I want peace as we all do, peace will bring happiness even when things don't go the way we want them to go... I remember a day in my life, it was January 25, 1995... I had gone to the store to buy a chair for my nanny, I was doing many errands for her and I was grateful that I was able to do these things for her. I purchased the chair and had it set up for delivery and then I stopped to call her from a payphone (cell phones were not the norm then) to tell her I had acquired the chair, then I told her I would talk to her soon.
I kept calling her and then I started begging God that she was okay, I cried, I was fearful.. finally I stopped and prayed that I would be able to accept and handle whatever the outcome was and I felt at peace. A friend came by and she drove me down to my nanny's place, I had a key and when I opened the door she was on the carpet and she had passed away. I was heartbroken because she had always been there for me all of my life when Ruth my ex step mother made life unbearable, my nanny's house was a refuge. I went through the grieving process but I never forgot the calm peace that came to me when I prayed that I could accept the outcome.
I am kind of going through that again with my David, he's alive but I am grieving the loss of what we had and what we could have had. I have been in that panicky begging mode for so long because I know the huge potential he and I could have for happiness, love and joy... unfortunately he couldn't see it and when I thought about that day when I prayed for acceptance for what I would have to deal with, I knew that I would have to pray for acceptance with David too. Otherwise I will always be in a state of grief over him forever.
That is not my purpose though, maybe I had to lose my David as the love of my life to realize that I have a much higher purpose, one I don't even understand yet but I will one day.... I want peace in my life and the only way is acceptance. Another day of crying, more like sobbing but that is a part of acceptance. I will get there one day and sooner rather than later.
I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