,
    busque a verdade, que esta dentro do seu coração.
    Amigos verdadeiros é como anjos da guarda
    enviado dos céus , todos criados por Deus.
    Agradeço a Deus cada laço de amizade ,
    que eu criei nesse mundo.
    Hoje desfruto do amor e
    da bondade de vocês.
    Deus esteja sempre contigo
    nessa caminha longa das nossas vidas.
    Um abençoado final de semana,
    beijos e meu carinho hoje e sempre ,Evanir.

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    1. Translation:

      I am immensely happy when everything
      moves towards the light of goodness and truth.
      When all that I believe is happening to me.
      I see the light at the end
      tunnel illuminating my exit for a world
      brighter and much happier.
      I believe in peace, there is love in
      and truth.
      When you look around and only see only problems,
      seek the truth, which is inside of your heart.
      True friends are like guardian angels
      heaven-sent, all created by God.
      I thank God every bond of friendship,
      I created this world.
      Today enjoy the love and
      the goodness of you.
      God be with you always
      this long walk of our lives.
      A blessed weekend,
      kisses and my love today and always, Evanir.




      Thank you Evanir, I am working on seeing the good... most times it works wonderfully... sometimes it is not always enough. I don't wallow... I just need to let it out a little at a time :)

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  9. You're stronger than you realize. I'm sorry you're going through some hard times, but this too shall pass.

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    1. Thank you Susan... we each have difficult times, you are right this too shall pass :)

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  10. A kiss to you my special friend <3
    Love

    Carolina

    www.the-world-c.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you Carolina, you are one of the sweetest people :)

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  11. someone used to tell me what doesn't kill you makes you strong. Yep...I've become strong but I don't want anymore tests to make me even stronger. :) Have a great weekend Launna....

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    1. Thank you Nikki... I don't want anymore tests to make me stronger either... apparently we have no say :)

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  12. You do the best as you can and love who you really are. You doing so wonderful lost so many pounds already. For now just thinking of eat healthy forget about the work out for the moment, don't put yourself too hard then it wont make you happy. Please slowing down and think all the positive. I give you lots of credit that you've had done so far Launna:) Big hugs and sweet kisses from me!

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

    Tanya

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    1. Thank you Tanya... you are a doll, I love every comment you leave :)

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  13. I wish you strength Launna, but I have no doubt you'll get to it :).

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    1. Thank you Petronela... for believing in me <3

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  14. I just wanted to stop by to cheering you up. You are an amazing person. You're not alone Launna, We all have pain and dealing with the tougher time, I've been there done that. Things will get better, I promise you that darling!

    Have relax yourself weekend.

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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    1. Awe thank you Tanya... I have been so busy with work, walking and catching up on my blogging that I haven't had a moment to blog... You are so very sweet girl, thank you:)

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  15. Sometimes it's okay to be sad and it's not a bad thing. I hope you feel better though. Thank you for all your positive, supportive comments on my blog.

    xo,
    Mariamma

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    1. Thank you Mariamma... I really appreciate the comment from you :)

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  16. I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing so much sadness, Launna. Grief, for whatever reason, has its own timetable and everyone deals with it differently. I hope it will lift for you soon and that you start feeling more joy than sadness.

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    1. Thank you Daisy... I am working on feeling more joy, I put all my sadness into walking...

      I hope that your move goes well for you, it can be stressful but it will be wonderful once it is all done and you are settled into the new place:)

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