It was around this time that David had his status on Facebook stating that he was in a complicated relationship. I started having dreams or fantasies that David would come home for a visit to Halifax and he and I would reconnect. Fall in love, I had that dream/fantasy for nearly 4 years and then it came true. I am really beginning to imagine how much better it could have been if I had only believed more in my dreams.
I think I didn't dream big enough though, I needed to want more for myself than what I excepted. Now that I'm feeling more myself than I have since New Years. I can say today that I'm really happy. Not that I couldn't be more happy but for now what I have is enough.
It took me until now to realize that I'm worth loving. I thought when David didn't fulfill the fantasy story book ending, I felt it was because of me. Now I know I was enough, I wonder now if he feels he's enough? I can be overpowering when I'm in love. I realize that I come on too strong, I don't know how to love less than I feel.
I've become more independent and I feel stronger for what I have overcome. Although I love David with my whole heart, I don't break down in tears every second day. Breaking up is so awful, especially when two people still love each other. Still care about each other.
If I can survive my break up with David and still remain friends, I can survive most anything; that was a huge challenge. One I almost didn't pass. When I dream/fantasize again, it's going to be about how to get to the fairy tale ending. I am great at getting what I dream for, I lack how to maintain it long term....
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield