There is a quote from Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas that says, "If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."
I read this quote above tonight and it really made me think and ponder, I really want to bring forth what is in me for I do not want it to destroy me. I can see that truly happening, it's kind of like if you hold back love because of fear, it could actually destroy you in the end.
I know I've said that I don't want to open my heart again to love because it's too painful, besides I cannot imagine loving anyone more than I love my David. This quote reminded me that although I want to give up on love for fear of being hurt, if I don't want that to destroy me, I have to let myself love again.
I know deep down I'm strong, I'm just not sure I'm strong enough for that... I want to be, really I do. Although I'm happy in my life, I'm deeply afraid of being hurt beyond repair. I never thought David could or would break my heart but he did. Even though he didn't mean to, it was extremely painful and sad for me.
How do I allow myself to feel again? How do I believe it is possible? If I do, will the pain be inevitable and overwhelming or could I actually find that special someone to love me? Do I have enough room in my heart to love anyone but David?
I don't know the answers but I'm going to try to let my heart love again as afraid of that as I am.
Fear is a guest in your house that has over stayed its welcome. ~ Larry Hochman
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield