Friends And Frenemies

I read another great blog by Joy from Joy's Journal Thoughts.  She wrote about how some friendships change no matter how hard we work on them.  I know what she means, I had what I thought was a very good friend for well over 20 years.

We became friends the summer of 1978 before we headed into grade 10.  We shared a locker and hung out with each other non stop.  She became pregnant when she was 17 and 4 months after she had her first daughter I had Andrea.  Her daughter and mine became the best of friends.
My friend and I went through highs and lows over the years, me forgiving her time and again for disrespecting me and going after any man I dated.  She usually succeeded, until I dated Tony and he was disgusted by her, that's saying a lot as he had no idea how to be faithful himself.

After Tony and I separated she and I over looked the past and became friends again.  We connected like crazy and we hung out all the time.  We went to all the latest movies, went to lunch or dinner at least once a week, played board games endlessly and talked for hours

Then she and I went out dancing downtown one night and true to form she let me down again by not leaving with me, I walked home that night.  Of course she called the next day very apologetic, she had met a man, a Russian guy.  Within a month I ended up meeting Andrey through them, we started hanging out together as couples.
Oh, did I fail to tell you she was married with 4 children, she talked about leaving her husband, I told her I couldn't judge her for that but that I could not understand her leaving her children.  However; she up and left her family for this man.  Our friendship went down hill after this as Andrey didn't like her but it wasn't so much that he didn't like her as he wanted total control over me.

Once Andrey and I broke up he even ended up 'dating' her.  At this point I could have cared less.  I no longer wanted to demean myself and be 'friends' with her.  I more than likely will never speak to her again, I've forgiven her as none of those men really meant anything to me but I'll never give her another chance to hurt me again.
From what I've heard through the years, she and the Russian guy finally separated after she destroyed her family. I don't know very much about what she's doing now and frankly I rarely think about her.  The only thing I missed was the type of friendship we had, where we hung out together all the time.

I really think that I was starved for that type of friendship when David came back into my life. He and I connected on a deeper level than I ever thought possible.  We have the same kind of crazy humor where we could laugh non stop and we both loved to talk endlessly.  Oh yes I can talk but so can David.

Some friendships are worth working on to save, others need to be let go and move on. The older I get the easier it is to tell these friends apart.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield


  1. Wow, you are good because she wouldn't have got so many opportunities to do all those things to me. I'm a once bitten twice shy person. Saying that, I admire that you were able to forgive her so many times and despite you moving on, you still gave her a chance to be in your life again.

    I understand how you missed that particular kind of friendship, but it's clear from her point of view that she didn't see it the same way, otherwise she would have changed her behavior. To me, those types of friendships are not worth having as they do nothing more than cause damage in the long run.

    It seems that she does nothing more than destroy relationships wherever she goes and with whoever. That's a great shame for her.

  2. Wonderful friendship... no matter what situations be, friends are friends for friend in need are friend in deed!!

    Nice one maim!!

  3. I feel you
    some of my friends are like that
    except they are destructive to themselves...
    never head any of my advice...

  4. Thanks for the shout out! It is truly sad how certain people come into our lives and we give and give and give so much and end up empty and drained and alone in the end. I am slowly realizing you and I are both better off without "those" people in our lives. But it is a process, isnt it?


  5. Thank you Rum-Punch Drunk, I am a very forgiving person, I try very hard to give people a break for screwing up since I have screwed up so many times in my life. I am done with her though, I pray she has a peaceful life now, she was seriously never happy, I know happiness;)

  6. Thank you Sangay, I wish the best for her, however; I have no desire to be her friend again;)

  7. Yes Sayid, people don't like to take advice, I have been guilty of that myself but some people are so destructive;)


  8. Thanks Joy and you deserve the shout out, I love your blog. You are right Joy, we are better off without those people in our lives, it is a process, it took me many years to say I had enough and honestly I forgive her but she is too toxic to be a friend with;)

  9. Launna, I ended a friendship because of a man, but in my case, my 'friend' betrayed me with him and I abandoned them. Never wanted to know them.
    When we have brotherly love for someone he is sincere! We have to respect others to be respected!

  10. Thank you Jaqueline, I have forgiven her but that doesn't mean that I want to attempt a friendship with her again. Thank you for your comment:)

  11. Wow, what a disappointing friendship... :( No one deserves to be treated that way. I can't believe she would leave her own children for another man. I hope they have a better father than mother.

    I'd love to have a close friend too. Where we can hang out all the time, and laugh, and watch movies and all that. But I find friendships don't last... they start to wither away over time, or one person disappoints the other... and it's just really sad. I don't want to go through another one of those friendships and get hurt again.


    - Sasha

  12. Thank you for your comment Sasha, their father ended up being pretty great, he never left, he stayed with them. I gained a new found respect for him,

    I don't want to get hurt again but I really want that type of friend, so I am going to have to work t it.

  13. I know what you mean Launa, I also had such a questionable friend, a two faced person who took advantage of my affection...Anyway it's advisable to spit them out like a rotten tooth :). We deserve better.

  14. We definitely deserve better Petronela, I take less and less crap as I get older:)


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