I had an amazing thought last night, a light bulb moment if you will, where I got an answer I've been perplexed by for a long time. So here's what happened, I have a new blog reader who is very sweet and comments often. She commented on one of my older blogs 'My One And Only'. She said how some loves were meant to be and would find a way to come full circle. I commented back that mine would not have that fairy tale ending and while the comment I sent back was nice enough, I was disappointed to say my fairy tale wouldn't have a happy ending.
Next I was listening to the song 'It Feels Like Home' and I was crying but suddenly listening to the words made me think differently about them and the song actually makes me smile now. I used to feel like it was a song of loss for me but now I feel it is a song of hope. I felt like I was never going to be able to enjoy it again without sobbing. Than I realized I was thinking of it the wrong way, it's not a sad song at all, it's a romantic love song that gives hope.
This all lead me to my light bulb moment and to think about how important it is to forgive yourself and each other, not to mention giving ourselves a break. You're probably wondering how I got to here from there. So, it all ties together for me because I have been holding onto disappointment that I need to forgive myself for and move on. The song reminded me that just because things aren't the way I want them to be, doesn't mean that things aren't the way they should be. I want to forgive myself for holding onto dreams, disappointments and sadness. I want to celebrate that time, I have wonderful memories, ones that can never be taken away. I feel grateful, grateful that I can see the blessing of forgiving me and freeing myself from those feelings.
I've had to forgive people along the way, some more difficult than others. The hardest ones are the people closest to you. It's not even people like my ex step mother Ruth or my ex husband Andrey (I have forgiven them, they hold no power over me). It's forgiveness for people I care about that matters. Tonight I realized there is nothing that two people cannot overcome if they care enough about each other, those people are the ones that make me feel like I am home when I am with them.
I also realized that some things just don't work out, it's okay, that doesn't mean I should value myself any less. So, another forgiveness to myself is due to my not loving or valuing myself enough. Which is foolish, I need to remember that I deserve the best; not someone who can't be committed to me 100 percent, like I would be with them. I forgive myself for de valuing me. I forgive myself for believing for one minute that anyone had/has the power to make me happy. I am the only one who can do that!
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield