My Emotions Are A Facade

I was thinking how I've covered my feelings so well and buried my emotions.  Yesterday was proof that although I thought I'd been handling it well, that was all a facade.  At least when I fall apart now it is only for a short time, it has an ending.

In the past, falling apart meant wondering if I could ever feel happiness again. Now I see that things will improve in the same day, usually the same hour.   Yesterday was a little longer, I let myself fly solo down memory lane.  I sometimes think it is so cruel of myself to let myself go there when I know it will bring me sadness and pain.  Then I think if I don't figure out a way to deal with it, I'll never be truly happy with myself.

I keep thinking that Heavenly Father wants me to know that He loves me and that I'm supposed to have joy in my life.  I find this all so difficult when I bury memories instead of dealing with them.  I buried them for a reason though, I couldn't handle them, it hasn't got any better. How am I ever going to deal with them if the tears never stop when I think of certain memories?  Maybe it's just too soon, hopefully I'll be ready one day.

Today has been a better day but that's only because I didn't allow myself to think, I kept myself very busy at work.  I am really grateful for work, it is challenging and it keeps my mind off my personal life which is a mess at the moment. 

I just keep trying to figure out how I can make certain areas of my life work?  When it comes to my job, although it is beyond challenging, I make that work.  It can be highly stressful but it works for me because I love my job, I love to help clients with their issues and I gain a great deal of satisfaction from solving the issues they have. 

Also, although my house is in a massive disarray at the moment, I know the potential it has and I am truly thankful for the place I have to live.  When I went apartment hunting for this place, I had written a list of what I wanted... within 2 months I found this place.   Everyone said I could not find what I wanted for the price.  I proved them wrong.

If I could just make my personal life work...  that always hinges on other people though...

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield


  1. Hello Launna:
    As we counsel frequently, try not to return to the past too often for the moment. Concentrate on the here and now and allow your work to absorb your time and thoughts. Perhaps in addition, make a concrete plan to sort the apartment in stages to how you wish it to be.

  2. Thank you Jane and Lance, I'm going to take all of next week to organize my home. I know this will greatly help my mood:)

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