Loss Versus Gain

The only thing that matters now is my mission.  Nothing will stand in the way anymore.

When I feel the need to write, I rarely come up with the title of the post first but today as I was logging in to start reading the blogs I follow... I suddenly thought I need to write about loss versus gains.  As of yesterday, it has been 14 weeks since I started my journey of investing and believing in myself and to date I have lost lost 45 pounds.  I know some people fear it is a lot of weight to lose in a short amount of time, however; people really shouldn't worry, I keep in close contact with my doctor.   There were many times over the years that I would join Weight Watchers and in six months I would lose 60 pounds, just from eating healthy... this time I am using Fitness Pal which is my Weight Watchers without the cost.  I just need to be accountable somewhere about my food... this helps me to be successful.

The difference with the losses I have had in the past is that I never incorporated exercise into the mix... and not just exercising once or twice a week, I mean exercising four to six times per week.  Especially since I am 50 years old, I really had to drastically change my life... the weight was not going to come off by just eating a little better and exercising once or twice a week... I had to change my life totally... a complete 180 degree turn.  I know, everyone is saying, isn't that difficult?  You bet it was, this change has probably been one of the biggest and hardest changes in my life but I cannot begin to tell you how amazing it feels to take control of your own life.  Also, I am diversifying with my walking by starting up Zumba and Yoga eventually (once my knees can handle holding the poses).
I started at the Canada Games Center last night... it was great once I got into it.. first I had to sign up, pay, get my picture taken (eww), which cut into my exercise time.  Then we finally got into get changed, I had brought the wrong exercise pants (I picked up Valentina's by mistake... we both have black leggings and of course I do not fit into hers...)  Then I thought oh well, I will just walk in my jeans...  I then went to lock everything up and the lock I had bought was too big and would not fit.  I became frustrated and thought forget this... I took all of our items out and decided to sit outside the pool to wait for Valentina.  Someone at the front desk noticed I was frustrated and took the time to find out why, they advised I could borrow one of their locks for the evening.  So, off I went walking... it was beyond hot on the track and much different than I am used to from walking outside. I will remember my exercise pants in the future... I flew around the track, lap after lap, listening to music... thinking about somethings that have had my mind in a tizzy lately.

I have to say 30 minutes on the track felt like an hour long walk outside, I am going to have to dig deeper than I have ever dug in my life to make my gym experience successful.  When I am walking outside, I just walk a fair distance from my house and I have no choice but to walk back to it... there is no stopping in the middle.  If I want to get home, I have to walk home... with the track, I have to force myself to keep doing laps, I need to find something deep inside myself that won't allow myself to give up... just because I hit 30 minutes.  I know I can walk for 50 or 60 minutes, I have done this regularly and I have done it quite quickly... My 5K is coming up in a couple of weekends and I really need to make sure I am waking a 5K regularly so that I will do well when I participate.

So, loss versus gain, after talking with my David last night, this came to mind... I have lost a great deal of weight and I have gained a great deal of confidence.  I told my David last night that he lost a great deal by losing me, I put a little hehe after it but I was very serious.  He agreed but I don't think he realizes how much he has lost... one day it will come to him.  We talked about how close we are, how much we laugh together, how we can say anything to each other, how nothing is off limits. I also brought up the fact that it had been really hard and painful to get to this point in our relationship, how sometimes I felt it might not be worth it but that today I was grateful that we had made it through.  He said that is what friends do for each other... then I said to him, I don't think you understand that most people who date as intensely as we dated, make it back to the friendship stage.  However; I did tell him that I was grateful that we were different and special enough to each other that we didn't give up.
For there were many times over the past year and a half that I thought I just couldn't do it... luckily we do love each other, not in the same way... but there is definite love between us and there is total respect.  No one gets me like he does ... neither one of us trusts anyone as much as we trust each other.  I think of us as soul mates, we are like each others second halves... it's not that we are not whole on our own because I think we are, we just compliment each other, we understand and get each other. I just needed to learn my worth to realize that although I lost David romantically... he lost much more by letting me go.  I have come to that point in my life where I have gained so much confidence that I won't settle, just to be with someone... I don't feel it is worth it just to date someone.  Some guy would have to come along and be so special and prove that he was worth taking a chance on... there are not many of those guys around the older I get.... Oh well, I am not worried about it, it just isn't important anymore.

I have lost a great deal of weight but truthfully I have gained more than I ever thought I would with finally believing my worth.
I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future  

30 comments :

  1. I think it's wonderful you got back to the spot you're in with your friend, David. Friendships like that are VERY hard to come by, and worth protecting and nurturing for a lifetime.

    Maybe to make you forget you're walking you could get an audio book to go through earphones? They have them at the library to borrow. Just a thought.

    Good luck w/your continued journey for living healthy! Sounds like you're totally on the right track.

