I've been thinking about the decisions I've made in my life. Some were great, some not so smart; I often wonder where my brain was at times? Like I've said many times, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't change my past decisions, even for all the foolish mistakes, for I could have missed some of the best times I've had in my life.
I would never change having my children, not even at the age I had them; Andrea at barely 18 and Valentina when I was almost 40. I do sort of wish that I could have given both my children better fathers. I was never good at choosing good men. Thank goodness I have such wonderful strong girls, I've truly been blessed.
There are days like today that I'm finally feeling like I'm healing. At least it is measured in days and not just hours here and there. For awhile there I wondered if I'd ever feel better? My heart was crushed, it's still damaged but I now feel like it won't hurt as much as it has. I feel like I'm coming back to me.
I've missed me, the happy optimist, I let her go with my self worth. I allowed myself to feel inadequate, not enough. Funny thing is, that is the last think David wanted for me. He loved the optimist and exuberant woman that I was. That was what drew me to him.
He adored how upbeat I was, he wanted to feel what I was feeling. Instead of maintaining that feeling, I had allowed myself to feel less then positive, I was drained. There is nothing wrong with loving someone with you whole heart and soul. Just as long as you remember who you are and what it was that actually attracted someone to you. Oh that's right, being myself.
I guess I didn't believe in myself enough and I changed, I didn't keep my positive and happy self. The sun is out today and my mood is in a sunny mood. There are miracles waiting to happen, I just had to get up and attract them into my life.
"Everything you want, also wants you" ~ Jack Canfield