Freedom Is The Path I Choose

 Have you ever sat down to write something and been certain what you wanted to say, only to find that while you are trying to write something, it keeps going in another direction? This rarely happens to me as I get an idea, I start to write and it just comes out. Of course there are times it is more clear then others but I rarely struggle to get my point across. Tonight I struggled, I wrote a whole post and after I finished I read it and it was the most disjointed writing I have done in a long time. Usually I have one idea, this time I had two different ones that didn't really work with each other if that makes any sense?

 

Instead I felt the need to write about challenges, last week I wrote about how I was finally ready to forgive a woman who I don't even know personally that has gone out of her way to hurt me in any way she could through lies... truly forgiving her has helped me a great deal this week... when I thought about her, normally I would become angry and frustrated, this week I took her for what she was an insecure woman who has no trust, I actually felt sorry for her and I had pity.. how sad must it be that she isn't happy enough with herself that she feels the need to bring other people down?

Although I have a long road ahead of me, I am now on the right path... it bothered me that I had such difficulty getting passed the feelings I had for her when I have forgiven many people in my life that have hurt me a great deal... I intellectually understood that true forgiveness is really to free ourselves but for some reason emotionally I held on to the thoughts I had of her... thinking by forgiving her it was saying what she has said and continues to say about me is okay... Today I no longer care, they are lies and I  have no need to prove her wrong... the truth will come out and it won't even be by me. 

It was like when my ex step mother Ruth was abusive physically and emotionally to me and my sisters... when I forgave her and moved on, I no longer wanted to get revenge on her for the pain she caused me, I knew that it would come, I didn't wish it and I wanted no part in it... that is how I am feeling about that woman today... It was difficult for me to realize my part in this for the past couple of years, by holding on to her, I was drawing all her negativity and lack of self worth to me... 

I always thought I was so good at forgiving people, until she became a part of my life... and I took on that mentality that since she had wronged me and lied about me... I had a right to defend myself and prove to her that she was wrong... who cares what she thinks of me, she isn't going to change her mind about me, she wants to dislike me and there is nothing I can do or say to change that,  I can only change my mind... which I have done...

Although I don't need or want certain people in my life that have hurt me greatly... I choose to forgive them and have compassion for them even. If I could not forgive these people, who am I to expect this for myself? ... I am sure I have hurt someone a long the way in my life, I don't think I have done it on purpose but indirectly I am sure I have... I would hope that I could be forgiven too... I know some people will say or think that when someone goes out of their way to hurt you, that it's harder to let that go, I think it is needed even more then...  It honestly has brought about a path of freedom I forgot even existed and taught me that forgiveness is a form of love and a choice I make... 

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Soaring Above My Past With Forgiveness

 

The New Year always brings reflection, hope, change...  I was reading an article the other day and I saw the above quote, I have seen it many times before but it resonated with me in a way it never had before. I have talked about how important it is to forgive others, I can honestly say I have forgiven many people for the hurt and pain they inflicted on me or others I love... Yet there is one person that I have not forgiven until now, she has done more damage in my life than anyone I know, she has caused me a great deal of sadness and she continues to watch me, I know this as she accidentally follows my pages on social media. 

 

I continued to react to her for the last couple of years, until recently I decided that honestly she isn't worth any reaction, thought or feeling. It is not my place to judge her for what she does and doesn't deserve, it's my place to forgive her and move on. She has taken up too much time and energy in my mind for the past couple of years, I realized she was getting the drama she craved, I will no longer waste another moment of my time thinking about her.  She is nothing to me... for 2016 I am forgiving her and moving on... I suggest she does the same but that will be her decision. 

Saying all this, I took some time to think about that quote and how I needed to stop wishing the past was any different... I know that I had held on to that hope way too long, so long that it just depressed me. Just because something didn't work out the way it should have doesn't mean that it shouldn't have, it just means we all have our free agency and we just have to move on from decisions good or bad. Besides, the choices we all make have consequences, that is how life works. I don't want to be the girl who draws negative energy or drama, I am not that girl, nor do I ever want to be. 

I want this to be the year that I soar, the year I make positive changes that take me in a direction that will bring me joy. I have a couple of ideas in mind to get me there, this was the first thing I needed to do, until I REALLY forgive her and move on, I will never get to the next level... and I WANT to get to the next level, I deserve that and honestly so does she but that will be her choice. I am going to stop wishing the past could have been different, it isn't and no amount of wishing will change it....

One day, I will have the answers to my questions but today I am putting them away and moving on and learning the art of letting go... I have talked about it in the past, even thought I was ready to do it, thought being the operative word... today I am ready... I want to feel that power of freedom, it's a gift I want to give myself... I know I am ready because it is a gift I want to give her too... I hope she accepts it. 

I don't make resolutions in the New Year, I am of the mind that when I find something I want to change, I do it then... specific dates never work for me, I just have to do it... I alone hold myself back, it is a hard pill to swallow when I admit the truth, no one holds me back but me... Life is an ever learning process, sometimes incredibly hard but the truth is without those difficult challenges, we would never be able to become our best selves... I want the hard edges sanded off to soften me even if it's painful... because that is where I will soar.

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An Open Heart Forgives

I need to write about forgiveness, I have written about it many times but it has been on my mind a lot lately. I often think how grateful I am that I understand that forgiveness is not so much for the other person as it is to free our hearts and ourselves from an unhealthy relationship or situation.

I thought I had this down, I learned this concept when I was 15 years old, I was living with my ex step mother Ruth and it was pretty unbearable. She was physically and verbally abusive. I was filled with anger towards her when one day I felt the need to pray, what I prayed for was just to be free of her, I wished her no harm, I just didn't want her to have control over me. I prayed every night, in six months I was free.

Whenever I would come up against a challenge that entailed another person, I always took the forgiveness route because I did not want, nor do I want anyone to have that kind of control over me. I have friends that don't let go of it because they have felt wronged... which is true but holding on to being right and proving your point only holds you to the person all the more.

That's why this last week I have been thinking about how I need to be reminded of what I have learned and know from past experience. There is someone in my life that I need to forgive, I don't necessarily have to say it to her but for myself I need to forgive her. Part of me held back forgiving her because I thought I was in the right. Then I had a light bulb moment or an ah ha moment where it doesn't matter if I am right, what matters is that until I forgive her, she will be a part of my life and frankly I don't want that to happen.

I spent this weekend thinking about it and I realized how toxic it was for me to hold on to prove I was right, that she had intentionally wronged me to put herself in a good light. The fact that she did is neither here nor there ... what matters is that I forgive her and move on. Maybe if I forgive her, she will be able to move on too... I think we both need that.

Since I am choosing to rise above the challenges that I have dealt with and the ones that will come to me, I knew that until I could forgive her and wish her happiness, that I would not be able to grow to the next level. I do believe that forgiveness starts inside our heart which opens our mind and that frees us from being held back.

I am feeling lighter already, I don't want the burden of being right to hold me back from being the best person that I can be. I hope that the next time a challenge comes up like this one that I will remember quicker and waste less time holding on to the need to be right... remembering to keep my heart open to forgiveness.

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Challenges Can Turn Into Rewards

I wondered what would get me out of the funky mood I was in... I almost made one of the biggest mistakes of my life because I was sad... I forgot to remember that the future isn't written yet and I can change the outcome by changing my present.  Luckily I was prompted not to make a decision and I actually listened to it... believe me I am one of those people that usually has to be hit by brick to hear those promptings.

If I hadn't listened I could have hurt two people, one of them being me.  I am NOT the kind person that tries to or wants to hurt anyone... I am the girl who will do whatever she can not to hurt or upset another person. Even when people hurt me, I don't look for ways to hurt them...  I usually just let it go and move on, mainly because I don't think it is for me to even the score, it is for me to forgive. If you read my blog regularly, you know that I don't hold malice or anger towards people that have either intentionally or unintentionally hurt me. 

I will tell you this though, look out if you hurt my family or my very good friends, that is where I need to learn to forgive.  I have a problem with anyone who could hurt someone I love and it makes me cry, the people that are my family or my close friends are good and kind people and when I see someone go out of their way to cause any pain to them, it takes everything within me not to lash out at them. I know I need to learn to be more forgiving that way but for me, that is the hardest one.

I keep reminding myself that it is not up to me to dole out punishment... It just hurts me so much more when someone that I love is being hurt over and over and they are a good and kind person that does not deserve to be continually hurt.  I don't know what to tell these people who no matter how loving and wonderful they are that unfortunately challenges are a part of life. With me, most times I can handle the challenge, it is usually because of a choice I have made in the past.

I guess why I get so angry at people that hurt my family or close friends is because not everyone can see that forgiveness is the only way to heal and letting it go... I know this and believe I feel grateful for that knowledge I can't give that knowledge to anyone, they have to learn that on their own.  So I become sad because they are sad or hurt or angry and I want to do whatever I can to take that pain away for them... however; I can't... I just have to be there for them...

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Freedom From The Whys

Today was a MUCH  better travel trip to work, all three buses connected and I arrived there in 55 minutes... I had another good day at work, the clients and I had some great conversations and I helped fix some really big issues.  I feel like I am learning and retaining lots of things lately, it was very true what they told me when I was hired... they said that it took about six months that you stopped panicking on a call and you actually new something but that it could take up to two years to feel like you knew something.  I have been in my position for almost five years and although I get crazy questions, I am in the state that I want to know why instead of just giving an answer someone else told me to give. That feels good, that feels productive to me.... since I wondered how or why I wasn't let go in the beginning from all the mistakes I made and how slowly it took me to understand programming.

My company knows and understand that this is not an easy peasy job... it takes time, it is almost like learning a whole new language, as everything is in code and there are so many you cannot memorize them, so you just learn as each day goes by... I think it's awesome.  I love my job, I feel I am very good at it and I love that I continue to learn every single day.

So, the only thing to mar an otherwise wonderful day was that my David messaged me to tell me that his Son is having troubles again... it breaks my heart because my D is far away and he can't be here and he loves his son so much.  He really is a very good daddy, I knew there was a reason I was attracted to him when I was a teenager, I could see all those amazing qualities in him that he now possesses... He probably already had them, he just magnified them.

I will be sending out good and positive thoughts for David's son as well as prayers.  I know he won't rest until he hears some good news, my D already has too much on his plate and I am hoping for this will be one less issue he will have to deal with. 

David asked me why bad things seem to always happen to good people and why people who seem to hurt other people don't have consequences?  I understand completely where he is coming from, I have a lot of people who ask me this... First and foremost for me, I gave up questioning why?  There was never an answer, I will not understand why... second, for me to move on, I have to forgive some of those people who may have hurt me or ones that I love... otherwise I would be the one suffering by becoming bitter and angry.  I definitely have many things that I could question....

Why did I have to go through the fire?  Why did I have to grow up with an abusive ex step mother?  Why did I have to deal with being raped by Andrey?  I gave up asking all those why's because I wanted to live in the present and I didn't want the past to pull me down.  I forgave the abuse and the rape, it doesn't mean I want to have either of these people in my home for dinner... it means I can be civil to them and not let them dictate my present and future.

I didn't come to any of this easily, I had to take all the hard roads but with each trial I have endured, I have grown from them... It actually feels good to let go, it means one less thing for me to worry about... Who needs added things to worry about?  Not me and I hope we can all learn to forgive and move on, not for any of those people that may of hurt or wronged us but for ourselves, it's freeing..

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Forgiveness Will Lead You To Freedom

My day runs one into the other... lots of time to just rest and think.  I'm one of those people who enjoys some me time but I'm also a people person.  I realize though that as much as I want all the contact, I need the quiet... so that I can rest as much as possible.

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

- Katherine Ponder

 

When I read this quote above today, it reinforced within me that I don't want to hold resentment of another... I don't want to wonder why things are good for them and not for me?  I don't want to question why some people seem to escape trials while others are inundated with them.  The precise reason that I don't hold the resentment for others is that I want my freedom. 

I don't want to have those chains holding me back, so that I cannot move on.  It always makes me think when people I know don't let go of resentment... I see it as so sad, it holds back good people from becoming what they were meant to become. 

When I was 15 years old and I wanted to be free from Ruth (my abusive ex step mother)... all I did was pray that I would be free of living with her, free of her control... I wished her no harm, I never questioned why she didn't seem to pay... My prayer was answered, I was free not to live with her... it was not for me to wonder why or when she would pay.  I think no ill thoughts of her or anyone that was less then kind to me. 

I never want resentment to stunt my growth and hold me back... just as I felt when I was 15 is how I feel today... Let things go, don't be revengeful... it will never bring peace or freedom.

I cherish my past, I accept my present and I dream for my future ♥

Gaining Some Perspective Daily

This year can be summed up in two words for me, lost and lonely. This was the year I did some major soul searching, battled demons of the past to get me to a better place. I'm still on that road, a tiny bit less lost and less lonely.

I waffle daily with all the changes I have to make and stick to, it's been extremely hard.  I make a firm decision then it saddens me and I rethink it over and over. I just have to make those changes whether I think I can handle them or not.  I'm not handling my life the way that it is right now.

Ripping the band-aid off all at once is the right thing to do, right?  Covering the injury will never allow it to heal, right?  Part of me is so looking forward to the end of this year, the other part of me is so very sad that this year ended up the way that it did.

I've been feeling overwhelmed but then I read some blogs and started getting everything into perspective.  There are people who are dealing with massive health issues, depression, loss of careers.  Other than my leg my health is good, although I'm sad, I'm not in a depression and I'm lucky to have a pretty secure job.

Sometimes all we need is a little perspective. I have a friend who cannot understand how people who use or hurt other people seem to get off with it, yet people who are good, giving and kind seem to have it so much harder.  The way I have dealt with that injustice in my life is to let it go, move on and don't think bad thoughts of them... that is the only way to be free.

I just want to be free, I have felt so lost and just wandering around in circles; sometimes I wonder how I hold it all together.  Because inside I'm following apart.  I just needed a little perspective...

 

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Freedom Is Achieved By Giving It To Others

I have a need to voice my opinion since I've felt I was not allowed to have one most of my life. I'm grateful that I have this blog platform to say what I want to since this is basically my diary of my thoughts.

I have people that I am close to who feel that I don't have a right to an opinion, when I don't conform they cut me off.  Point in case, I had updated my Facebook status to state that I was grateful that the US election was over and I was thankful with how it turned out, I also wished we could all move on.

Someone close to me told me I had no right to say that if I didn't live in the US. I told them that I would defend their right to have their opinion even if it's different than mine.  I do have a right to have an opinion due to the fact that what happens in the US affects Canadians.

I was then told if I would stop sharing my opinions where they could read it, then everything would be fine with us.  REALLY, that is blackmail...  I have the right to my thoughts and opinions; I respect their right to have their opinions.  Why can people not just agree to disagree???   I don't understand!!!  I have NO animosity towards people who don't believe what I believe. 

That is what is wrong in this world, people need to understand that everyone has a right to believe what they want as long as they respect that others have that same right.  Democracy was fought for that exact reason!!   When we don't want to let others have their own opinion that is a dictatorship.

I have lost a great deal by not conforming to what this person wants.  I am saddened by this but I have been held down far too long from people like my ex step mother Ruth and my ex husband Andrey who made it difficult for me to express my feelings.  I can no longer stand by and say that it is okay. 

I have the right to think and feel the way I do, just as they have their right.  I don't argue about politics or religion since I truly believe we all have the right to choose.  I would just hope that people would afford me the same right!!!

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

You Make Me Feel Like I'm Home

I had an amazing thought last night, a light bulb moment if you will, where I got an answer I've been perplexed by for a long time.  So here's what happened, I have a new blog reader who is very sweet and comments often.  She commented on one of my older blogs 'My One And Only'.  She said how some loves were meant to be and would find a way to come full circle. I commented back that mine would not have that fairy tale ending and while the comment I sent back was nice enough, I was disappointed to say my fairy tale wouldn't have a happy ending.

Next I was listening to the song 'It Feels Like Home' and I was crying but suddenly listening to the words made me think differently about them and the song actually makes me smile now.  I used to feel like it was a song of loss for me but now I feel it is a song of hope. I felt like I was never going to be able to enjoy it again without sobbing.  Than I realized I was thinking of it the wrong way, it's not a sad song at all, it's a romantic love song that gives hope.

This all lead me to my light bulb moment and to think about how important it is to forgive yourself and each other, not to mention giving ourselves a break.  You're probably wondering how I got to here from there. So, it all ties together for me because I have been holding onto disappointment that I need to forgive myself for and move on.  The song reminded me that just because things aren't the way I want them to be, doesn't mean that things aren't the way they should be.  I want to forgive myself for  holding onto dreams, disappointments and sadness.  I want to celebrate that time, I have wonderful memories, ones that can never be taken away.  I feel grateful, grateful that I can see the blessing of forgiving me and freeing myself from those feelings.

I've had to forgive people along the way, some more difficult than others.  The hardest ones are the people closest to you.  It's not even people like my ex step mother Ruth or my ex husband Andrey (I have forgiven them, they hold no power over me).  It's forgiveness for people I care about that matters. Tonight I realized there is nothing that two people cannot overcome if they care enough about each other, those people are the ones that make me feel like I am home when I am with them. 