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    1. Thank you Rosey, David and I are certainly worth the hard work and effort... some days more than others... :) I know he reads my blog sometimes... I often wonder what he thinks of me writing so much about him... :)

      I listen to music which I love doing... I just have to get past the fact that it a track and make decision on how long I will walk and just walk that time:)

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  2. Great post!!! I wish you luck with this new race in your life"

    xoxo!

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    1. Thank you Fashion Lover... I am loving this change in my life, it feels amazing :)

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    1. Thank you Lauren, Fitness Pal is awesome :)

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  4. You are doing great, Launna! I'm glad that someone came to help you with the lock so that you were able to walk after all. Next time you go, I bet the experience will be even better with the right clothes and a lock that fits and having time to exercise instead of getting registered and so forth. Listening to music or a book on tape as was suggested above would be good ways to pass the time while walking too.

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    1. Thank you Daisy, Valentina went swimming today and I took the opportunity to walk outside... it felt wonderful ... woo hoo... I will figure out the track thing for sure, I want to continue to be so successful and it will only happen with exercise as a huge part of my life :)

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  5. Beautiful post Launna
    Your strength and bravery and determination shine through

    I want to thank you for all the thoughtful comments and support you have shown me
    I am so grateful to have met such a caring person, thank you

    With love,

    Ruby x

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    1. Ruby, you inspire me, you touch my heart, you make me want to show you how beautiful the other side can be...

      Thank you for letting me into your life a little... I don't have your issues, yet you let me ramble with you and I appreciate that... I must say, I have come to a greater understanding of your illness because of you, Kaitie and Rebecca :-/

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  6. I am so happy you got the lock and were able to work out. I was afraid you were going to not get to work out on your first trip which would have been sad.

    I love the fact that you are figuring out how valuable you are. I think David is going to regret the fact that he let you go someday. I also feel like now that you know your value other men are going to see it too. I bet there will be one of those great guys that comes along and wants to be a part of your life.

    I also love that you are showing Valentina that you are worth so much more and she will be able to understand her own value.

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    1. Thank you Betty... I am positive that some man will have to work extremely hard to prove he is worth my time... I won't come easy to him and he will have to deal with the fact that David and I will always be close friends... Not sure some guy would be up to that... Saying all that, any woman in David's life will have to deal with the fact that I am there and I am not going anywhere :)

      Back to the gym tomorrow, Valentina went swimming... I got to go for a walk outdoors and I totally enjoyed it :)

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  7. Wow, you are doing so wonderful launna, lost 45 lbs.? Wow, its amazing that you are on your way! seems you doing really well. What a great done. I wish you all the best of what everything that you are working on. You deserve it all.

    xx

    http://www.attraction2fashion.com

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    1. Awe, thank you so much Tanya... you are so sweet and kind ;-)

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  8. I am so happy for you. Loosing weight for health reasons and in a healthy way is great. Keep up. Just make sure that you are not loosing too much energy.

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    1. Thank you Munir, I am taking care... I give myself breaks here and there... just not too many, I want to be successful :)

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  9. Another magnificent post! Great read! And I love to come back!

    Regards,
    Katherine Unique

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    1. Thank you so much Katherine, I love reading your comments ;-)

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  10. Wow! you are doing a great job..and the confidence..well that's much needed in these days as people often start to take your softness as your weakness.

    Great job and yeah! walking on treadmill is worse than walking outside.

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    1. Thank you Namrata... I'm working hard... and walking outside is so much more fun... you are right ;-)

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  11. your attitude and progress are inspirational - keep these up!!

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    1. Thank you Vett... I'm working on it... it feels great ;-)

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  12. You get two thumbs up with a twist!! Be strong!

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    1. Thank you so much Kc... that is so sweet ;-)

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  13. Hey :)
    Your blog is really great-i love it so much. Maybe you're interested in following each other ? I would love it <3 Pls let me know in a comment on my blog
    kisses, atrophié ♥

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    1. Hi Atrophie, I just looked at your blog... your pictures today matched my mood...

      I am following you on GFC and also requested you on Instagram...

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  14. That's wonderful. I love that last line. I'm going to have to check out Fitness Pal since I am very familiar with WW. I need a free something that helps me keep track of what I'm eating. I always did better when I saw what it was adding up to. I rarely have my post title until I'm done writing. Sometimes the post is ready and can't think of a title. I hate that. Yours is perfect for this one.

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    1. Thank you Kenya... Fitness Pal is to me what Weight Watchers was... without any cost and I am grateful for that...

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I love and appreciate all genuine comments, to save a little time, I won't be commenting on the comments on my blog (unless you don't have a blog), I will just visit your blog and comment there, if you have left a meaningful comment for me... I would much rather spend the time reading and commenting on a few extra blogs ❤