A Defining Moment

I'm glad that I have my plan, for me.  I need to focus on all the good things I have in my life.  Becoming healthy will be fabulous for me, I know the running club will be challenging for me but I'm up for it, excited even.  It looks like I will be starting August 15 when I get my bonus.  I need the money to pay for the running club and the yoga class I want to take.  Also I will be able to stock my cupboards with good food.

I've been up since 2:30 am, I got caught up on my blogs and I did 3 loads of laundry.  At least I accomplished something.  Off to work, still not my best but I have to keep moving.  Well my day has ended off pretty sad, I need to take a little time and take stock in my life, figure out where I am at and where I am going.  At the moment, I feel sick inside with no end it sight... some pain we are given to deal with ends up being much more than we ever thought we could handle.

If only I had known that the last time I hugged and kissed you that it would be the last time, I never would have let you go.  I guess that's why it's best we don't know it will be the last time.  It's funny but I remember that night and how I wanted to hold you just a little longer but you had to go.   I shouldn't listen to sad songs, they only make me more melancholy, as if I need any help in this department. 

It still remains to see if I am strong enough, as everyone says I am... the true test starts here and now.  Today is a defining moment for me, a challenge that I was hoping I would never have to face.  Right now I feel so weak, I could just go to bed, pull the covers up over my head and stay there... but I can't do that, I have Valentina, my job, I need to find a way to survive this challenge.

"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield


  1. Hi Launna, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. I sometimes think I am expected to be super human to cope with pain and difficulties and all that life can fling at us and still be expected to function, cope, do all the things that living requires of us. I can associate as well with wanting to curl up and throw the duvet over the head, shut out the rest but not being able to. I feel for you Launna and I am thinking of you. Small steps just one step and then the next and you will keep going. Take care.

  2. Thank you behind the smile, I appreciate your kind thoughts and words.

  3. Launna- I know you wil simply love the running club. It is hard to start out by yourself, but in a group it is so encouraging. Be strong and confident in yourself. Running is a great stress reliever for all the other things going on. U'll be putting good vibes out for you.

  4. Thank you Joy, you inspired me to want to run, I know it will be tough but I will show up each time:)


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