I also realized that some things just don't work out, it's okay, that doesn't mean I should value myself any less.  So, another forgiveness to myself is due to my not loving or valuing myself enough.  Which is foolish, I need to remember that I deserve the best; not someone who can't be committed to me 100 percent, like I would be with them. I forgive myself for de valuing me.  I forgive myself for believing for one minute that anyone had/has the power to make me happy.  I am the only one who can do that!

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Empowered

I've been thinking about my ex Andrey since he sees Valentina every week and I'm there unfortunately.  I don't like to be around him, he reminds me of too many memories.  All the name calling, the pushing, the threats and finally the rape.

All of that was hard to overcome but I have, I will never tolerate less than I deserve again. It feels great to be so strong, it reminds me of the song by Helen Reddy, 'I am woman hear me roar'.  I wrote about this song one other time.  It was after I stood up to Andrey in court.  It felt so liberating and free, I'm beginning to feel like that butterfly:).

I guess I am stronger than I think I am, I really have survived some very awful things.  I'm not going to let any of it bring me down, I am grateful for my two beautiful daughters and for amazing friends who have faith in me and believe in me.  Everyone of my good friends helped me get through all the life choices I made to deal with what Andrey had put me through. I don't need to behave so recklessly now that I've dealt with those things that I put up with from Andrey.

You know what I can say about that girl, she was sad and she felt trapped. I wish I would have known that I was free to live my life the way I wanted. I just had to make that decision and I finally did. One of the best things I ever did for myself.

Now because I know I am worth more than that, I deserve the best.  I won't settle for anything but the best.  I love that Helen Reddy song, it's a beautiful reminder of how strong we really are as women.  It's empowering!!!

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

We Are Meant To Become Butterflies

There is a butterfly inside each one of us waiting to come out; the challenge is to recognize that truth with grace and in faith to experience the transformation. ~ Danielle Coulanges

I read this quote and it brought a thought to my mind how the caterpillar goes into a cocoon, only to emerge as a wild and free butterfly.  We all go into cocoons, the thing about humans is we decide if and when we will leave the cocoon to become the beautiful free butterfly we were meant to be.  Also, I love the first quote picture above, very inspiring.

I've been in a cocoon of sorts for the past month, one of sadness and grief.  Last week I finally decided to look outside of it, I saw the dim light of hope.  Now I want to spread my wings and soar high above.  I want to be free, free from all the sadness I had inside.

The change from a caterpillar to a butterfly is never easy, it's not meant to be, otherwise we wouldn't be able to become all that we are meant to be. 

I realized something profound last night, I've always thought that I was lucky that my David re-entered my life when he did and I was but I forgot that David was even luckier to have me come into his life. He will never have another woman who will love, challenge and accept him more than I do. 

I know how lucky I was and I'm grateful, I hope my David realizes how lucky he was.  It's been a very long time for me to come to that knowledge and even harder for me to write and believe.  I believe it now though.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Freedom To Be And Breathe

I've been in a fog with my CPA course, finally done, a respectable 72%, if not the best mark, I think I did okay with everything that was going on with my life.  I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can breathe.  I'm taking 6 weeks to spend lots of time with Valentina and calling Andrea often.  I may take an accounting course in the fall,  I like accounting though:).  I also want to get caught up with my blog friends and their blogs.

I noticed today that I have over 100 followers, thank you everyone; that's a huge milestone for a personal blog.  I am really touched that so many people read and follow my blog.

Also, I really want to thank Dana for posting about how to get social media buttons on your blog, she sent me to a blog called Greatfun4kids that had it spelled out so easy, even I could make them.  They look so pretty across the top of my blog.  As well, I wanted to thank Rhodora for explaining how to add 'you may also like these links'.  Next I'm doing a full blog revamp, I'm not all that technical but I hope it turns out pretty.

This weekend I'm tweaking the inspiring blog I had and getting it posted soon.  It has really touched me, I have lots of ideas.  I did want to have everything created at the same time but I think I will just get the blog out, then create the Facebook page and work from there.

It's interesting that one thing can change your whole life on a dime.  I've had some life changing moments and they are becoming awesome even though they were difficult.  It's not easy to go through the refining process even when it ultimately makes us much better people.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

The Best Reason To Forgive~Freedom

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." ~ Catherine Ponder

What is true freedom, one thing that is most important to me is that I don't judge anyone or hold onto past pain. Yes, even Andrey, my step mother, etc, etc.  I don't want any of these people to have ANY power over me. 

I had this discussion with a friend who didn't understand why people that use and hurt others seem to be getting ahead.  When other people who would not think of using or hurting anyone seems to struggle.  The only thing I could say and mean was 'how happy or proud can that person be, knowing how they had to get ahead'?   I'll be happier in the long run, I almost feel sad for those people, happiness in the moment may be great in the short run but long term happiness is what I'm looking for. 

I want my friend to know that by holding onto resentment or disappointment only keeps you attached to them.  So I wonder if they know that and that is why they are holding on to the resentment.  That's kind of an eye opener; I have done that in my past but in the last few years I really realized that forgiveness was the only way for me to heal.  I just came to a point that I didn't want to hold on to the hurt, I became free.

For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield 

True Friends Want You To Be Yourself

"Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to-letting a person be what he really is."
~Jim Morrison

I love this quote, it is exactly what a friend is to me, I do not try to change my friends to be what I want them to be, I accept and love them for who they are.  I have had many "friends" over the years but until I had reconnected with David, I didn't realize that I didn't have a friend who just loved me for me.  He wasn't out to change me, he wasn't trying to make me see his way.  Also, I just read a blog from Mastin Kipp, "The Daily Love" and he stated what I truly believe, I don't love people for what they can give me, I love them for who they are.  I will love David no matter where life takes me, I don't have limits on our relationship.  I won't stop loving him just because he might not love me that way. 

As painful at it can sometimes be, not having someone love you the way you want... it is so much better to have them in your life than not.   I wish everyone could understand and feel the love of someone who loves you for who you are, truly loves you for who you are and not for what you give them.  I am close to 49 years of age and I finally experienced that kind of love and it has been the most amazing love I have ever had in my life.  I am not saying by any means that it is easy, it's not but I couldn't or wouldn't want to imagine my life without him in it.

When I need someone to be real with me, honest and open, I turn to him.  I don't want someone that will judge me and I don't want someone who will just agree with me.  Last week when I was going through a particularly rough time with work, people were telling me their take on it, they weren't really listening to me.  They thought I was afraid, I am not... I am just not interested, when I talked to David, he saw through it and realized, no... I am not afraid, I am just not interested.  He got it right away, I didn't have to explain myself.

Then he told me the truth, there is no easy answer, it was either make them understand, do what they ask or find something else I love.  There is no simple answer there, there is only truth.  Someone else could tell me the same thing and people did but until he said it because it came from the heart, I didn't listen.   All we really want in the life is to be heard, to be understood and to be loved.

I will love David no matter what, my feelings don't stop just because his are not equal to mine.  I love him for him as I love all my friends.  I love them for who they are and I want people to know that if they come to me from their heart, I will listen... if they are not trying to change me but just love me, I will listen.  I will do the same for them.

I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about this post, I have had many wonderful friends in my life and I still do but I've never felt this safe with anyone in my life.  I am not afraid to be me, completely and fully.  I want nothing more than to be just myself with him.  I don't think.. should I say this?  or should I say that?  I am just me.  It's the only way I know how to be with him, anything less would mean I was a fake.  



"A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are." ~ Nate Kay

We're not perfect.  We laugh too hard.  We are way too loud & we are such dorks.  But doing it together is what makes us best friends forever♥

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield

Happy Birthday Canada

I am so thankful for living in this country Canada.  I'm free and blessed to have been born and raised here.  Although I have a huge desire to travel the world, mostly in Europe and Australia; I truly would love to see all of the world.  But I would always want to be able to come home to this amazing country Canada.

I know that I am also grateful for our medical programs.  Yes sometimes we might have to wait for care but we are not financially punished for being ill.  I couldn't imagine living in other countries that didn't take care of their people. 

I'm free to worship the way I want and not be persecuted.  I know there are still many more countries that do not have this freedom, that is SO sad.  I pray for these countries to be more like Canada; to give their people a choice.

Canada can always be better and the way for it to better would be for us to stand up and be a better people.  This is not up to our government, this is up to each individual person in this beautiful country.

I am truly grateful for our freedom and I am grateful for the people who stand up for us against countries that would attempt to change our freedoms.  Thank you to the men and women in the Army, Navy and Air Force.

Happy Birthday Canada!!




O Canada!

Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield